Merry X'mas

Gracias - because there are so many things to be thankful about.

This is the season to be giving, to be sharing. You have the means to make someone's day, to bring just a bit of sunshine into their lives during this rainy season. You can find love in the simplest and purest form everywhere. Take a look around you. I'm talking about family and friends.
- Mum nagging at me ceaselessly every morning to get out of bed, be it how much I hate it.. even to the extent of calling home from work to make sure I'm well on my way to work.
- Dad's timely delivered breakfast every single day, so much so that any other time when I don't see breakfast on the table, it gets on my nerves.
- Sis's annoying visits to my room to irritate the hell out of me though she may have simply wanted to chat up.
These little acts of love that I take for granted all the time... And many, many other moments from friends that show 'oh so much love'... especially during the teen bit of difficult time I had briefly. Gracias could never be a more appropriate nick indeed 'cos I'll be forever thankful to the people with their undying love and support.

I may not believe that everything happens for a reason (especially the bad ones), but I believe in having the power to make the best out of every situation. Once you do that, you naturally are able to grow wiser, make better decisions, maybe even learn to let go. In turn, when you look back, it makes the phrase - that everything happens for a reason - very true. The reason being that you can lead a better life than before, by doing something about it. Just have to open up your mind, take a step back and look with a different perception. And so I've learnt...

This Christmas, I may be empty in the pockets but I'm filled to the brim in the heart. Be forewarned, it means I really don't have money to buy you christmas presents this year. Don't take it personally. Gifts received that comes from the heart are the ones that count, ain't it? .. better still to get cards or letters, the old-fashioned way on cheesy paper, written with coloured pens and heartfelt words. ;)

Gracias again. Have a merry christmas filled with joy and love.

He ain't heavy, he's my guitar.

Singing makes me feel so good and right now I'm in a rhythming mood...

=) 


Walking home is a mini journey,
I would sing aloud my melody,
Reminiscing your company...
Take my guitar, sing with me.
We shall sit along the beach.
I will learn as you teach.
Listen to my lousy strumming.
With no lyrics we'll keep humming.
Our mat's lined up with glorious food,
Life can't ever get this good.
Spokes could drain my strength away
Songs will keep me happy and gay
Under the starlight we may lay
Basking in my sunshine I shall stay.
So to you beautiful people I say,
Thank you for a wonderful saturday!

Amazying 21st.

After 3 months of posting drought, I'm finally back. It doesn't mean that nothing significant happened over the course of these 3 months (far from it in fact). It simply means that I'm either too busy or too lazy to translate my ever-changing thoughts into words, mostly the latter. However, this is a very different occasion. =P

Obviously this entry is not posted on the 06/11/06 -I'm already dead beat by then- but who can ever leave this significant date out? heeheehee 5 more days and 5 more years huh? Lucky my parents don't know english that well. It's no secret by now after Shuangru's 'tell-it-all' dvd.. not that I'm complaining. It's too wonderful a gift for me to have any protest against, despite the very 'revealing' shots and shoots.

This 21st birthday party is really huge! I had the socialite jitters at the beginning, having to run around entertaining different groups of people, making sure everyone is comfortable, fear of being a bad host. I probably could have done a better job introducing people to each other if I wasn't so busy. Can you believe, I, Gracias Sim the Gluttony, did not eat anything at all through the night?!.. oh well, partly 'cos I was going to burst that piece of spilling corset coupled with my running around. Meldy's jacket came in very handy at one point in time, till I was ordered to strip. I bet it couldn't be too boring a night for anyone - after all, there was food, a striptease show, a raunchy video, and of course, a very 'soft' live performance (which may I add, required quite some courage). The first time 'Ms-Singapore-Idol-reject' had this much audience to perform to.. although the limelight was stolen by my dad - "平时讲话那么大声， 现在这么小声!" (normally talk so loud, now sing so soft) Haha. I love my dad. How he calmed my nerves with his timely antic. For those who didn't catch the song.. Here it is again..still a little soft and out of tune. As you can hear, my guitar skills could do with some practise as well. Oh but give me some credit, would ya? It's 2am in the morning now. I really don't need the police knocking on my door 'cos of my neighbour's complaint.... again.. -private joke- Heh.

TK Anthem! 



A big 'Thank You' to those who came, made my day and shared my joy. As I have said, seldom do I get these different people (though most were netballers) from very different aspects of my life to come together - (and everyone knows how much I dread 'THE' School of Design), makes it feel surreal, yet so real at the same time. So from the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for 'gracing' my party, especially my dearest family, cousins and friends (you know who you are) for helping me this way and that, and -more importantly-, for loving me so selflessly. Even though I'm no christian, I still believe that I truly am blessed. You guys are my angels in disguise. =)

Gracias so so very much..


P/S: Really wished some of you (BHPs & TKGians are never forgotten) who couldn't make it were there to share my joy. No matter, we shall create more happiness ahead with time well spent.

______________________________

Angel in Disguise
Corrinne May


I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and i stumbled out of bed and
dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose
and a note that said 'Somebody loves you'

But out on the street it starts to pour
and before i get soaking wet,
A total stranger runs to give me
the jacket off his back
I turn around to thank him
But he waves me with a smile
I can hardly believe my eyes
He puts on a halo and starts to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Dont need to look at paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise

I met a good friend for lunch
and we had a delicious meal
But i forgot to bring my wallet
I felt like an imbecile
But she was sweet, she gave me a treat and
Bought me a chicken sandwich
To take home for tea

But out of the street with nothing to eat
A man and his shopping cart go
Travelling to places
Collecting social graces
I give him my sandwich
and we chatter for a while
I see a rainbow wash over his eyes
He gives me his halo and
I start to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise
Don't try to hide away from me
I know you're by my side

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise
Everyday can be legendary
Every minute, an endless surprise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

I woke up this morning
Feeling kind of new.

Counting my blessings

Amid the sea of scavengers, Navarro's shirt was destined to be mine. the shirt was tossed into the air by the Most Valuble Player of the Singapore Philips Cup, volleying over the heads of those crazy supporters who were blocking my way to the front and sailed right into my outstretched hand where i was standing in space minding my own business. It was as if the shirt was shunning the violence of the overenthusiatic fans (there were these fanatics that actually dove at me. - all these seemed to happen in slow motion, like those you'll see from the movies- ). With my instinctive netball skills, i grabbed the shirt as it sunk at my fingertips and pulled it into my cowered body, ready to defend the prize with my back. ah~ the precision of a world class basketballer's pass, complemented by an amazing defensive move of a local netballer. HAHA. all this... even though i was a supporter of the opposing team, argentina (cos of the jersey color) .. Muahahah~ but...it ain't too late for me to convert a spain supporter. afterall.. i do happen to have a spanish name. (i think~) shld hav said 'gracias' to navarro when he signed the shirt for me..

Number 7 Navarro's sweaty shirt on me. Muahahah. 


Oh. the shirt was still wet when i grabbed it... and disgusting as it may sound, it happens to carry navarro's scent (i'm most probably just going to air dry it). HEEHEE~ i just had to put it on outside the stadium to fashion parade in. (despite shuang's advices to be wary of those over-zealous fans - she was afraid that i might get robbed. WAAHAHA!)

It's funny how exhilarated I felt then when i received the shirt. I wasn't exactly crazy over Navarrno.. I was incredulous at how lucky i am to receive such a gift that everyone else was vying at. So incredulous, i turned into a Navarrno supporter almost at an instant. HAHA! i began scrounging for his info cos' I knew nuts about him. And there was this initial high when the proximity of this famed basketballer was still fresh in my mind. HAHA. I guess it's the kind of 'high' that make fans go crazy. The endless pursuit of something a little insane to keep life from being mundane.

Must thank Zinping for convincing me to go witness professionials playing basketball live. It really is a sight to behold - not just watching amazing skills and tricks - but receiving the Most Valuble Player's shirt as well. HAHA. Now that IS really an experience in a lifetime. Muahaha. Even I don't get to change other 'not-so-famous-athletes'' shirt at the Commonwealth Games.

Lucky lucky ME~ what a way to embrace the start of my 3week holidays... after finally clearing the shitload pile of tedious assignments. What a way to celebrate the end of the cursed module that I've failed the past 3 times. I was so happy to dump the completed 2danimation into the assignment drive on that friday night, I kept smiling to myself on my way home. HAHA. Lucky I was taking the midnight cab. Bus passengers would have asked the bus uncle to drive me to woodbridge.

Before you question my sanity, let me tell you.. The last two weeks were really hell in school. I almost had no life. There was this day that I stayed overnight in school to complete 2 assignments due the following damned day, and other nights that I returned home at 10odd pm. And though I'm complaining here.. I actually had friends that stayed over in school for the whole week.. even through National Day! Now that is the sad life of a design student that I don't intend to pursue.

HAHA. MoZy's birthday happened to fall at the right time just for me to catch a breather. I haven't been exercising for the past two weeks, hopefully ice-skating is considered excercising eh? The endorphins one gets from sports is really revitalizing. We had close encounters with dinosaurs at our every exclusive 'hang-out' place as well. Heehee. -Zee Zcience Zentre-! The next best alternative to a 'time-travel' machine. Visit the place and feel young again -> down memory lane~.=)


Oohooh~ and of course, how can I forget that wonderful Saturday night..? It's been a long time since I've seen such a huge crowd of singaporeans gathered together at one place. Quite a nice atmosphere. Sometimes experience with crowds can be uplifting. (like christmas.) Everybody simultaneously tilting their heads skywards at the slightest hint of any commotion, ready to see the pretty pretty meteorites falling from the sky in the form of fireworks. Team France didn't disappoint. The series of colorful explosions in the sky put the stars to shame. There's the green 'Dark Mark', golden 'Ferrero Rocher', curly wurly 'twister fries', revived 'branching tree', rainbow specks.. etc etc. We even had some leftovers from the fireworks raining on our heads. Some ash got stuck in my hair, lucky it didn't start a fire. The last thing I need is an afro do. Speaking of which.. my hair is really growing into a forest. I've finally decided to go and rebond my hair after contemplating for so many years. HAHA.

So far.. my 2days of holiday have been extremely fufilling. Hopefully the rest of the week(s) will be as promising. =) I'll be going Malaysia tomorrow. Be back on Thurs, (with my rebonded hair). HAHAHa. Stay tuned.

Lost

Currently, my posting frequency is 1 entry per month. Been a little busy lately. Either I've been staying in school till late rushing assignments or I've been getting lost in lost. *(Oh~ How I am in love with Sawyer.)

lost in 'Lost'. 


I have this habit of blogging really outdated stuff - events that seem to matter quite a bit during that period - but as time goes by, it isn't as important anymore. Talking 'bout my HDD crashing. Really heartaching to have all my personal documents and pictures -commonwealth games, training trips and tours, scenery, birthdays, coaching, diving, that 'perfect' one - all gone, lost, lost, lost. Then again, I think to myself, how often do I pull out those documents/pictures to read and see anyway. Maybe it really is time to put down those excess baggage and place my focus in the future. Too much of a 'down-memory-lane' person I am. The essence of these memories will be in my head and I might even beautify it further with my imagination, so it's physicalities shouldn't matter, right? =P But still can't help feeling *sim tiarh. Ho-hum. Let it be.

Shuangru's birthday just passed yesterday. We had this brief dinner on the 22nd. I realised I'm not much of a party organiser, never been. Try too hard to cater to everyone's requests, I think. Not that my friends are demanding, just that I'm not 果断 (decisive) enough. Have you ever had this feeling that - at times, you hear so many voices (no doubt with good intentions), you can't hear your own? Oh well, I get that once in a while. Think everybody does. Maybe I need some time to myself, yet strangely, ain't that what I've been getting for the past week in school? Sitting in front of the comp, staring, till I lose track of time. Guess time alone to 'ponder' and 'work' is very different.

I feel a little like a 'castaway' nowadays. Too much school I think. I get such extreme focus and solitude, I can't transition in time to be the livewire that I usually am with friends when we hang out together. Even when I do, something tells me I'm talking too much and trying too hard. A bit of a blabbermouth, really, now that I reflect upon my conversation with the young and 'lively' one in school especially. Like those 'high-school' bimbo - green with envy, yet pals all the same. Facades, facades...

But all is not lost. I've recognised when I talk incessantly and for the sake of polite conversation.. in time, I'll master the technique of listening carefully, thinking thoroughly before speaking intelligently like how Daries does so well. I wonder though, it would be awfully tiresome to have the wheels in your brain churning all the time, wouldn't it? Whatever happened to 'ignorance is bliss'? Such irony - life so simple can be easily complicated. It's all in our heads, ain't it?

Of course, life would be terribly boring if there're weren't any 'downs' to contrast the 'ups' against, wouldn't it? Despite my laments, I have my fair share of joy for the past month as well. =)

Liling's birthday just passed not too long ago. I was truly happy to see the many faces I haven't seen a long time since - Yiqi with her quiet yet supportive demeanor, consistent as always (a bit like Melis), Grace Ho's entertaining mix of 'bluriness' & 'bubbliness', Serene's ceaseless enthusiam, Weiqi's amusing bluntness.. etc, etc. Fun Fun Fun! And of course the heartwarming scenes brought upon by the handmade scrapbook, complete with lovely notes and pictures. Nostalgic! Speaking of which I experienced by the torrents as I wandered the grounds of TKGS some weeks back, having to takeover Rachel for a coaching session.

Seeing the young tkgians playing on the court we used to dominate, I relived the past memories as vivid as if they were yesterday. Images of the past played out in front me as I strolled the school grounds. It feels very much like watching the typical musicvideos broadcasted repeatedly for the national day campaign. ~*so aksyuen I was so overwhelmed then.. that I actually took out my handphone to record my rudimentary thoughts as I passed each familiar place. Even that sounded very much like lyrics out of a national day song. In conjunction with our nation's 41st birthday approaching, I might as well share that saved message then and we can all laugh at my elementary english. Who knows, someone famous might just stumble on this blog, gain inspiration and write a song out of it! HAHA.~ So here goes...

This was where I scored my 3pointer
This was where I jumped 4 metres
This was where I played the piano
This was where I received my exam papers
This was where I walked into the pillar twice
This was where I tripped countless times
This was where we had our 'frank' talks
This was where we played our morning game
This was where we did the extra gym sessions
This was where we ran our 2.4k route
This was where we shared tears and laughter
Where dreams were a reality
Where I grew up from a kid
Where I lived virtually carefree days
Where I truly ate, dreamt and slept Netball
Where memories run deep and still touch my heart when I recall them

_______________________________________

Mind you, I was overflowing with emotions when I typed it in my phone, you wouldn't expect me to be in a lyrical mood. Does sound a bit corny now that I reread it. HAHA. Oh well. At least it gives a certain sense of realism.

Really miss those days.

Can't wait to catch up with the bunch of tkgians.

Can't wait to set foot on court and play a 轰轰烈烈 game of netball. (like those in India now)

Can't wait to go diving and befriend the fishes.

Can't wait for the rush of endorphins needed to break out of this routine of slouching in front of the computer

Can't wait, Must run!

stilldent

2 months came and passed. Term break came and passed. Dive & plans, along with promises, were made and unfufilled. Amazing how when you look back, time seems to be short. When you are living the waiting, time is long. When assignments are due, time is short. When joining a queue, time is long. (*Muahaha.. think i'm trying too hard to 'rap')

Anyway, I've survived 2 months plus of school and counting.. Assignments and workloads have been building up steadily. Got my first B+ grade in a year(?) [Note that I haven't really been schooling for the past year]. HAHA. Now that's something to be happy about. I'm catching the momentum to study once again after sieving through many sorts of distractions (and yes, i miss netball).

Few weeks ago, problem kid me had to see the school counselor again upon Kate's request. I'm not complaining though. It did do me good in many ways. People usually stereotype that only screwed up people visit counselors. Hee~ (maybe i'm screwed up to you la) But talking to the counselor really opened up my mind. This councelor is amazing. 2hours with her made me feel like we've been old friends. She can easily point out causes to problems which I've never realised. And the fact that she's a stranger, it allows you to speak your mind because at the end of the day, it's a non-committal friendship. No worries about anyone judging you. ~Woohoo!~

So my friend, stop running in circles. When in doubt, see a counselor. Heh~

Crash and Burn

My favorite video of all time (besides Coldplay's - the Scientist). And also one of my favorite songs. Loved the surrealism of the video and certain quotes on communication and relationships. 'We scream to avoid suffering in silence.'

The way I see it, the video is about this girl (who by the way, really looks like the english version of Maggie Q) locked up in an asylum and projecting her disarrayed thoughts about the cynical truth of life. There's this 'sign language' part at the end of the video that really touches me. It brings across this message that at times when everyone else is talking incessantly and words are just too much to bear, action truly speaks louder. It has a 'Girl Interrupted' feel to it. Listen to the lyrics. Meaningful. =)



I think the girl is actually mute (from the use of sign language) which explains why she feels so misunderstood and outcasted. Then the last quote of 'Communicate Anyway, Anyhow' shows how actions can transcend everything else. There's a lot of hidden messages other than the ones I mentioned in the video. Look deeper. Hope you enjoyed the video as much as I did.

"Savage Garden - Crash And Burn"

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

And there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

- Relationships are a series of complex games.

Back from Tinggi.. yet again.

Somersaulting into the pool.


A half Back-flip.


Hi I'm back. Safe and sound but scratched (-on the legs, that is- by corals). =) Diving may be a good form of escapade indeed, but there are just certain responsibilities that I can't escape from. Even in 'Dream Island' (Pulau Tinggi), there's no time for me to be dreaming. As a Divemaster Trainee, not only I have to learn to handle logistics, deal with demanding requests, give debriefs and guide divers -in and out of water-, the hardest part -in my opinion- is having to appear confident and assuring even though, being inexperienced, I'm uncertain and scared as hell on the inside (take my haunting Hantu expedition into account).


Take for example, on my 1st trip to Tinggi (13th-16th April), after a 5 month diving drought, I was told to lead a group of leisure divers in a new dive site that I've never been to, without a compass or dive computer, without any guide from my senior divemaster.. inexperience aside, throw in a fussy doctor and an 'impossible-to-navigate-soccer-field-seabed', I'm on my way to disaster faster than I can say 'no' to my divemaster when she told me to lead the leisure divers in front of everyone. Best of all, I had to act nonchalant and look all-confident about being delegated the nobel task for my debut dive as part of the divemaster attachment. I seriously ought win the Oscar for my excellent acting - Move aside, Reese Witherspoon!

Needless to say, I received complaints for my lack of professionalism during the execution of the dive as it fell way short of the standards of the expectant doctor and 'oh-so-perfect' foresights of the senior divemaster. Utterly discouraged, I certainly didn't enjoy my subsequent dives throughout the whole of that day. In fact, during the whole trip, I was keener to put as much distance between Mr. Doctor and myself as I possibly could. There were so much to learn in my 1st attachment, I felt ill-prepared and resented the feeling of being 'pushed into the fire pit' (as the chinese saying goes). Though I must admit, it is a rather effective way of bringing out my survival instincts and putting my tolerance for stress to the test. I did manage to lead a dive sucessfully on the 2nd day's 2nd dive. Afterall, the visibility wasn't exactly all that clear and I had eleven divers under my care, none of whom got lost (of course, thanks to senior DM Ryan chasing the sheep right behind the group). To top it off, I saw a stingray despite the near 'Hantu-like' waters. =)

As if to compensate me for my exasperation from the first day, I led Mr. Goh and his family (incl. 2 young boys, mind you) to a pretty nice dive site near the shore. It's especially rewarding when I heard praises of the site when we surfaced. Luckily the jetty was in sight and not very far away. I still wasn't very sure of my navigation (without a compass).

I must confessed though, rewarding they may be, my happiest achievement for my debut Tinggi trip wasn't from diving in the open waters, reason being - the high level of anxiety I carry into the waters for fear of getting the people I was leading lost along with me. Also, I didn't manage to see the exotic marine life the others claimed to see. My happiest achievement is my successful acrobat stunt somersaulting forwards and backwards into the pool! (See pic above). It's something I've always wanted to master. The adrenaline rush of sailing through the air is almost equal to the feeling of intercepting an impossibly high pass in a game of netball, just like flying~. Previously, I could only throw myself into the air from the Dayang jetty and hit the water lamely. Now I'm almost an olympic gymnast! 10 points! Hawhawhaw!

But of course, with my skills honed 'guerilla-style' from the first Tinggi trip, the diving experience during this second Tinggi trip is definitely more enjoyable. I saw more exotic marine life (huge marble ray, hermit crab, trumpet fish and what not), explored previously unchartered dive sites with fascinating terrain (Ivan's cave), almost could have done cave diving - which I vow to do the next time I visit the site again (must master the correct finning method in order not to stir up the sediments in a tight cave though) -, and best of all, I was praised this time for being a responsible divemaster (be it from a freelance instructor) - well, no complaints about me this time, at least. =P

As I go blabbering on about diving, let me assure you-the-one-who-are-concerned-about-me (either that or you, the individual who is just plain bored with nothing else better to do), I am studying hard and have been keeping up with my work. Also, diving doesn't require as much time, effort and commitment as netball. I do need an outlet for my extra hyperactiveness. But dear netballers, fear not, my passion for the game will never fade. If anything, I'll come back with more fervor. Afterall, abscence only makes the heart grow fonder. ;P (*mona lisa secret smile, my friends - remember to watch the Da Vinci Code!)

Till then.

a big break.

Hey guys, I'm pretty sure it's no secret now 'bout me withdrawing from the U21s team. It feels just a bit weird to not step into KNC and I'm kinda missing the game already. Guess it's a matter of getting used to. (shuang, we'll have a big break together.) I'm both happy and sad at the same time. Happy, cos' I'm given the opportunity to continue my studies - and I'll make full use of this chance. Sad, cos' I won't be able to play the U21s for the last year that I'm eligible - the director allowed me to continue studies on the condition that I'm to quit the national team. Just a little worried about not being to make it to the opens for the following year when they are playing the World Champs.

For once in my life, I'm taking a big break from Netball, focusing on being a good student and having more time in my hands. - Spending more time with my family and friends (out of the netball scene). It's quite enriching to experience other things as well. Just like how diving eased my woes the last time, I seeked its comfort once again at the turn of the tide - channeling my 'Netball' energy to marvel at the beauty of the deep blue sea. Although diving by itself, proved to have a number of obstacles. Noone said things come easy, but as long as you have the passion, some how you'll find the energy from somewhere to push yourself further. And I'm learning to put more passion into my work as well. =)

I'll talk more about diving in the next post. It's a short escapade with a long story. And I have so much to talk to those who care 'bout me. Thanks guys for all your concern. We must catch up soon.

AmazYing

Hey guys, thanks for all your concern. I'm a lot better and wiser. Seldom blog personal sob stories unless it's really traumatizing, though I'm really glad to know that there are many people who cares and enlighten me with their different perspectives. I'm never alone. =)

My appeal is still pending. Big shot director wants to see me but he don't have time. So I'm still waiting. Luckily, I'm patient, not sick. Heh heh heh.

Chanced upon this amazing video. Check this out:



And I thought the 1st guy was good... The orange man could be a true robot in disguise. ..He's better than dancing robots, actually.

Bittersweet Return

To those that are feeling low already, please, please don't read this post, this entry won't run away, you can always read it another time when you're feeling better.

-I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, Inky. I can comprehend your sadness, for being already at the bottom of the pit, I can sink no further.

________________________________________________________


A wave of unexpected nostalgia hit me when I arrived at the airport today. Everyone else had families, friends and loved ones welcoming them home. I felt a bit lost in the transition. I miss my room so much, I miss my family so much. Yet, when I was in Mum's car on the journey back home, I began to miss the life in Melbourne, the experiences I had and the form of escape it offered. Oh~ the irony of it all. Back home, I've the urge to see my friends, friends that I'm happier around with, those who's company are so assuring and comforting, I don't have to feel conscious of myself. But again, back home is where I'll face reality, where I face the media's scrutiny about the team's performance and face an issue I've been avoiding all this time right since I embarked on the journey to the games.

We didn't play badly, we just couldn't sustain the good patches of play that we are capable of. Certainly my prediction in the last post is quite wrong. We lost to St. Vincent & the Grenadines by 6 goals and landed ourselves the last place in the Games. Of course there's great disappointment, yet strange enough, the tears I shed seemed to be of an entirely different matter. These are tears of degeneration, of defeat, of loss, of wrong turns and choices, of self-mutilation. I couldn't pinpoint what my problem was during my escapade trip overseas, why I'm so dazed out of my senses. And now when my mum brought me news in the car, news from school, I knew I've been dreading it subconsciously during the games all along - which is probably the main reason why I couldn't earn respect from my teammates - just cause I have lost respect in myself the first place. I'm a proud person, and this is a huge load (of pride, wasted time and all whatsoever crap) for me to bear. So please, spare all your reprimands (I know I brought it upon myself), your advises, your 'should-have-dones-and-nots'. What I really need is your shoulder and tissues - the melissa way. Let me peace out for the moment.

I'm tired.

Last match in Melbourne

Playing our last game vs St. Vincent & the Grenadines in bt 3 hours time. Fighting for the spot to NOT be in the last placing for the Commonwealth Games. I'm kinda sure that we will win the game today (hopefully- keeping my fingers crossed), just as sure as I will be warming the bench throughout the entire game. Don't worry, I'm not really complaining. After experiencing the disappointment and witnessing some other couple of negative emotions during the end of Barbados and Wales game, I'm more readily prepared and mentally stronger to handle matters, be it weird or not. So wish us luck for our very last game and that this team will stay strong enough to take things all the way through.

Before I go, I must speak of my experience playing against the Australian Team (even though they didn't put the main lineup). Needless to say, we were thrashed -badly-, as Jeanine puts it, it seemed like they were stealing candy from a baby. Score's 19-107. When I was put on court for the last quart (thankfully), I remembered seeing huge towering yellow pillars. Every 3 strides of mine is equivalent to one of theirs. Every one of them is some heads taller than me. What in the world did they feed on to grow such phenomenal heights? Tall they may be, yet they're extremely agile and lightning fast. It's no wonder so many people idolises them. I was caught lagging behind and chasing most of the time. My only defence is that I was playing Centre (which I played none of even during practice since I first set foot in Melbourne). Utterly bizarre lineup and I was slightly taken aback when doning the bib, though I did manage to keep my composure on court. And of course, I had the honor of collecting the ball from Sharelle Macmohan before every of our centre passes. haw haw haw. Obviously we haven't been putting in goals. Right, before I seem to be condemning my team any further, I thought that we did a pretty good job keeping our grounds. There were very few unforced errors on our part and it was truly the battle of the bodies since both teams' playing styles are almost the same. You'll have the watch the videos to judge for yourself.

Got to go get prepared for our very last game and possibly, first victory. Till then!

Quick update

hey ppl. sorry. din hav as much time as i wish to update the blog during the games. i shy to keep borrowing laptop from the others.

thanks kl. the wales game was quite a match to watch, so was the barbados game. shall go into details in my next post. thrashed by the aussies today.

yep yolanda, i'll contact u definitely but i lost my M1 SIM card here. so u can only contact me via the free prepaid card they provided (which i can't remember the no now & explains y i haven been replying msgs. ha). I'll sms u soon. mayb tmr after my playoffs in the noon. hope to catch up w u here in Melbourne too!

gtg. till then guys!

International Debut

As you may have known, today we played a game vs Jamaica (World no. 3). Score's 22-67. No prizes for guessing who's the winner. I thot we did pretty impressively against them. Never expect myself to be playing but I was prepared nevertheless. I didn't get to start but when I was named to go in for the 2nd quart, my own focus and determination overwhelmed all distractions (crowd, cameras, lights, noise, etc) so much so that I'm surprised at myself. I made use of my chances pretty well though I won't say that I played 101% (could have done more), so I won't expect to start tomorrow's lineup vs Samoa (think they are between world no.6-8). Yet, I can say this is the best game I've played so far on the Melbourne trip, partly 'cos I'm motivated by the team, the wonderful atmosphere, and myself. And to top it off, this game is my 1st cap for International Games. How wonderful to make a debut.... At the Commonwealth Games! I'm not a 'virgin' open player anymore. WAHAHAHA!

Oh. Netball aside, let me describe to you about the life in the village here. Other than the free food buffet style (and boy it's difficult to keep my diet under control ard here), free internet access, and cute (sometimes, famous) people to oggle at, it all boils down to self entertainment - There's no TV! (also dunno how I managed to survive this long, boy do I miss HBO and Star movies at home) Heh. Not so bad lar. At least I got to see myself on TV, even though tt'll be the VHS. Hope that Kate can make copies for us so that I can bring home and show everyone!~ Mostly between trainings, games, breaks, meals and recoveries, we gamble to pass time. We are the Singapore Bridge Team, I tell you. Almost everyone in our team has learnt bridge 'cos we keep going at it again and again and again.. It's highly addictive. (and I'm sure Slim will agree with that) Even Liling has picked up game, after I tried to explain the rules to her in my half past six mandarin. Right. It's late over here already. Got to tackle Samoa tmr. Will report my progress when I have the time.

Till then, thanks for checking back and all your kind wishes and messages. (KK, you know I'm talking about you.) Ciao.

5th day in Melbourne.

This is gonna be a real short entry due to time constraints. Some updates on how I'm doing here in Melbourne. Will include photos when I have the time. Jus came back from the opening ceremony today. Delta Goodrem was singing on stage and the Queenie Elizabeth was there (too bad Prince William or Harry ain't). HAHA. we waved at her. tons of beautiful fireworks that looked like the meteor shower. B-E-A-U-Tiful. the atmosphere's ecstatic. Everyone's waving and throwing flags, souveniors & glow-sticks frantically at the spectators - regardless whether they were ready to receive the shower of gifts or not (some hit their heads/faces). the stadium's HUGE!~ there were so many countries marching in along with us, waving flags and snapping photos. this is the best part yet for as far as the melbourne trip is concerned! Will be back with more news. Our 1st game is vs Jamaica (World no. 3) on the 17th. Oh well, let's hope that we won't get thrashed - too badly-.

Till then, Ciaoz.

Tribute

If I die (touchwood), I want this song to be played at my funeral. It's a very touching song.. and appropriate, honestly. I'll dedicate this song and lyrics to myself and whoever that's lost someone.

Mourn, and move on.
____________________________

Robbie Robertson
Shine Your Light
Ladder 49 OST


The cry of the city like a siren's song
Wailing over the rooftops the whole night long
Saw a shooting star like a diamond in the sky
Must be someone's soul passing by

These are the streets
Where we used to run where your Papa's from
These are the days
Where you become what you become
These are the streets
Where the story's told
The truth unfolds
Darkness settles in

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so I can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength
To carry on, carry on

Don't wanna be a hero
Just an everyday man
Trying to do the job the very best he can
But now it's like living on borrowed time
Out on the rim, over the line
Always tempting fate like a game of chance
Never wanna stick around to the very last dance
Sometimes I stumble and take a hard fall
Loose(?) hold your grip off the wall

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so I can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength to carry on
Carry on

I thought I saw him walking by the side of the road
Maybe trying to find his way home

He's here but not here
He's gone but not gone
Just hope he knows if I get lost

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so I can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength to carry on
Carry on

long overdue

This post is long overdue. My assignments are long overdue. My declaration of love for those dear to me is long overdue. My regrets are long overdue. My tears are long overdue. My fragility is long overdue. My physical fatigues are long overdue. My patience is long overdue. My library books are long overdue...

Oh well.. Overdue is in the past. There is still time from now on to make up for everything. To better things up. Grieve and move on. Cry and move on. Leaving for Commonwealth Games in less than 2 weeks time. Must sort myself out before I go. Must be able to put aside all distractions. Must have confidence. Must play well. Must love and miss my family while I'm away.

Goodbye and take care.
dearest uncle, rest well in paradise. watch over everyone dear to you and bless them.

Christmas time.

Everyone has new year resolutions. I feel obliged to blog them online... Not.

Matter of fact, as the X'mas season is coming to an end, I must mention how much I love this season of giving (instead of the new year). I feel happy, (for obvious reasons).. and I feel happier being able to make someone else happy (eg. giving them just a bit of my time, or little gifts that means so much). And of course, music-lover-me love those X'mas jingles tt I hear on the streets or on TV, I'd sing out loud and dance along while soaking up the atmosphere or watching the credits roll. (Haiyo~ Grace has done more embarrassing things in life.) And just because it's Christmas. It's a reason to - (dress up?, acc. to the Heeren's ad. ~heehee) Nah~.. It's the reason to be MERRY and MAD.. over the tiniest things.

Everyone celebrating and taking in the jolly atmosphere, cheering and having fun. Felt almost like rowdy soccer fans in the stadium strolling down Orchard Rd. (If you can't beat them, join them - you know?) Though I must say, I felt really sorry for what Mother Earth has to put through with the air-polluting snow spray. I was quite sure they are not CFC-free. More mindless singaporeans like that, there'll be a huge hole in the ozone layer over sg soon. (I shall invent a CFC-free spray.) Dun be mistaken, I'm not complaining bt getting covered in 'snow', in fact, I was pretty amused. Never seen so many walking snowmen in my life. Just tt when I inhaled too much of it, I got this really bad throat irritation. But~ in the name of good fun - to hell with the preaching (oopz, I meant 'bitching'). HOHOHO~!

Let me tell you my X'mas-spirit-sharing incident:
I was woken up by a stranger at a very ' ulu' (deserted) Punggol MRT station near midnight after a dead tiring training. The last train towards Sengkang has departed. I forgot to bring my handphone. I gave away my last few change in an act of kindness before embarking on the journey home. So, I had to 'thicken my skin' and ask uncle-behind-MRT-control-station for a 10cent coin. Only to realise that the coin payphone doesn't work. Ok lor, cool. I'll just buy phonecard as 'reccomended' by the uncle and call my mum to pick me up. I'm cool. Nothing new so far. (at least to me)

Only that I realised I wasn't the only person in distress. There was this other Malay-Indian man who approached me and asked where's the best place to take a cab ard here. He happened to oversleep and was woken up by a stranger as well. ~haw haw haw. Such coincidence. Of course, me standing with a slight darker colored man in a very deserted place made me just a bit uneasy. But while waiting for my Mum (abt 30 odd minutes), not a single cab (or even a vehicle) was in sight - explains the 'Ulu' Punggol - we did talk a little. So I consulted my mum and we decided to give this complete stranger, a lift back home since he just stay in Hougang, not very far away.

How many often do you speak to a stranger on the street, lend him/her your handphone, or, in my case, even give them a lift back home? HAHA~ It's the Kampung spirit, Christmas spirit or wadever spirit you can name, coming back! It's the kind of things they teach you in pri sch in 'Hao3 Gong1 Ming3' (Good Citizen) and it does feel good to put them back into practise. I felt like 'Amelie'~ (a french movie character). Fwahahah. So generous for what? HAHA.

And to top off this Jolly season, -on the 8th day of Christmas- the very last minute Nike Party I was fretting over on New Year's eve night, turned out pretty well. Was nice seeing everyone's spontaneity to the theme and games of the party. ~Phew.

Oh, and did I mention that Lix's act of kindness to welcome me into the team? Also that she and Pearline gave me a few guerilla tips on surviving Kate's training after some the bad sessions. I ought to be more arrogant. No more FIFA fair player anymore, so forgive me if I'm a different person with the bib on. You'll still find me the same humble and loud and disastrous Gracias with all facades off. Promise & swear. Hee~.

Ok. This entry is a bit overdue lar. But today is still the 11th day of Christmas. So~ Merry merry christmas to you and have a merrier new year. This year is gonna be GReat! I can feel it in my guts.