It's only right for me to write about us after all that we've been through. All the wonderful memories we've shared (some that you recall more vividly than I do) and the terribly intense arguments we had that always sent both of us reeling in tears (many of which I can't recall the reasons it started save for the scene we made). In spite of all these ups and downs, I'm so glad you came into my life - to be my life's coach, to whip my stubborn self into shape and believing in my ambitions and attempting to help me get there even though I always end up disappointing you. I proved to be a weight to heavy for you to give a leg up on.
We started out knowing we were good for each other because of our differences. You could tame the emo elephant in me, I could move the rational rider in you. But alas, the very differences that brought us together were the same ones that drove us apart. There came a time when we couldn't spend 1 day together without each other and there also came a time we couldn't spend 1 day not quarreling. You were always exasperated with my lack of urgency, accountability and following through on my said ambitions. I was always confounded by your steadfastness, your at times overwhelming pride and your penchant for self-righteousness that makes apologies so hard come by. How could a person who treads so many shades of grey like me be with someone as unyieldingly resolute as you?
Nevertheless, even though we can't find the middle ground to be together, I'm grateful to have you as my best buddy/companion. Afterall, you are the one person who stood by me and saw me as I am, who can second guess my every move, who dug 1 meter of sand from under a 4wd in the middle of nowhere and brought me to places that I'd have procrastinated forever to set afoot on. Thank you for putting up with my 2-3 years of nonsense and dropping your walls to be silly with me during those not-so-seriousness moments.
It's good that you never allowed me to put a time stamp to our relationship. We never truly had an official get together nor an official break up. That suit us just fine and now I know you did it for my sake. You knew my absurd obsession with dates and in my heart I know you wanted to make things easy by allowing us to let go of each other slowly. I can't thank you enough for that given how I was dropped like a rock by Liz.
Thus, I was slightly taken aback when you casually mentioned on Sat about a pact in which we will be companions at 40 years old if we haven't found someone by then... I know we are good for each other but I also remember how we can't live with each other every single day. To hear you say that at this time made me wonder if you are afraid of losing me because of the potential that I may have found someone now. I'm honored you would still want me as your companion to grow old with despite all our differences. I remembered feeling slightly blue when I heard you were dating someone but I know it's for the better. And now, I hope you can see it too. You have been the constant objectivity in my turbulent life and I appreciate you for that. I believe you when you say you want the best for me. So now, even with your harshest words, I try my best to see where you're coming from - and although the emo elephant in me resists your advice, the unwilling rational rider has picked up the message. It set me to think slightly more objectively and balanced. I know you worry that I'll get into trouble with my childishness and careless ways - but sometimes the hardest and best lesson can only be learnt from the experience of the burn. And that was how I found you back then in the first place.
This is the time for me to thread this path myself, to learn to deal with the consequences of my choices that I now have to make on my own. Let me 误闯误撞 to learn from my bruises as I pave and seek my own happiness. I hope you won't forsake me as I look to you for advice and counsel - I've held no one else in higher regard. But I understand if you need the space given all that we've been through.
Thank you for taming my emo elephant and awakening my rational rider.
Know this, however happy I am now and in the future, whether or not He's the one... I will still remember you and I will love you always. As a friend now perhaps, but still no less. You were the best thing that came into my life at one of my darkest moments. Along with the intense happiness, you've also brought along the most intense arguments I've ever had. I just can't thank you enough for every single one of those moments and the opportunities to learn from them and for helping me to find myself. Thank you for being able and willing to tune to my frequency even though I was never able to keep up with yours.
I have no wish to be your burden. I know when you see me in good hands, you will take off and excel with your brilliance. I wish you all the very very best and I hope your deserved happiness will come knocking on your door soon. Just don't be a stranger to me. You know I'll never be one and my doors are always open for you.
P/S: And every time I hum this verse, the hum bao in me is reminded of all that you've done for me - "Si lei hai mun sung ngao, nao lei cai dak dao ai mo. Dang wun sao mok dou lei, Wei ngao Hao ji gei bak Hao"
你要找到你的幸福哦？不然我会很伤心的。
http://www.quora.com/What-is-the-rider-and-the-elephant-metaphor
