8 years ago

Had this saved in the drafts for the longest time since Liyana's 2nd ACL injury, but it stayed there cos it wasn't appropriate when her actual diagnosis came out and I didn't get around to editing it.

Thought now would be a good time.. what with all the injuries I see happening around to my friends. KKKL going on a big op, Ling for another. Seeing Liy and SQ at rehab.
I think one of the reasons I blog so little is cos I'm cautious abt how I portray myself out here. After all, it is a public blog any tom dick and harry can view. I'd rather be the entertainer out here than give any more personal insights to outsiders. But again, screw it. Do I really think outsiders will care about what I have to say? Hah. Anyways, this post's for you, Karrot Koh. (and it was for you.. Best Fren)

(typed on the 31st March 2009)
One of my life's biggest setbacks occurred this same day 8 years back. The first time I was daunted by something I've put my heart into and have it taken from me. I used to joke to my TK classmates that I'm married to my sport, at the rate I was training then. After 1st round National Schs, we haven't lost a single match, I virtually felt like the team's star player... and then I had to fall from grace (no pun intended). Since my ACL injury occurred, I kinda got thrown into growing up too soon while I was meant to be enjoying my youth. HAHAHA. Does sound a bit drama... but it was indeed a wake up call to my ignorance of life's vulnerability. I was too used to bouncing back up from my tripping over. This fall had me shaken when I took a much longer time to get back on my feet. It's all for the better though... I had more time to learn from the pain of the climb. Had more sense knocked into me then. Woken up to be stronger and even invigorated to do better at my sport when I've fully recovered.


(and the edited today)
Alas, that was 8 years ago and I might have forgotten that lesson... I'm falling into an easy stupor now. Getting comfortable with routines, lazing on my couch, sleeping from watching HBO. Then the exchange with my dive instructor over this Tioman weekend served like water splashed in the face. What do I want in life? (This trip ain't much of an escapade after all.) After all this years, do I still want to be the same thick headed person, walking into the same pillars, tripping over the same ditches? I'd love to keep that sense of wonder, innocence, naivety and intensity, but do spare me the heartache and injuries. And since that is almost impossible... Is it worth it? Scotland, Asian Champs and even last night's fitness test is way disappointing. If I can't do it 100%, why am I doing it at all? Is the pain physical or am I mentally wrecked? And since rheotorical questions aren't helping, I ought to DO SOMETHING. (With Novak less than motivating, I must look elsewhere. muahaha) May tmr's ace match bring me a stroke of inspiration. Some place to feel good and bring the love back at least... be it temporarily.

To the other ACL and op ppls, I guess what I'm trying to say is this... Every fall, every obstacle you encounter now, gives the opportunity to rise and be better than before. It may hurt but the more painful it is, the better the lesson etched in your mind. And there's more motivation to break that comfort zone. I'm tired of letting Netball be the excuse for not doing the things that I want to do and I'm waiting for that wake up call. Hope I won't be like Chistina from that movie "Vicki Christina Barcelone" where she'll only be sure of what she doesn't want, but not of what she wants. Bah.

On the brighter side, we're famous during Earth Hour thanks to you, bestfren!

So pretty for wad?


And the other ACL girl who shares the same anniversary as me. HAHAHAHA.. I haven't forgotten. Hang out soon. But we must curb our enthusiasm for food else we'll only keep growing fatter.. You'll look like a ball with chopsticks stuck out of you again. muahahahaa.. We can watch movies without the popcorn!

P/S: Thx Karrot Koh and Bez Fren for monday. It's nice. =)

P/P/S: Even if it's all gloom now.. 16th July, by hook or crook, I'll be merry and you should too!

P/P/P/S: or if we win ace tmr and I play well, merry comes sooner.