Oh, you mean I have a choice?

Many times people pass judgments too quickly, failing to see the other side of the story.

Many times stubbornness leads to misunderstandings and we piss off one another.

But the worst thing one can do is walking away, just 'cos she/he has given up trying...
and the closer the friend, the more it hurts.

There's always a giver and taker in any kind of relationship. You give some, you take some. Then sometimes, so much is taken and you don't realise it until you are already empty. What is there left to give? What is there left to hold on to? And this is the reason why people harden. The natural defence mechanism.

I was told (or so I thought) my greatest gift and asset is being able to soften that shell over and over again. Just so I could be able to trust, to be able to love, to be able to give. Then there comes a time where I'm emptied and I find no other sources to draw that energy from. And I begin to doubt my 'gift'. Perhaps I should be just a bit more selfish, just a bit more vindictive, just a bit more cunning. Ignorance, naivety and oblivion surely isn't bliss.

_______________________________

I should just explain the scenario here, as I've been speaking in abstracts, and before that leads to anymore complications. Let me assure you that I'm not talking about anybody in particular. Just personal experiences (and some other friends') in general.

My anger has passed along with a few rantings.

If I had just gone back home straight after work, I wouldn't have a night of thinking to get through with. But then very 'smart' me recalled that Zoom has a game, so I changed my bus at Toa Payoh and got down to Kallang to support the team. Doesn't help that I was given into temptation to train with the younger ones. Doesn't help that their over-enthusiasm moved me. Doesn't help that my nsl team didn't make it into the top 4. Doesn't help that the Opens just returned from Samoa and are enjoying a movie at the cinema during the same time. Doesn't help that I'm not going to be in the World Champs team yet I'm doing weights to bulk up anyhow. Doesn't help that I have hormonal imbalance. Doesn't help the way that I'm treated during trainings. Doesn't help that the national coach allows the 'non-selected' and 'non-nsl-playing' to train with their clubs. Doesn't help that I'm in 'Air'. Doesn't help that hairline fractures are forming within the club. Doesn't help that my friends don't understand the situation. Doesn't help that people only see what they want to see. Doesn't help that I failed to fight for what I need, such nonsense I had to endure.

But it did help that I took the courage to pen this down in my otherwise pretty 'clean' blog. It will help if I know friends are willing to try and understand even if they couldn't make it alright. It will help knowing that once I go to sleep, tomorrow will be a better day.

P/S: I typed the title when I was still out of sorts. Perhaps I do have the choice, but I just lacked the courage.