Clothe yourself with love, blessings, fulfilling moments and forgivings. Then you will have no fear of being vulnerable and loving unconditionally with an open heart.
That strength to love comes from a peaceful place within and will bring you the equilibrium you seek. Be present, be fearless, always.
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." - Dumbledore
Thursday, September 14, 2017
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
The neverending struggle
Memories, such strange things. How can something so lovely be so lonely at the same time?
Why choose to revisit places that no longer exist? Why dwell in the past when you should live the present?
To learn my lessons. That's what. To instill some fear and trepidation so that you won't do stupid things to jeopardize your future. About time the rational rider set you straight.
Ever gracias.
Why choose to revisit places that no longer exist? Why dwell in the past when you should live the present?
To learn my lessons. That's what. To instill some fear and trepidation so that you won't do stupid things to jeopardize your future. About time the rational rider set you straight.
Having said, keep that fervor. Find that balance to dream yet keep your feet grounded. 也是时候长大了, 懂吗？ 朋友归朋友，总是需要学会独立点。Cruel as it sounds, it's a fact that we all die alone. Some self-preservation aight? 💪
Ever gracias.
Saturday, August 05, 2017
WAKE UP YOUR IDEA!
Hi stagnant blog, This is your rational rider speaking because the alarm bells must be sounded.
Insomnia again - 3rd night in a row liao. The downside to an awakened rational rider. 😪
Emo elephant: 想那么多干嘛... 不要想了。 睡一觉不是好？
Rational rider: 不可以不去想。my heart cannot afford another devastation the emo elephant loves sending my way. I don't have that much time left to rebuild the pieces for someone worthy.
Everytime you're about to go head over heels and do something stupid. Think about it... no matter how "right" you feel about the moment, how much do you know about him? Look at it from a 3rd person's point of view, what would you have done? What would you think of your actions if you were a close friend? How would you advise yourself? Run, that's what. Who the hell goes to 2nd base on a 2nd date? Why did you even let that happen? (Even though I really enjoyed it la..no matter how connected I felt.. is this the way you want to set the tone of a potential relationship?)
Fact check:
- # of Dates: 2
- # of Days known: 11
- Background check: Zilch (don't know surname, only know his Dad is Malaysian)
- Placed reservation name with Alias: Desmond
- Relationship history: last r/s a year ago, longest r/s 1.5years, reason for breakup - Stagnantation
- No msgs when he dropped you off and reached home, after a parting like that (sia la, WTH.. 我是你, 我 😡😡😡 - shows that he doesn't genuinely care about you does it?)
RED ALERT LIAO HELLO!!
Wah... 沈巧盈, you best! Seriously, 不要笨啦。Who goes to 2nd base (citing Yolo) during a 2nd date.
还一头栽下去, 不知死活。一个Elizabeth Cheong, 又一个Alvin Tay 还不够? 还要作贱自己给被人吃豆腐吗? Better wake up your idea, 不然我看不起你! YO simi LO la!
Not saying he's a wolf in a sheep skin, but slow down woman... take your time to know him. 又不是赶火车。Examine his trustworthiness. 不要一点戒心都没有。
懂吗，soi ju? 都几岁了, 不要让别人以为你好骗。就算他走人也就算了。证明他的正真的企图。别傻了。At the very least, set a mental timeline to pace and protect yourself. Respect yourself.
Don't rush into it. Savour the moment & experience. If it's over here and now, be thankful and think of the damage it could have wrought. (But yea.. still a nice thrilling experience la. Hoho. - hello, not helping, thanks. Ok bye.)
With much love,
Your rational rider that's awakened once in a blue moon (don't say never give last warning)
x
Tuesday, December 08, 2015
Defining Gracias
No matter what comes your way... Never lose that fervor and passion for the things you love.
So what if I don't have 戒心? So what if I don't learn my lessons and always fall? It's all part of me being me. Absorb the good stuff from a bad experience and be thankful. Keep the intensity, the sense of wonder, the courage and compassion for all things worth your while.
There's no need to seek a void to fill. Instead, seek your inner peace to complete the circle and roll on.
开心就好。😊
So what if I don't have 戒心? So what if I don't learn my lessons and always fall? It's all part of me being me. Absorb the good stuff from a bad experience and be thankful. Keep the intensity, the sense of wonder, the courage and compassion for all things worth your while.
There's no need to seek a void to fill. Instead, seek your inner peace to complete the circle and roll on.
开心就好。😊
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Exuberance & Turbulence
Once bitten, twice bitten, thrice bitten. Never learns, never shy.
So here I am wallowing in my self pity, milking it for what's it worth, to remember how this feels and to remind myself how much more damage it could have wrought had I allowed it to be.
Thank god for this tiniest bit of self preservation given all my exuberance. Thank god for my past failures that I know this is but a slight turbulence.
So here's my choosing: to be like the brilliant Nebula in space - beautiful and bright, or the deep Abyss in the ocean - sunken and grave.
It's all but choices and perspectives.
Patience Grace, give the Nebula some time.
You'll be fine.
So here I am wallowing in my self pity, milking it for what's it worth, to remember how this feels and to remind myself how much more damage it could have wrought had I allowed it to be.
Thank god for this tiniest bit of self preservation given all my exuberance. Thank god for my past failures that I know this is but a slight turbulence.
So here's my choosing: to be like the brilliant Nebula in space - beautiful and bright, or the deep Abyss in the ocean - sunken and grave.
It's all but choices and perspectives.
Patience Grace, give the Nebula some time.
You'll be fine.
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
To my greatest friend and life coach
It's only right for me to write about us after all that we've been through. All the wonderful memories we've shared (some that you recall more vividly than I do) and the terribly intense arguments we had that always sent both of us reeling in tears (many of which I can't recall the reasons it started save for the scene we made). In spite of all these ups and downs, I'm so glad you came into my life - to be my life's coach, to whip my stubborn self into shape and believing in my ambitions and attempting to help me get there even though I always end up disappointing you. I proved to be a weight to heavy for you to give a leg up on.
We started out knowing we were good for each other because of our differences. You could tame the emo elephant in me, I could move the rational rider in you. But alas, the very differences that brought us together were the same ones that drove us apart. There came a time when we couldn't spend 1 day together without each other and there also came a time we couldn't spend 1 day not quarreling. You were always exasperated with my lack of urgency, accountability and following through on my said ambitions. I was always confounded by your steadfastness, your at times overwhelming pride and your penchant for self-righteousness that makes apologies so hard come by. How could a person who treads so many shades of grey like me be with someone as unyieldingly resolute as you?
Nevertheless, even though we can't find the middle ground to be together, I'm grateful to have you as my best buddy/companion. Afterall, you are the one person who stood by me and saw me as I am, who can second guess my every move, who dug 1 meter of sand from under a 4wd in the middle of nowhere and brought me to places that I'd have procrastinated forever to set afoot on. Thank you for putting up with my 2-3 years of nonsense and dropping your walls to be silly with me during those not-so-seriousness moments.
It's good that you never allowed me to put a time stamp to our relationship. We never truly had an official get together nor an official break up. That suit us just fine and now I know you did it for my sake. You knew my absurd obsession with dates and in my heart I know you wanted to make things easy by allowing us to let go of each other slowly. I can't thank you enough for that given how I was dropped like a rock by Liz.
Thus, I was slightly taken aback when you casually mentioned on Sat about a pact in which we will be companions at 40 years old if we haven't found someone by then... I know we are good for each other but I also remember how we can't live with each other every single day. To hear you say that at this time made me wonder if you are afraid of losing me because of the potential that I may have found someone now. I'm honored you would still want me as your companion to grow old with despite all our differences. I remembered feeling slightly blue when I heard you were dating someone but I know it's for the better. And now, I hope you can see it too. You have been the constant objectivity in my turbulent life and I appreciate you for that. I believe you when you say you want the best for me. So now, even with your harshest words, I try my best to see where you're coming from - and although the emo elephant in me resists your advice, the unwilling rational rider has picked up the message. It set me to think slightly more objectively and balanced. I know you worry that I'll get into trouble with my childishness and careless ways - but sometimes the hardest and best lesson can only be learnt from the experience of the burn. And that was how I found you back then in the first place.
This is the time for me to thread this path myself, to learn to deal with the consequences of my choices that I now have to make on my own. Let me 误闯误撞 to learn from my bruises as I pave and seek my own happiness. I hope you won't forsake me as I look to you for advice and counsel - I've held no one else in higher regard. But I understand if you need the space given all that we've been through.
Thank you for taming my emo elephant and awakening my rational rider.
Know this, however happy I am now and in the future, whether or not He's the one... I will still remember you and I will love you always. As a friend now perhaps, but still no less. You were the best thing that came into my life at one of my darkest moments. Along with the intense happiness, you've also brought along the most intense arguments I've ever had. I just can't thank you enough for every single one of those moments and the opportunities to learn from them and for helping me to find myself. Thank you for being able and willing to tune to my frequency even though I was never able to keep up with yours.
I have no wish to be your burden. I know when you see me in good hands, you will take off and excel with your brilliance. I wish you all the very very best and I hope your deserved happiness will come knocking on your door soon. Just don't be a stranger to me. You know I'll never be one and my doors are always open for you.
P/S: And every time I hum this verse, the hum bao in me is reminded of all that you've done for me - "Si lei hai mun sung ngao, nao lei cai dak dao ai mo. Dang wun sao mok dou lei, Wei ngao Hao ji gei bak Hao"
你要找到你的幸福哦？不然我会很伤心的。
http://www.quora.com/What-is-the-rider-and-the-elephant-metaphor
We started out knowing we were good for each other because of our differences. You could tame the emo elephant in me, I could move the rational rider in you. But alas, the very differences that brought us together were the same ones that drove us apart. There came a time when we couldn't spend 1 day together without each other and there also came a time we couldn't spend 1 day not quarreling. You were always exasperated with my lack of urgency, accountability and following through on my said ambitions. I was always confounded by your steadfastness, your at times overwhelming pride and your penchant for self-righteousness that makes apologies so hard come by. How could a person who treads so many shades of grey like me be with someone as unyieldingly resolute as you?
Nevertheless, even though we can't find the middle ground to be together, I'm grateful to have you as my best buddy/companion. Afterall, you are the one person who stood by me and saw me as I am, who can second guess my every move, who dug 1 meter of sand from under a 4wd in the middle of nowhere and brought me to places that I'd have procrastinated forever to set afoot on. Thank you for putting up with my 2-3 years of nonsense and dropping your walls to be silly with me during those not-so-seriousness moments.
It's good that you never allowed me to put a time stamp to our relationship. We never truly had an official get together nor an official break up. That suit us just fine and now I know you did it for my sake. You knew my absurd obsession with dates and in my heart I know you wanted to make things easy by allowing us to let go of each other slowly. I can't thank you enough for that given how I was dropped like a rock by Liz.
Thus, I was slightly taken aback when you casually mentioned on Sat about a pact in which we will be companions at 40 years old if we haven't found someone by then... I know we are good for each other but I also remember how we can't live with each other every single day. To hear you say that at this time made me wonder if you are afraid of losing me because of the potential that I may have found someone now. I'm honored you would still want me as your companion to grow old with despite all our differences. I remembered feeling slightly blue when I heard you were dating someone but I know it's for the better. And now, I hope you can see it too. You have been the constant objectivity in my turbulent life and I appreciate you for that. I believe you when you say you want the best for me. So now, even with your harshest words, I try my best to see where you're coming from - and although the emo elephant in me resists your advice, the unwilling rational rider has picked up the message. It set me to think slightly more objectively and balanced. I know you worry that I'll get into trouble with my childishness and careless ways - but sometimes the hardest and best lesson can only be learnt from the experience of the burn. And that was how I found you back then in the first place.
This is the time for me to thread this path myself, to learn to deal with the consequences of my choices that I now have to make on my own. Let me 误闯误撞 to learn from my bruises as I pave and seek my own happiness. I hope you won't forsake me as I look to you for advice and counsel - I've held no one else in higher regard. But I understand if you need the space given all that we've been through.
Thank you for taming my emo elephant and awakening my rational rider.
Know this, however happy I am now and in the future, whether or not He's the one... I will still remember you and I will love you always. As a friend now perhaps, but still no less. You were the best thing that came into my life at one of my darkest moments. Along with the intense happiness, you've also brought along the most intense arguments I've ever had. I just can't thank you enough for every single one of those moments and the opportunities to learn from them and for helping me to find myself. Thank you for being able and willing to tune to my frequency even though I was never able to keep up with yours.
I have no wish to be your burden. I know when you see me in good hands, you will take off and excel with your brilliance. I wish you all the very very best and I hope your deserved happiness will come knocking on your door soon. Just don't be a stranger to me. You know I'll never be one and my doors are always open for you.
P/S: And every time I hum this verse, the hum bao in me is reminded of all that you've done for me - "Si lei hai mun sung ngao, nao lei cai dak dao ai mo. Dang wun sao mok dou lei, Wei ngao Hao ji gei bak Hao"
你要找到你的幸福哦？不然我会很伤心的。
http://www.quora.com/What-is-the-rider-and-the-elephant-metaphor
Monday, June 30, 2014
Murder by numbers
I just...
Like to get my head over my heels.
For the thrill of it.
Like Leopold & Loeb.
And it's all in my head.
I'm passionate, I'm enthusiastic.
I don't hide it and I can't play games.
O well, better luck next time. Your loss. Not mine.
Like to get my head over my heels.
For the thrill of it.
Like Leopold & Loeb.
And it's all in my head.
I'm passionate, I'm enthusiastic.
I don't hide it and I can't play games.
O well, better luck next time. Your loss. Not mine.
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