To those that are feeling low already, please, please don't read this post, this entry won't run away, you can always read it another time when you're feeling better.
-I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, Inky. I can comprehend your sadness, for being already at the bottom of the pit, I can sink no further.
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A wave of unexpected nostalgia hit me when I arrived at the airport today. Everyone else had families, friends and loved ones welcoming them home. I felt a bit lost in the transition. I miss my room so much, I miss my family so much. Yet, when I was in Mum's car on the journey back home, I began to miss the life in Melbourne, the experiences I had and the form of escape it offered. Oh~ the irony of it all. Back home, I've the urge to see my friends, friends that I'm happier around with, those who's company are so assuring and comforting, I don't have to feel conscious of myself. But again, back home is where I'll face reality, where I face the media's scrutiny about the team's performance and face an issue I've been avoiding all this time right since I embarked on the journey to the games.
We didn't play badly, we just couldn't sustain the good patches of play that we are capable of. Certainly my prediction in the last post is quite wrong. We lost to St. Vincent & the Grenadines by 6 goals and landed ourselves the last place in the Games. Of course there's great disappointment, yet strange enough, the tears I shed seemed to be of an entirely different matter. These are tears of degeneration, of defeat, of loss, of wrong turns and choices, of self-mutilation. I couldn't pinpoint what my problem was during my escapade trip overseas, why I'm so dazed out of my senses. And now when my mum brought me news in the car, news from school, I knew I've been dreading it subconsciously during the games all along - which is probably the main reason why I couldn't earn respect from my teammates - just cause I have lost respect in myself the first place. I'm a proud person, and this is a huge load (of pride, wasted time and all whatsoever crap) for me to bear. So please, spare all your reprimands (I know I brought it upon myself), your advises, your 'should-have-dones-and-nots'. What I really need is your shoulder and tissues - the melissa way. Let me peace out for the moment.
I'm tired.
7 comments:
No reprimands, no advises, no 'should-have-dones-and-nots', just a pat on your shoulder. Be strong.
who has the right to say what you should or should not do but yourself? that's what i believe anyway. i know you did your best. (:
forget wat others say or think...as long as ur truthful to urself n everything u do, u owe nothing to no one! cheer up babe! :D
No War was won without sacrifice.
No Victory was as sweet without the pain.
No turn is wrong if there is a lesson learnt, the lesson of self discovery.
Win with humility, lose with dignity.
I am proud to know you, the person who hides the pain and heartaches inside, to show a happy and cheerful face to keep the moral around you up and going.
Heads up girl, the world is not governed by the opinions of others.
Their loss is your gain. Freedom is priceless. You now have been given back the gift that God has given you, the gift of Choice.
Regardless of the pressures of life and expectations, it only refines and beautifies the qualities you have. Just like a diamond. :)
Cuts and polishes hurt, but it only serves to strengthen and turn something of value into something precious.
God with you my dear one.
oh my, every comment is getting chimmer by the day. thanks guys for ur concern. i'm better, much better and a lot more clear-minded.
see you guys soon, cousins and frens and what not.
jia you! just want to say that.
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