lost in 'Lost'.
I have this habit of blogging really outdated stuff - events that seem to matter quite a bit during that period - but as time goes by, it isn't as important anymore. Talking 'bout my HDD crashing. Really heartaching to have all my personal documents and pictures -commonwealth games, training trips and tours, scenery, birthdays, coaching, diving, that 'perfect' one - all gone, lost, lost, lost. Then again, I think to myself, how often do I pull out those documents/pictures to read and see anyway. Maybe it really is time to put down those excess baggage and place my focus in the future. Too much of a 'down-memory-lane' person I am. The essence of these memories will be in my head and I might even beautify it further with my imagination, so it's physicalities shouldn't matter, right? =P But still can't help feeling *sim tiarh. Ho-hum. Let it be.
Shuangru's birthday just passed yesterday. We had this brief dinner on the 22nd. I realised I'm not much of a party organiser, never been. Try too hard to cater to everyone's requests, I think. Not that my friends are demanding, just that I'm not 果断 (decisive) enough. Have you ever had this feeling that - at times, you hear so many voices (no doubt with good intentions), you can't hear your own? Oh well, I get that once in a while. Think everybody does. Maybe I need some time to myself, yet strangely, ain't that what I've been getting for the past week in school? Sitting in front of the comp, staring, till I lose track of time. Guess time alone to 'ponder' and 'work' is very different.
I feel a little like a 'castaway' nowadays. Too much school I think. I get such extreme focus and solitude, I can't transition in time to be the livewire that I usually am with friends when we hang out together. Even when I do, something tells me I'm talking too much and trying too hard. A bit of a blabbermouth, really, now that I reflect upon my conversation with the young and 'lively' one in school especially. Like those 'high-school' bimbo - green with envy, yet pals all the same. Facades, facades...
But all is not lost. I've recognised when I talk incessantly and for the sake of polite conversation.. in time, I'll master the technique of listening carefully, thinking thoroughly before speaking intelligently like how Daries does so well. I wonder though, it would be awfully tiresome to have the wheels in your brain churning all the time, wouldn't it? Whatever happened to 'ignorance is bliss'? Such irony - life so simple can be easily complicated. It's all in our heads, ain't it?
Of course, life would be terribly boring if there're weren't any 'downs' to contrast the 'ups' against, wouldn't it? Despite my laments, I have my fair share of joy for the past month as well. =)
Liling's birthday just passed not too long ago. I was truly happy to see the many faces I haven't seen a long time since - Yiqi with her quiet yet supportive demeanor, consistent as always (a bit like Melis), Grace Ho's entertaining mix of 'bluriness' & 'bubbliness', Serene's ceaseless enthusiam, Weiqi's amusing bluntness.. etc, etc. Fun Fun Fun! And of course the heartwarming scenes brought upon by the handmade scrapbook, complete with lovely notes and pictures. Nostalgic! Speaking of which I experienced by the torrents as I wandered the grounds of TKGS some weeks back, having to takeover Rachel for a coaching session.
Seeing the young tkgians playing on the court we used to dominate, I relived the past memories as vivid as if they were yesterday. Images of the past played out in front me as I strolled the school grounds. It feels very much like watching the typical musicvideos broadcasted repeatedly for the national day campaign. ~*so aksyuen I was so overwhelmed then.. that I actually took out my handphone to record my rudimentary thoughts as I passed each familiar place. Even that sounded very much like lyrics out of a national day song. In conjunction with our nation's 41st birthday approaching, I might as well share that saved message then and we can all laugh at my elementary english. Who knows, someone famous might just stumble on this blog, gain inspiration and write a song out of it! HAHA.~ So here goes...
This was where I scored my 3pointer
This was where I jumped 4 metres
This was where I played the piano
This was where I received my exam papers
This was where I walked into the pillar twice
This was where I tripped countless times
This was where we had our 'frank' talks
This was where we played our morning game
This was where we did the extra gym sessions
This was where we ran our 2.4k route
This was where we shared tears and laughter
Where dreams were a reality
Where I grew up from a kid
Where I lived virtually carefree days
Where I truly ate, dreamt and slept Netball
Where memories run deep and still touch my heart when I recall them
_______________________________________
Mind you, I was overflowing with emotions when I typed it in my phone, you wouldn't expect me to be in a lyrical mood. Does sound a bit corny now that I reread it. HAHA. Oh well. At least it gives a certain sense of realism.
Really miss those days.
Can't wait to catch up with the bunch of tkgians.
Can't wait to set foot on court and play a 轰轰烈烈 game of netball. (like those in India now)
Can't wait to go diving and befriend the fishes.
Can't wait for the rush of endorphins needed to break out of this routine of slouching in front of the computer
Can't wait, Must run!
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