Bittersweet Return

To those that are feeling low already, please, please don't read this post, this entry won't run away, you can always read it another time when you're feeling better.

-I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, Inky. I can comprehend your sadness, for being already at the bottom of the pit, I can sink no further.

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A wave of unexpected nostalgia hit me when I arrived at the airport today. Everyone else had families, friends and loved ones welcoming them home. I felt a bit lost in the transition. I miss my room so much, I miss my family so much. Yet, when I was in Mum's car on the journey back home, I began to miss the life in Melbourne, the experiences I had and the form of escape it offered. Oh~ the irony of it all. Back home, I've the urge to see my friends, friends that I'm happier around with, those who's company are so assuring and comforting, I don't have to feel conscious of myself. But again, back home is where I'll face reality, where I face the media's scrutiny about the team's performance and face an issue I've been avoiding all this time right since I embarked on the journey to the games.

We didn't play badly, we just couldn't sustain the good patches of play that we are capable of. Certainly my prediction in the last post is quite wrong. We lost to St. Vincent & the Grenadines by 6 goals and landed ourselves the last place in the Games. Of course there's great disappointment, yet strange enough, the tears I shed seemed to be of an entirely different matter. These are tears of degeneration, of defeat, of loss, of wrong turns and choices, of self-mutilation. I couldn't pinpoint what my problem was during my escapade trip overseas, why I'm so dazed out of my senses. And now when my mum brought me news in the car, news from school, I knew I've been dreading it subconsciously during the games all along - which is probably the main reason why I couldn't earn respect from my teammates - just cause I have lost respect in myself the first place. I'm a proud person, and this is a huge load (of pride, wasted time and all whatsoever crap) for me to bear. So please, spare all your reprimands (I know I brought it upon myself), your advises, your 'should-have-dones-and-nots'. What I really need is your shoulder and tissues - the melissa way. Let me peace out for the moment.

I'm tired.

Last match in Melbourne

Playing our last game vs St. Vincent & the Grenadines in bt 3 hours time. Fighting for the spot to NOT be in the last placing for the Commonwealth Games. I'm kinda sure that we will win the game today (hopefully- keeping my fingers crossed), just as sure as I will be warming the bench throughout the entire game. Don't worry, I'm not really complaining. After experiencing the disappointment and witnessing some other couple of negative emotions during the end of Barbados and Wales game, I'm more readily prepared and mentally stronger to handle matters, be it weird or not. So wish us luck for our very last game and that this team will stay strong enough to take things all the way through.

Before I go, I must speak of my experience playing against the Australian Team (even though they didn't put the main lineup). Needless to say, we were thrashed -badly-, as Jeanine puts it, it seemed like they were stealing candy from a baby. Score's 19-107. When I was put on court for the last quart (thankfully), I remembered seeing huge towering yellow pillars. Every 3 strides of mine is equivalent to one of theirs. Every one of them is some heads taller than me. What in the world did they feed on to grow such phenomenal heights? Tall they may be, yet they're extremely agile and lightning fast. It's no wonder so many people idolises them. I was caught lagging behind and chasing most of the time. My only defence is that I was playing Centre (which I played none of even during practice since I first set foot in Melbourne). Utterly bizarre lineup and I was slightly taken aback when doning the bib, though I did manage to keep my composure on court. And of course, I had the honor of collecting the ball from Sharelle Macmohan before every of our centre passes. haw haw haw. Obviously we haven't been putting in goals. Right, before I seem to be condemning my team any further, I thought that we did a pretty good job keeping our grounds. There were very few unforced errors on our part and it was truly the battle of the bodies since both teams' playing styles are almost the same. You'll have the watch the videos to judge for yourself.

Got to go get prepared for our very last game and possibly, first victory. Till then!

Quick update

hey ppl. sorry. din hav as much time as i wish to update the blog during the games. i shy to keep borrowing laptop from the others.

thanks kl. the wales game was quite a match to watch, so was the barbados game. shall go into details in my next post. thrashed by the aussies today.

yep yolanda, i'll contact u definitely but i lost my M1 SIM card here. so u can only contact me via the free prepaid card they provided (which i can't remember the no now & explains y i haven been replying msgs. ha). I'll sms u soon. mayb tmr after my playoffs in the noon. hope to catch up w u here in Melbourne too!

gtg. till then guys!

International Debut

As you may have known, today we played a game vs Jamaica (World no. 3). Score's 22-67. No prizes for guessing who's the winner. I thot we did pretty impressively against them. Never expect myself to be playing but I was prepared nevertheless. I didn't get to start but when I was named to go in for the 2nd quart, my own focus and determination overwhelmed all distractions (crowd, cameras, lights, noise, etc) so much so that I'm surprised at myself. I made use of my chances pretty well though I won't say that I played 101% (could have done more), so I won't expect to start tomorrow's lineup vs Samoa (think they are between world no.6-8). Yet, I can say this is the best game I've played so far on the Melbourne trip, partly 'cos I'm motivated by the team, the wonderful atmosphere, and myself. And to top it off, this game is my 1st cap for International Games. How wonderful to make a debut.... At the Commonwealth Games! I'm not a 'virgin' open player anymore. WAHAHAHA!

Oh. Netball aside, let me describe to you about the life in the village here. Other than the free food buffet style (and boy it's difficult to keep my diet under control ard here), free internet access, and cute (sometimes, famous) people to oggle at, it all boils down to self entertainment - There's no TV! (also dunno how I managed to survive this long, boy do I miss HBO and Star movies at home) Heh. Not so bad lar. At least I got to see myself on TV, even though tt'll be the VHS. Hope that Kate can make copies for us so that I can bring home and show everyone!~ Mostly between trainings, games, breaks, meals and recoveries, we gamble to pass time. We are the Singapore Bridge Team, I tell you. Almost everyone in our team has learnt bridge 'cos we keep going at it again and again and again.. It's highly addictive. (and I'm sure Slim will agree with that) Even Liling has picked up game, after I tried to explain the rules to her in my half past six mandarin. Right. It's late over here already. Got to tackle Samoa tmr. Will report my progress when I have the time.

Till then, thanks for checking back and all your kind wishes and messages. (KK, you know I'm talking about you.) Ciao.

5th day in Melbourne.

This is gonna be a real short entry due to time constraints. Some updates on how I'm doing here in Melbourne. Will include photos when I have the time. Jus came back from the opening ceremony today. Delta Goodrem was singing on stage and the Queenie Elizabeth was there (too bad Prince William or Harry ain't). HAHA. we waved at her. tons of beautiful fireworks that looked like the meteor shower. B-E-A-U-Tiful. the atmosphere's ecstatic. Everyone's waving and throwing flags, souveniors & glow-sticks frantically at the spectators - regardless whether they were ready to receive the shower of gifts or not (some hit their heads/faces). the stadium's HUGE!~ there were so many countries marching in along with us, waving flags and snapping photos. this is the best part yet for as far as the melbourne trip is concerned! Will be back with more news. Our 1st game is vs Jamaica (World no. 3) on the 17th. Oh well, let's hope that we won't get thrashed - too badly-.

Till then, Ciaoz.

Tribute

If I die (touchwood), I want this song to be played at my funeral. It's a very touching song.. and appropriate, honestly. I'll dedicate this song and lyrics to myself and whoever that's lost someone.

Mourn, and move on.
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Robbie Robertson
Shine Your Light
Ladder 49 OST


The cry of the city like a siren's song
Wailing over the rooftops the whole night long
Saw a shooting star like a diamond in the sky
Must be someone's soul passing by

These are the streets
Where we used to run where your Papa's from
These are the days
Where you become what you become
These are the streets
Where the story's told
The truth unfolds
Darkness settles in

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so I can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength
To carry on, carry on

Don't wanna be a hero
Just an everyday man
Trying to do the job the very best he can
But now it's like living on borrowed time
Out on the rim, over the line
Always tempting fate like a game of chance
Never wanna stick around to the very last dance
Sometimes I stumble and take a hard fall
Loose(?) hold your grip off the wall

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so I can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength to carry on
Carry on

I thought I saw him walking by the side of the road
Maybe trying to find his way home

He's here but not here
He's gone but not gone
Just hope he knows if I get lost

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so I can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength to carry on
Carry on

long overdue

This post is long overdue. My assignments are long overdue. My declaration of love for those dear to me is long overdue. My regrets are long overdue. My tears are long overdue. My fragility is long overdue. My physical fatigues are long overdue. My patience is long overdue. My library books are long overdue...

Oh well.. Overdue is in the past. There is still time from now on to make up for everything. To better things up. Grieve and move on. Cry and move on. Leaving for Commonwealth Games in less than 2 weeks time. Must sort myself out before I go. Must be able to put aside all distractions. Must have confidence. Must play well. Must love and miss my family while I'm away.

Goodbye and take care.
dearest uncle, rest well in paradise. watch over everyone dear to you and bless them.