I'm not sure whether it's due to an overload marketing information, some fear tt I haven't studied enough or the aftermath of having watching the SJC kids play. Everytime I close my eyes, I see 2 things. Marketing facts, and the way the girls have grown. For some reason I felt rather incompetent as a coach, that I couldn't commit and give 100% to them. I felt really sorry and guilty towards Seok Kuan then cos I know how much effort she has put in... I knew I had to leave. Bozhen has certainly realized their potential the way they truly deserve and I'm happy for those kids, and Seok Kuan especially. This much I have realized... I'm more of a player than I'm a coach. I desire to inspire through my skills more than to instruct. Or perhaps I do not have the skills to instruct properly. I have always told people around me, I don't really like coaching all that much and that i'm too busy with other things. It gave me an excuse to be non committal... Now I realized that it was my fear of failing that has been holding me back. If I don't give my 100% in anything at all, I will only be letting myself down. I'm no longer young anymore. Seeing Grace Chew coaching and the wonderful display from the SJC kids, I'm inspired once again. And I certainly hope it doesn't go away anytime soon. I have to tackle one thing at a go, 100% each time.
Now that I've gotten these thoughts out of my system... Gotta put my head back into marketing. 100%. (oh god, please let those marketing terms and facts stick!... And let me fall asleep in peace. Amen.)
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