Oh, you mean I have a choice?

Many times people pass judgments too quickly, failing to see the other side of the story.

Many times stubbornness leads to misunderstandings and we piss off one another.

But the worst thing one can do is walking away, just 'cos she/he has given up trying...
and the closer the friend, the more it hurts.

There's always a giver and taker in any kind of relationship. You give some, you take some. Then sometimes, so much is taken and you don't realise it until you are already empty. What is there left to give? What is there left to hold on to? And this is the reason why people harden. The natural defence mechanism.

I was told (or so I thought) my greatest gift and asset is being able to soften that shell over and over again. Just so I could be able to trust, to be able to love, to be able to give. Then there comes a time where I'm emptied and I find no other sources to draw that energy from. And I begin to doubt my 'gift'. Perhaps I should be just a bit more selfish, just a bit more vindictive, just a bit more cunning. Ignorance, naivety and oblivion surely isn't bliss.

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I should just explain the scenario here, as I've been speaking in abstracts, and before that leads to anymore complications. Let me assure you that I'm not talking about anybody in particular. Just personal experiences (and some other friends') in general.

My anger has passed along with a few rantings.

If I had just gone back home straight after work, I wouldn't have a night of thinking to get through with. But then very 'smart' me recalled that Zoom has a game, so I changed my bus at Toa Payoh and got down to Kallang to support the team. Doesn't help that I was given into temptation to train with the younger ones. Doesn't help that their over-enthusiasm moved me. Doesn't help that my nsl team didn't make it into the top 4. Doesn't help that the Opens just returned from Samoa and are enjoying a movie at the cinema during the same time. Doesn't help that I'm not going to be in the World Champs team yet I'm doing weights to bulk up anyhow. Doesn't help that I have hormonal imbalance. Doesn't help the way that I'm treated during trainings. Doesn't help that the national coach allows the 'non-selected' and 'non-nsl-playing' to train with their clubs. Doesn't help that I'm in 'Air'. Doesn't help that hairline fractures are forming within the club. Doesn't help that my friends don't understand the situation. Doesn't help that people only see what they want to see. Doesn't help that I failed to fight for what I need, such nonsense I had to endure.

But it did help that I took the courage to pen this down in my otherwise pretty 'clean' blog. It will help if I know friends are willing to try and understand even if they couldn't make it alright. It will help knowing that once I go to sleep, tomorrow will be a better day.

P/S: I typed the title when I was still out of sorts. Perhaps I do have the choice, but I just lacked the courage.

Lovey Dovey

People, I'm in love. Not with ice cream, not with netball, not with diving... =) But first, let me talk abt my dive expedition.

Aside from names like Xena and Chihuahua, I earned a new alias, spiderwoman. In conjunction with the movie Spiderman 3 and in effort to raise its box office ranking after numerous critics and disappointments. Heh heh. Yea right. A diver named me that for walking around with my full body rashguard (aka bodysuit). He initially thought I was trying to flaunt my shapely figure with that body hugging suit, when in fact, I just wanted to keep the sandflies away. (The sandflies there are vicious. They literally feast on you.)

For the very 1st night dive that I led, we saw 2 cuttlefishes and a cute little boxfish. On top of that there were a number of eye candies.. the weekend had a whole group of 'angmohs'. I think they are either from UK's navy or army. There's one tt looks like Brandon Fraser, one that looks like that lead actor doctor from LOST, one that looks like Boromir from LOTR. For a while, I thought I was in Hollywood. LOL. Too bad I didn't get any of their contacts. O.. I saw 2 shooting stars on the boat ride there as well. It is one sweet escapade on temptation island! Muahahah.

Right right. All the above doesn't relate to the post title. The biggest surprise lay ahead when I came back from the trip.

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My sis got a DOG!!! It's so cute, I fell in love with it immediately. =) Talk about love at first sight. Muahaha. Been dropping by my sis's place every night ever since.

It's so small in my hands la~! Couldn't resist giving it a smooch. Hee.
Its name is Dovey. But I prefer to call it, 'Dobby' the house..... dog.
Cute ain't it?

Dovey (pronounced as 'DOE-VI' or dobby) is a female silky terrier. Though silky terriers ain't my fav. breed, Dovey is just irresistable la. She's 2months and 3 days old. And she'll grow old with me. Gee. I never knew I'm this lesbo.

Anyone who wants to see Dobby must make appointment in advance. Comes with a free night of stay over at my place. Food, accomodation, entertainment and mahjong included. *Depends on availability and first-come-first-serve basis. Act fast, before the open team comes back.

Till then, spiderman. Saturday, 19th May.

P/S: Another failed attempt at singing along with my hubby. But nevertheless, KL, this one is for you. =)

Revitalised

=) I'm back for Nike trainings after sooo long.. I have so much fun playing in a less stressful environment. So much fun shouting and jumping in the circle. I'm glad, I'm glad. I'm revitalised! Though I could do with more good conversations with the few of them. Especially Air would be playing National League far far away. Hopefully this 2 weeks will be enough time for me to recharge my interest and I'll be able to compete in the opens with renewed energy. Hmmmm....

Guess I'm not all that bitter about Samoa afterall, I needed this much more.

P/S: Dearest Inky, forgive my ignorance, really wish you could join us for training. I know you're busy and things ain't easy. But you're always on my mind. May this knowledge alone give you peace. JIA YOU!


Though this pic has got nothing to do with nike, and boy do I look fugly... It's 'Grouppix Galore' and everyone else looks nice(on Liyana's 21st-'anything-goes'-birthday. HAHA)

Until then, spiderman.

remember what 'Gracias' stands for.

ok. i'm being an idiot. jus needed to rant, to indulge myself. i'm ok now. Instead of looking at whoever that don't believe in me, I'm not doing justice to those who do. I have a 'fan club' and a number '1' fan after all. And these are the people who make me sane.

Since everyone else is ranting, why should I care?

I want to say this. I'm pissed. Life ain't easy. I ain't forever the optimist. I'm sad now, but I'll be happy tomorrow. If not, there's always the day after tomorrow. Nevertheless, just let me rant 'cos this is my turf and I say what I want regardless of whoever who reads this. I don't care if you think I'm childish or whatsoever. I dare you to judge me.

All because my wardrobe is pissing me off, while I'm scrounging for a non-existent tee which I lent to somebody and I can't remember who, and I don't have it with me, so I'm sure whoever borrowed it didn't return me, else I only have myself to blame. And all the ransacking for a damn trip that I ain't going anyway. And all because I'm caught in the middle of nowhere, being an adult where I can't act simply out of my own wishes just 'cos there are so many other underlying consequences you have to consider. And 'cos of people that wear masks and facades. And 'cos of people who don't believe in me. And 'cos I'm constantly trying to prove something and netball is not fun anymore. And 'cos I didn't tear for a teammate whom I thought I really care about and it makes me doubt my genuineness since everyone else is crying. And 'cos I have traded old friends for new ones and I want the old ones back. And 'cos I really hate feeling obligated. And 'cos I'm not 'free' anymore. Because... because...

o. What the hell? This will pass. Sleep it through. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Peace.