piece of stake

There's this vicious cycle occurring: sadness -> frustration -> anger (repeat)

The Sadness
As Lisa leaves for Australia, I thought about how a great coach is leaving us. Thank you for giving me the opportunities, and valuing my abilities. Sometimes, all you need is that belief from someone to rekindle that fire. Lisa, thanks for rekindling mine. You coach with so much heart, it inspires. I'm so sad to see you go.

The Frustration
And there comes the time I keep blaming myself for all the many things I could have done better and whatever that I could have done more. So why didn't I? And honestly, what's the point of regretting now?

The Anger
See... here's the thing. Frustration with oneself is never good to have so in effort to make myself feel better, I channel it to somewhere else.

If I were a prima donna, I would send the following letter:
________________________________________
Dear What's-his-face,
Nations Cup is in less than a month's time and as much as I'd like to move on, it is very difficult to do so when training's canceled. I have heard of a wet weather program during my coaching courses. I understand that we were meant to have a coach who can come in early and take us through Nations Cup as that is the best arrangement according to higher authorities but something seems different. There's approx 3 weeks to train for the Nations Cup and the results of the short training regime with a new coach is curious. Luckily, Nations Cup is a smaller event as compared to the Worlds 2011 where the focus is on. Do consider the timeline and consequences before taking unconventional actions as world champs approaches.

P/S: We work better with a training plan that need not be done personally by someone such as yourself.

With Shingz,
Martyr Netballer
____________________________________________


But alas, I'm as disposable as a pantyliner and as fat as a cow. Sending in a letter as such will have me end up like a half done steak- easily cut into pieces and bloody enough. S'cuse my language, I'm bleeding.

I wonder how long this gloom cycle lasts. Probably till my PMS end. Oh, did I mention it's my birthday yesterday? How uneventful it seems after all the recent passings. I'm turning into a grouch.


Dry wit's wet with rain, here sarcasm's staked... the tears I restrained, there I smiled instead.

Perk up tomorrow! I mustn't grow old (in the heart I mean). ooo yea.

Heavy Hearted

I've done what I could have done. Said what I've wanted to say. Voiced my unhappiness. Now the outcome is out of my hands.

With a heavy heart, I'll await the final verdict. Whichever way it comes out, I'll move on from there.


Talk about my regrets for not putting in my best efforts that could have been - better diet control, better conditioning, better care for injuries, better play on court, better communication with Lisa and my teammates, speaking up more during team meetings...

Talk about opportunities from here forth, I'll take them on, but I will never forget the beautiful memories we've shared. Believe it or not, I have a good memory when I choose to put my mind to it. =)

Even though I may not show it much, love you Lisa, for all the wonderful things you've done for us (cooking meals, laundry sorting, mystery touring, what not), a personable coach like you ain't easy to come by. I wish I could have done more to go the distance with you.

Like sands through the hourglass...

How about a light-hearted post after all that heaviness? =)

Siti Bapok Ah!Bang (spoken with the !* 'cluck' of tongue kung bushmen way - madam seah geofy will be proud), you'll be delighted at what i found in imdb - Internet Movie DataBase (for the uninitiated). hahaha. I just watched The Ugly Truth (boy ain't it HILARIOUS) and damnnn that cute doc is so familiar (and of course - hot), I had to google him.
Not all that cute here, but watch The Ugly Truth and you'll know he's got a hot bod

I told YiQi I've seen the actor before like from some drama, maybe dool (Days Of Our Lives soap drama) or something... but not that old. And guess what? He IS from DOOL and dool is not exactly an old series.... cos the hell it's still running! Imagine my surprise! And it really makes me wonder if all the actors did plastic surgery to maintain their looks cos they never seem to change the main cast.

Your favorite Malena is still there - but maybe not as hot as you think she was anymore.
Yep, definitely botoxed.

John, her lover, is still alive to accompany her through her old age..


Who can forget the sluty Kristen in her black bra scene to seduce John? (This one's left to get on with her life in The Bold and the Beautiful)


I think Stefonol died (I mean the character, not the actor) cos he's gone and in soap operas, bad guys do die even if it takes a longer time than usual.
Still looks the same old, same old


Hope & Bo are together with dunno how many children.. according to the latest episode guide, Hope is leaving Bo for good. (O, but somehow we just know she's coming back)
Looks a little like Sam Trammell from True Blood
definitely not aging gracefully with that throbbing vein

Sadly, our favorite couple Austin and Carrie has left (and gosh i'll never forget tt shower scene that it felt like my 1st porn movie. only tt it wasn't porn. hahaha. and damn isn't Austin hot!). And apparently, Austin the actor has moved on to another soap. But he still look as drool-worthy as ever at the age of 38. (Yea, I googled him too like all other beautiful men. LOL)
awwwwwwwwwww...
awOoo^ooooooo... he reminds me a little of Tom Welling actually

Oooo.. but guess what? That evil sister Sami is still alive in DOOL! How cool is that?
always acting pregnant to make up for her chubby face

And do you remember the forlorn but oh-so-handsome-bastard-child Lucas that always try to tear Carrie and Austin apart? He's still around. Gosh. I feel like watching DOOL online now.
Somehow in this pic, he looks like Clark Kent from Superman 2



Woohoo! Doesn't it bring back memories? I mean... Dool followed me through my primary school days - when I have to sneak out to the living room in the middle of the night to watch TV secretly, followed us through our teenage TK days when we were being plain weird by not sleeping at 2am in the night and too poor to suscribe SCV, when there were interesting make out scenes tt you've caught in the noon and told me to catch the rerun at night, when we've missed a hundred episodes and still can catch the story line after, and even till now... So many of our fav actors stayed the same and still acting. DOOL is the marathon runner you can never beat. I am nothing short of amazed.

I vaguely remember us complaining abt TCS 5 (ok.. maybe mediacorp already) ending the run of DOOL cos the company probably knows they'll fold before the series does. But o, they failed to understand... Those were our way of life (of late night corny TV) and those were the days of our lives. muahahahahaha.

Right.. so guess how many episodes of DOOL are there?

11170 as of 20th September. and still counting. And it started in 1965. Gosh, DOOL is 20years older than me! My broswer couldn't stop loading at the episode list page and I almost thought my computer got virus. I just couldn't scroll down to the end of the page, the scroll button shrunk smaller and smaller before you can catch it with your mouse arrow.. you should just visit the page for kicks. Cool eh? The kind of stamina DOOL has is inspiring. Even if I start watching every day of my existence from now, I'll never finish it. Good thing though, it does give people the will to live.. Think, "Oh, I can't die today, not yet cos I have to know what happens to Marlena tomorrow. Damn cliffhangers!!" ...And looking at my job prospects when I retire from Netball, I can join DOOL's cast and not worry about being out of a job ever. Ain't that great?

Oh, that sure is an amusing thought to entertain. DOOL brings back my funny antics during hard times. How's a couple of links to let you go nostalgic over (complete with cheesy fansite dated 1999, titled 'Austin & Carrie - Together Always' although we so know that they wouldn't be together in the end 'cos of the neverending conspiracy to split them up courtesy of Lucas & the pregnant Sami... Right???) =)

DOOL Official Site
http://www.daysofourlives.com/

DOOL on Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Days_of_our_Lives

Austin & Carrie - Together Always
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Network/7678/index.html


O, I'm happy down memory lane, if life could be simple like cheesy soap operas with predictable storylines...

"Like sands through the hourglass... so are the Days of Our Lives."

Remember

Too often, my bad experiences one after the other adds up and overwhelms. Then I'll forget the things that matter and allow myself to go into a mind-numbing daze. Guess I've had enough of the grey skies. Time to operate on the tumour in my head and recover my spirits.


Remember to be thankful for little happenings and count your lucky stars.
Like how I dropped my pouch in the train and found it back even after I've gotten off, how my titus watch just so happened to be waterproof when I've forgot it in the shower, how things always work out in the end despite my scrambles... Delight in those disguised blessings.

Remember the unconditional love from your family and friends, especially the many sacrifices they have made for you. What have I done for them in turn? Do not take my parents for granted and raise my voice at them. Be there for my sister when she needs me the most. I don't have to be anything, and my family still loves me all the same.

Remember those who have passed. It's our duty to honor their legacy, for even if they're gone, we cannot forget, we musn't drift apart. Blood runs thicker than water, families should stick together. =)

Remember once past the indulgence, pain and grief humbles and strengthens. The fragility of life that teaches to embrace every moment and make the best out of it.

Remember the carefree, unblemished and relentless Gracias. Keep that intensity, bounce back and not be jaded by whatever that gets thrown in the way. Dark times brings opportunities. It's all in the mind to perceive it. After bad comes good.

2 years is a short time. I have drifted enough.
This is my habit to break, this is my opportunity to take.

Gracias as ever

8 years ago

Had this saved in the drafts for the longest time since Liyana's 2nd ACL injury, but it stayed there cos it wasn't appropriate when her actual diagnosis came out and I didn't get around to editing it.

Thought now would be a good time.. what with all the injuries I see happening around to my friends. KKKL going on a big op, Ling for another. Seeing Liy and SQ at rehab.
I think one of the reasons I blog so little is cos I'm cautious abt how I portray myself out here. After all, it is a public blog any tom dick and harry can view. I'd rather be the entertainer out here than give any more personal insights to outsiders. But again, screw it. Do I really think outsiders will care about what I have to say? Hah. Anyways, this post's for you, Karrot Koh. (and it was for you.. Best Fren)

(typed on the 31st March 2009)
One of my life's biggest setbacks occurred this same day 8 years back. The first time I was daunted by something I've put my heart into and have it taken from me. I used to joke to my TK classmates that I'm married to my sport, at the rate I was training then. After 1st round National Schs, we haven't lost a single match, I virtually felt like the team's star player... and then I had to fall from grace (no pun intended). Since my ACL injury occurred, I kinda got thrown into growing up too soon while I was meant to be enjoying my youth. HAHAHA. Does sound a bit drama... but it was indeed a wake up call to my ignorance of life's vulnerability. I was too used to bouncing back up from my tripping over. This fall had me shaken when I took a much longer time to get back on my feet. It's all for the better though... I had more time to learn from the pain of the climb. Had more sense knocked into me then. Woken up to be stronger and even invigorated to do better at my sport when I've fully recovered.


(and the edited today)
Alas, that was 8 years ago and I might have forgotten that lesson... I'm falling into an easy stupor now. Getting comfortable with routines, lazing on my couch, sleeping from watching HBO. Then the exchange with my dive instructor over this Tioman weekend served like water splashed in the face. What do I want in life? (This trip ain't much of an escapade after all.) After all this years, do I still want to be the same thick headed person, walking into the same pillars, tripping over the same ditches? I'd love to keep that sense of wonder, innocence, naivety and intensity, but do spare me the heartache and injuries. And since that is almost impossible... Is it worth it? Scotland, Asian Champs and even last night's fitness test is way disappointing. If I can't do it 100%, why am I doing it at all? Is the pain physical or am I mentally wrecked? And since rheotorical questions aren't helping, I ought to DO SOMETHING. (With Novak less than motivating, I must look elsewhere. muahaha) May tmr's ace match bring me a stroke of inspiration. Some place to feel good and bring the love back at least... be it temporarily.

To the other ACL and op ppls, I guess what I'm trying to say is this... Every fall, every obstacle you encounter now, gives the opportunity to rise and be better than before. It may hurt but the more painful it is, the better the lesson etched in your mind. And there's more motivation to break that comfort zone. I'm tired of letting Netball be the excuse for not doing the things that I want to do and I'm waiting for that wake up call. Hope I won't be like Chistina from that movie "Vicki Christina Barcelone" where she'll only be sure of what she doesn't want, but not of what she wants. Bah.

On the brighter side, we're famous during Earth Hour thanks to you, bestfren!

So pretty for wad?


And the other ACL girl who shares the same anniversary as me. HAHAHAHA.. I haven't forgotten. Hang out soon. But we must curb our enthusiasm for food else we'll only keep growing fatter.. You'll look like a ball with chopsticks stuck out of you again. muahahahaa.. We can watch movies without the popcorn!

P/S: Thx Karrot Koh and Bez Fren for monday. It's nice. =)

P/P/S: Even if it's all gloom now.. 16th July, by hook or crook, I'll be merry and you should too!

P/P/P/S: or if we win ace tmr and I play well, merry comes sooner.

the GREATEST BOOK of all

What would make Gracias Simone Djokovic blog at 4.19am in the morning? In fact, what would move this lazy ass bummer to blog at all after disappearing for 2 months?

Not making the Opens team.
Not NSL or any other Netball things.
Not overseas & dive trips.
Not volunteering at ACRES.
Not stuff & birthdays of family & friends.
Not even Novak Djokovic's near victory in the clay season. (yes, i'm guilty.)

Alas, I track back to my Hogwarts roots and to the magical world of Harry Potter. Behold, the greatest book of all time... the Half Blood Prince, where Harry first quests for the Horcruxes and the heart wrenching deaths start occurring. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'll slapp your face.




Doesn't the trailer look promising? Especially the part where Harry shouted at Snape "Fight back! You Coward!"... The preceding scene is immediately conjured up in my mind. *sobz... and I recalled by the time I was reading this part, I had to stuff my fist in my face to stop wailing and save my book from drowning in the tears and mucus. Such nostalgia. AHhhhh!!! I wanna reread the series, immerse myself in that magical world and bring it back all over again!

Please warner brothers, do not destroy my favorite book, I beg of you. Make a good adaptation. Pray pray. And I'm still so excited from watching the trailer, I can't sleep now. I think the sun is rising soon. lol

And I sign off with words from my all-time favorite professor as quoted from the trailer...
"It's over."

P/S: I shall have the motivation to blog again soon. but as the saying goes, don't bet on it.

P/P/S: Thrillogists, we have a date on the 17th July and I'm counting down already. If Zpig is scheduled to fly, you are obliged to take MC! muahahhaa. It's HARRIEH POURTER!

Earth Hour

Right. I'm not exactly dead yet.. but I just can't get past my aching shoulders and deteriorating brain to type and blog.. what with the kind of weights and conditioning that wouldn't look out of place in a concentration camp that Opens have to go through. We train like cows on sleds ploughing the fields, literally. Trust me, I'm a changed person - in a permanent PMSing mood with menses that never comes.

So what triggers this post now? Even last Xmas, this New Year, a whole lot of holidays in between, Daisy Tan victory, TK's gatherings, Novak's shameless exit in the Aussie Open and BLOODY weights hasn't given me enough reason to holler in this space.

Alas, little-miss-environmentalist-wannabe (but not quite smart enough) is driven by a deadline and personal pledge to inform the world of Earth Hour...



As you'll know, my friend, I'm dead serious when it comes to environmental issues. I have considered turning vegan... and boy, that's a tough resolution that's still waiting to be realised. For now, abstaining from beef is the next best thing I'm doing (cows giving off tons of methane. ie - very very bad greenhouse gases tt's a few times worse than CO2). When I was relief teaching, it honestly annoys me to walk past the empty hall & classrooms and see the lights and fans still turned on. And so I'm very much the green ranger in the campus on the hunt to tell off students to switch off the lights or to recycle the papers strewn around that they scribbled on out of boredom.

So... I found this Earth Hour Campaign very apt for me to raise awareness and make a difference. It doesn't take any effort at all, just to turn off the lights for an hour and to do it together with the rest of the world is really quite a beautiful feat. For those skeptical pessimists, just make sure you keep your doors locked, keep your mobile in hand to dial 911 when the world plunges into darkness and you'll be safe from burglars. =)

Right. For more info, you can visit Earthhour.org/singapore. I saw a couple of educational institutions on the site that are participating in Earth Hour, kinda drives me to tell SJC to do the same thing - but I'm still in the midst of editing the email to make it formal and proper enough.. if not, I don't need to relief teach there ever again. HAHA

If you're a teacher, tell your students to switch off the lights for 60 minutes on the 28th March at 8.30pm. If you're a student, you know what to do. If you're somebody, pledge yourself here and help spread the word. Join the fight against climate change and save the world like Hiro Nakamura (from Heroes). Muahahahaha.. Switch off the lights and admire the brilliant stars that's been burning for gazillion years before you're born. Count them if you will.



Till I speak again another day...


P/S: If you are the spoiler whose unit amid the blacked-out building has its lights gleaming at me while I'm enjoying the serenity of the night... I will set your house on fire and make sure it's brightly lit.