Qyingdom

Some inspiration please...

2011-11-18T19:55:00.002+08:00

It's not a good sign to have a writer's block in your own blog. I'm suppose to be able to rant, crack jokes, reminisce, comment about random inconsequential things. Yet... (*knock knock) I can't come up with anything.

There's a couple of things I can attribute this lack of brain juice to:

1. The iPhone

My brain has been over stimulated by this handy device, I can't tear my eyes off the puny screen for one bit. It now follows me to my place of inspiration (ie - the toilet), where I used to hatch ideas while squatting over the bowl among other things. I find it a chore to lift my fingers off the touch phone and even reach for the toilet paper now. With my eyes on the small screen, everything else comes in auto pilot mode - flushing, washing my hands, etc... (At least I think I washed my hands... Ho-hum..) Maybe you should think twice about ever touching my phone again. Muahahaha.

2. TV

With Masterchef, America's Next Top Model, New Girl, etc... various entertainment showing on TV, why would I wanna do anything else? It's far too tempting to sit on the couch and nua... Doesn't help that the food on Masterchef looks too darn good and makes me salivate constantly even though I've already eaten. As such, I'm growing fatter in front of the TV everyday. Catching all the different seasons of America's Next Top Model must have turned me dumber... but I couldn't will myself to stop. I "wanna be on top" and I reckon I needed to pick up some bitching skills. See, my favorite channels used to be Animal Planet and Discovery Channel... but these days, my desire to gain new knowledge have sizzled out with the very last reason...

3. S-C-H-O-O-L

Bah. Bah. Bah. Did I really think I loved writing essays this much? Give me something interesting to write about, something like sharks, diving, sports... etc, I'll gladly do it. How am I suppose to bull my way through about theories of communication? Quote the other academics... that should help to make up at least another 300 words out of a 2000 word essay.

Seriously, all you had to do is quote another smart guy, who quoted some other smart guy, who quoted another and another and another.. till you have no idea where the theory came from in the first place. For all you know, that last guy quoted the theory from the very first guy and it all goes in a circle. Hell, I could just throw in anything that sounds convincing and quote something out of context from a scholar and it could turn up in somewhere in somebody else's report. Just like how you could make up things in wikipedia.

And honestly, some assignments that are meant to be fun is made a total killjoy by lecturers. I'd love to write a review about a professional theatrical performance that I've watched but the criteria and window period is just ludicrous. How many interesting theatrical plays do you think you can find in a span of 10 days? For an assignment that is due in Dec, do you think we can remember it in detail by the end of this week? And I'm so tight up for cash right now, do you seriously think I'd fork out at least 30 bucks to watch a play just to complete this assignment? As if the school would reimburse me for having to pay to do the assignment which I'm unlikely to score well in anyway. With the stringent marking scheme (highest in class for a particular assignment is 14/20), I'm less than motivated to spend too much time in it. I suspect those jackasses mark upon a perfect score of 75%. I doubt they would even score well if they were to mark their own work.

Argh... just finish the damn thing already so that I can get back to Masterchef and see some happy food! Woots.

Hah. For somebody that started off with nothing to write about... I sure found my pent up anger and energy.

Till I rant again... (needa go check on my pets in the iphone now). Ciaoz.

Why I'm doing this:

2011-08-31T22:17:00.004+08:00

Because I no longer have the fear of rejection. Or rather, I don't want to be afraid anymore.

Because I'm learning the toughest chapter in life: to put my pride down.

Because the biggest competitor I have is against myself.

Because the world has not seen the best of me.

Because I miss playing at the elite level.

Because I want to go back the to good old days where politics do not matter.

Because I just wanna play Netball the way it's suppose to be.

=)

Thankyu.

Curse of the iPhone4

2011-08-27T01:06:00.000+08:00

One moment, the rare stroke of genius inspired me, gearing the funny bone into optimum level; thoughts and ramblings started to flow freely and my typing speed was peaking at 25 words per minute...

The next definitive moment in the space of a few slow-motioned seconds: an itch on my fat butt - cue* fidgety movement, cue* overstretched wire, cue* unstable cheapo nana portable table. Tension. *Piak and the screen goes blank. Pitch black. Darker-than-the-color-of-my-face black. ________________. TMD.

Note to self: Always save your work especially pertaining to blue moon postings. Secondly, fight the itch to fidget. Thirdly, use portable battery when blogging with lao kok kok laptop that has loose wiring.

Lesson learnt? Maybe.

Reboot. Reboot. Now.. where was I? Oh yea. I was saying gee whiz how times have changed since my last posting, how I almost forgot my login password and how it's gotta be a record to have 2 posts a year. Even meteor showers occur more often than my posts, no? Don't blame the procrastination! How else would I be able to deter kaypohs from reading my blog.. Riiiiggghhhtt? Only those who truly cared, would check back once in a while. Only those worthy, would be entertained by my 'ridikulus' rantings, assertive erroneous proclaims and maybe the very occasional words of wisdom. Food for thought? (Quite literally) "YES, Food please!!" =D

The last time I was in here, I grieved over the loss of my first generation iphone and some. Fast forward a few months... these are the times of the iphone 4. I have mine syncing a gazillion songs that I've long given up on sorting from my ancient laptop. The poor abandoned latter. Outdated iTunes. Outdated microsoft office. Outdated anti virus. I admit it... Like Eve and her Adam, I have fallen prey to the Apple and sold my soul to the gadget. My creativity got lost in all its stimulant action games and my only goal in life now is to build the tallest tiny tower among all my peers.

Oh, what has the world come to? Looking at the commuters in the trains and buses, I bet you my first generation ipod shuffle that you have fallen prey to it too. Yes, 2012 is approaching and I have just the perfect theory on how the world will come to an end:
A vicious bug in the form of a popular app will infiltrate the ipod families, stealing credit card information and devastating millions. That, or human population will decline drastically from accidents caused by people whose eyes are constantly glued to their ipod screens.

A prophet from my school once said, "[Insert name]! One day, iPhone will kill you!"
How true those words rang... I've sunk not once, but twice, down the innocuous steps of the common HDB block, I'd rather risk breaking my neck than the iphone in my hand to break the fall. Numerous friends of mine suffered the same ordeal. Do not be fooled by the innocent looking gadget. It is dangerous! The apple products should come with disclaimer labels that state "Use with caution."

My dearest iPhone, I hereby abdicate you. Return me the good eyesight I've spoilt staring at your screen. Restore my sharp hearing that I've lost blasting your music. Return me my sense of wonder and compassion for all things non-electronic. I bid you adieu...
...after hanging myself with friends on the soon-to-be-built floor in tiny tower.

Godspeed, Gracias.

Pride & Prejudice

2011-03-27T22:57:00.005+08:00

Not that I've ever read that book (post title) before... O, but Keira and her Mr. Darcy were really cute in that film.

Right, I'm sidetracking as usual. I had so much inspiration at the start of 2011 but most of it got lost with my procrastination. Yes, it's not the first time. My room's gotten dusty and my literacy has gotten rusty. Which person in her right mind will blog at the rate of 2 posts a year and claim her blog to be alive? (*Bows deeply) "Your grace at your service." Come now, how often do you think I'm in my right mind? =P

Truth is, I'm a person with a helluva pride. You can say I'm a born defender honestly. I have the capability to defend my pride with a gazillion excuses thought out of thin air... but I'd rather not share them, just in case you recognize one should I throw any your way. *muahahahah

Of recent, many things have taken place which have opened up my perspective. As it was, I'd gotten so lost settling in my little pool of pride at the bottom of the well, I was satisfied with my little piece of sky above. Whether I'd dug this well and walled up the bricks or that I'd accidentally stumbled into it is irrelevant now... What matters is that I've found the ladder to pull me out of it and with each rung I grasp, I begin to see more and more of the view atop. The reality of everything above may scare me but I trust my ladder's sturdy support. It is time for the climb.

Herein on, I'm shedding my tinted lenses and learning to face the music better now. (I am pretty musically inclined to start off with.. so that shouldn't be too difficult. heh heh) If I was prejudiced with my tiny view from the well, shrouded from the facts of life, allow me time to adjust to the big big world and experience its many wonders as I should.

Whatever it is, I thankyu for dropping me this ladder.

Are you ready for GraceSim? (*complete with the hand gesture)

The Great Gracias 2010 Junk Yard Sale!

2010-12-21T05:39:00.006+08:00

(think the dark scene in Titanic where this man on the rescue boat was calling out for survivors among the sea of floating dead - complete with echo effect please.)

"Is there anyone ooutt therreee....?"
"Can anyone hearrr meeee....?"

And now, picture my blog as Rose who stirs from her stupor and mumbles weakly, "Come back.. Come back.." then she swims across to wrestle the whistle out of a dead man's body and blows it with all her might...

"*BeeeeEEPppppp, beeeepp, beeeeeppp!" (whistle transiting to the sound of a radio alarm clock)

(in the mutton bird's tone)"It's the Great Gracias Junk YARD SALE!!"

Excuse my randomness, lameness and... lateness. It's my repressed expressiveness spilling over from a blog left vacant for far too long. To say I'm being inspired by the cobwebs in my room could be partially true. But come now... do you really believe I am the least bothered by those? Surely if you know me any better, only when somebody comes for a stayover will I attempt to hide the layers of dust away. Muahahaha!

Quite right.. yard sale. I digress. See, I'm an avid collector of everything in relation to my memory of any kind... from candy wrappers I got from various important people and receipts of gifts I bought for friends, to carcasses of dead insects and dustmites residing amid the inches of snow atop any untouched surface of my wintry bedroom. It's no wonder why most of my friends who stays over at my place end up sick. You need a certain level of immune system and ample good fortune to survive my venus flytrap of a house with its tempting 'nuaness'. Heh Heh Heh!

So! TODAY IS CLEANING UP DAY!! (like every other day I attempt to tell myself). Well, for starters, I truly believe a yard sale of my antique things - which has the ability to put any museum to shame - can make me a millionaire. (Have you ever seen my collection of things, honestly?)

You may wonder... What inspired this sudden ingenious idea to be rich? Let me assure you I am well financially. Don't really have to busk (or should I say 'baSk'. heh heh) on the streets as yet. My inspiration came from the loss of an Iphone which didn't belong to me. Just because it's 2G, I treated the object with as much as care as I would give my random soft toy - leaving it anywhere and talking to it only when I deem necessary. Alas, the 'unexpected' happened and I lost the precious possession that belonged to this someone I truly cared about but always took for granted. =S 真的真的对不起. You probably don't even know the existence of this blog but on the tiny chance that you might stumble upon it, I hope you can see where I'm coming from.

Today I made up my mind to clear my load of rubbish in the room because I am finally letting go of immaterial things. I reckoned if those memories actually requires the existence of a physical object for me to recall them... then that memory isn't much worth remembering now is it? A friend made me realised that today when she told me she didn't need the physical things because she kept those moments in her head. That's when I figured out that when your brain is filled to the brim with an excess of things... it naturally filters out the bad and keeps the good. And I'm teaching myself to do the same now that I've lost something that wasn't mine to lose. I ought to practise what I have preached and act the same way to myself as I've been cruel to you. Oh yes, I did have a spare phone that just wasn't working very well and didn't look half as prestigious as the glam looking 2G Iphone you lent me. But I was selfish. I must be the worst sibling in the world. Ok, maybe second worst considering the Griffin family in Family Guy... or third, if you count the Simpsons human. Bottomline is... I am an inconsiderate cow of a sister. That jackass of the person who stole your phone.. I curse him till the day he ______ (inhales deeply and say mentally to myself - Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.) Ok... I'm sorry it wasn't mine to let go. But I'm hoping in a warped way, I have kind of made it easier for you. It only takes a button to restore everything in my phone to factory settings, no? If only humans have an internal software like that. One click restores you to unblemished innocence. I wish. I'm truly sorry for the many things that I took for granted but at the same time... the idiot that I am cannot guarantee I won't hurt you again. I mean... you know me la... So next time just don't lend me anything that is of vast importance, no matter how much I whine.

Mushy apologies aside, there are a few things about myself that I still marvel at... even after all that has happened during this time and through these passing years. (Not in the way like how Barney affirms himself to be awesome... but for once I'm cynical as to whether that is a positive trait) - How very little I have grown and changed despite all the trials and tribulations. Yes, I am thick-skulled. The previous years and especially this current one, passed almost like a dream and I was in this constant bubble of god knows what. In my quest for constant adventure, I floated to the moon high on air and intoxicated with ecstasy, unaware of how much my feet have left the ground of reality. It took a couple of nudges and bumps to burst that bubble and send me bouncing back to earth. Bouncing, not crashing I'd say cos I've got a whole bunch of human slaves to cushion the impact - (roughly translates to: I've got great friends who got my back). Thank God for them, not that I was very much a woman of faith.

All it takes is a little inspiration, a huge mistake and a very guilty conscience for me to wake up from my slumber, clean up my act, liberate myself from the excess junk, remember the things that count and blog about it. (Ok that is quite a list... but you get the point!) I will not forget the past and what it took for me to get here. Be grateful and gracious, especially to my dearly loved ones. Do I trust myself to not lapse into that 'take things for granted' mode? Apparently not, but I sure as hell will try my best not to forget.

Now that wasn't too tough, was it? From one of 小G's favorite shirt quotes, "When life gives you lemons... you make lemonade." (or somewhere along those lines) And for those injured... remember how Gino used to say, "Pain is your best friend!" How else would stubborn people like us learn?

If 2010 was me dreaming in space, then 2011 will be me sowing my dreams on earth. (Cheesy I know, but give me some credit for trying, won't you? Wait till I'm a policewoman... 小心我代表月亮惩罚你!) Of course, they shall be realistic dreams. Mostly.

And if you're still looking for a gracias 2010 junk yard sale, check the rubbish dump of sengkang east way block XXX for leftover stock. Thank you for your interest and have a happy christmas.

As Raina (from America's Next Top Model cycle 14) puts it, "I'm a Ninja, Good Night."

for new year's sake...

2010-01-01T10:27:00.003+08:00

There are ugly habits I have to break
The uncertain risks I have to take
The tough choices I have to make
And some things that I'll leave to fate
Before I get too dizzy in my head

piece of stake

2009-11-08T01:36:00.007+08:00

There's this vicious cycle occurring: sadness -> frustration -> anger (repeat)

The Sadness
As Lisa leaves for Australia, I thought about how a great coach is leaving us. Thank you for giving me the opportunities, and valuing my abilities. Sometimes, all you need is that belief from someone to rekindle that fire. Lisa, thanks for rekindling mine. You coach with so much heart, it inspires. I'm so sad to see you go.

The Frustration
And there comes the time I keep blaming myself for all the many things I could have done better and whatever that I could have done more. So why didn't I? And honestly, what's the point of regretting now?

The Anger
See... here's the thing. Frustration with oneself is never good to have so in effort to make myself feel better, I channel it to somewhere else.

If I were a prima donna, I would send the following letter:
________________________________________
Dear What's-his-face,
Nations Cup is in less than a month's time and as much as I'd like to move on, it is very difficult to do so when training's canceled. I have heard of a wet weather program during my coaching courses. I understand that we were meant to have a coach who can come in early and take us through Nations Cup as that is the best arrangement according to higher authorities but something seems different. There's approx 3 weeks to train for the Nations Cup and the results of the short training regime with a new coach is curious. Luckily, Nations Cup is a smaller event as compared to the Worlds 2011 where the focus is on. Do consider the timeline and consequences before taking unconventional actions as world champs approaches.

P/S: We work better with a training plan that need not be done personally by someone such as yourself.

With Shingz,
Martyr Netballer
____________________________________________

But alas, I'm as disposable as a pantyliner and as fat as a cow. Sending in a letter as such will have me end up like a half done steak- easily cut into pieces and bloody enough. S'cuse my language, I'm bleeding.

I wonder how long this gloom cycle lasts. Probably till my PMS end. Oh, did I mention it's my birthday yesterday? How uneventful it seems after all the recent passings. I'm turning into a grouch.

Dry wit's wet with rain, here sarcasm's staked... the tears I restrained, there I smiled instead.

Perk up tomorrow! I mustn't grow old (in the heart I mean). ooo yea.

Heavy Hearted

2009-09-23T00:29:00.003+08:00

I've done what I could have done. Said what I've wanted to say. Voiced my unhappiness. Now the outcome is out of my hands.

With a heavy heart, I'll await the final verdict. Whichever way it comes out, I'll move on from there.

Talk about my regrets for not putting in my best efforts that could have been - better diet control, better conditioning, better care for injuries, better play on court, better communication with Lisa and my teammates, speaking up more during team meetings...

Talk about opportunities from here forth, I'll take them on, but I will never forget the beautiful memories we've shared. Believe it or not, I have a good memory when I choose to put my mind to it. =)

Even though I may not show it much, love you Lisa, for all the wonderful things you've done for us (cooking meals, laundry sorting, mystery touring, what not), a personable coach like you ain't easy to come by. I wish I could have done more to go the distance with you.

Like sands through the hourglass...

2009-09-22T03:51:00.017+08:00

How about a light-hearted post after all that heaviness? =)

Siti Bapok Ah!Bang (spoken with the !* 'cluck' of tongue kung bushmen way - madam seah geofy will be proud), you'll be delighted at what i found in imdb - Internet Movie DataBase (for the uninitiated). hahaha. I just watched The Ugly Truth (boy ain't it HILARIOUS) and damnnn that cute doc is so familiar (and of course - hot), I had to google him.
Not all that cute here, but watch The Ugly Truth and you'll know he's got a hot bod

I told YiQi I've seen the actor before like from some drama, maybe dool (Days Of Our Lives soap drama) or something... but not that old. And guess what? He IS from DOOL and dool is not exactly an old series.... cos the hell it's still running! Imagine my surprise! And it really makes me wonder if all the actors did plastic surgery to maintain their looks cos they never seem to change the main cast.

Your favorite Malena is still there - but maybe not as hot as you think she was anymore.
Yep, definitely botoxed.

John, her lover, is still alive to accompany her through her old age..

Who can forget the sluty Kristen in her black bra scene to seduce John? (This one's left to get on with her life in The Bold and the Beautiful)

I think Stefonol died (I mean the character, not the actor) cos he's gone and in soap operas, bad guys do die even if it takes a longer time than usual.
Still looks the same old, same old

Hope & Bo are together with dunno how many children.. according to the latest episode guide, Hope is leaving Bo for good. (O, but somehow we just know she's coming back)
Looks a little like Sam Trammell from True Blood
definitely not aging gracefully with that throbbing vein

Sadly, our favorite couple Austin and Carrie has left (and gosh i'll never forget tt shower scene that it felt like my 1st porn movie. only tt it wasn't porn. hahaha. and damn isn't Austin hot!). And apparently, Austin the actor has moved on to another soap. But he still look as drool-worthy as ever at the age of 38. (Yea, I googled him too like all other beautiful men. LOL)
awwwwwwwwwww...
awOoo^ooooooo... he reminds me a little of Tom Welling actually

Oooo.. but guess what? That evil sister Sami is still alive in DOOL! How cool is that?
always acting pregnant to make up for her chubby face

And do you remember the forlorn but oh-so-handsome-bastard-child Lucas that always try to tear Carrie and Austin apart? He's still around. Gosh. I feel like watching DOOL online now.
Somehow in this pic, he looks like Clark Kent from Superman 2

Woohoo! Doesn't it bring back memories? I mean... Dool followed me through my primary school days - when I have to sneak out to the living room in the middle of the night to watch TV secretly, followed us through our teenage TK days when we were being plain weird by not sleeping at 2am in the night and too poor to suscribe SCV, when there were interesting make out scenes tt you've caught in the noon and told me to catch the rerun at night, when we've missed a hundred episodes and still can catch the story line after, and even till now... So many of our fav actors stayed the same and still acting. DOOL is the marathon runner you can never beat. I am nothing short of amazed.

I vaguely remember us complaining abt TCS 5 (ok.. maybe mediacorp already) ending the run of DOOL cos the company probably knows they'll fold before the series does. But o, they failed to understand... Those were our way of life (of late night corny TV) and those were the days of our lives. muahahahahaha.

Right.. so guess how many episodes of DOOL are there?

11170 as of 20th September. and still counting. And it started in 1965. Gosh, DOOL is 20years older than me! My broswer couldn't stop loading at the episode list page and I almost thought my computer got virus. I just couldn't scroll down to the end of the page, the scroll button shrunk smaller and smaller before you can catch it with your mouse arrow.. you should just visit the page for kicks. Cool eh? The kind of stamina DOOL has is inspiring. Even if I start watching every day of my existence from now, I'll never finish it. Good thing though, it does give people the will to live.. Think, "Oh, I can't die today, not yet cos I have to know what happens to Marlena tomorrow. Damn cliffhangers!!" ...And looking at my job prospects when I retire from Netball, I can join DOOL's cast and not worry about being out of a job ever. Ain't that great?

Oh, that sure is an amusing thought to entertain. DOOL brings back my funny antics during hard times. How's a couple of links to let you go nostalgic over (complete with cheesy fansite dated 1999, titled 'Austin & Carrie - Together Always' although we so know that they wouldn't be together in the end 'cos of the neverending conspiracy to split them up courtesy of Lucas & the pregnant Sami... Right???) =)

DOOL Official Site
http://www.daysofourlives.com/

DOOL on Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Days_of_our_Lives

Austin & Carrie - Together Always
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Network/7678/index.html

O, I'm happy down memory lane, if life could be simple like cheesy soap operas with predictable storylines...

"Like sands through the hourglass... so are the Days of Our Lives."

Remember

2009-08-24T02:54:00.008+08:00

Too often, my bad experiences one after the other adds up and overwhelms. Then I'll forget the things that matter and allow myself to go into a mind-numbing daze. Guess I've had enough of the grey skies. Time to operate on the tumour in my head and recover my spirits.

Remember to be thankful for little happenings and count your lucky stars.
Like how I dropped my pouch in the train and found it back even after I've gotten off, how my titus watch just so happened to be waterproof when I've forgot it in the shower, how things always work out in the end despite my scrambles... Delight in those disguised blessings.

Remember the unconditional love from your family and friends, especially the many sacrifices they have made for you. What have I done for them in turn? Do not take my parents for granted and raise my voice at them. Be there for my sister when she needs me the most. I don't have to be anything, and my family still loves me all the same.

Remember those who have passed. It's our duty to honor their legacy, for even if they're gone, we cannot forget, we musn't drift apart. Blood runs thicker than water, families should stick together. =)

Remember once past the indulgence, pain and grief humbles and strengthens. The fragility of life that teaches to embrace every moment and make the best out of it.

Remember the carefree, unblemished and relentless Gracias. Keep that intensity, bounce back and not be jaded by whatever that gets thrown in the way. Dark times brings opportunities. It's all in the mind to perceive it. After bad comes good.

2 years is a short time. I have drifted enough.
This is my habit to break, this is my opportunity to take.

Gracias as ever

8 years ago

2009-07-08T20:03:00.000+08:00

Had this saved in the drafts for the longest time since Liyana's 2nd ACL injury, but it stayed there cos it wasn't appropriate when her actual diagnosis came out and I didn't get around to editing it.

Thought now would be a good time.. what with all the injuries I see happening around to my friends. KKKL going on a big op, Ling for another. Seeing Liy and SQ at rehab.
I think one of the reasons I blog so little is cos I'm cautious abt how I portray myself out here. After all, it is a public blog any tom dick and harry can view. I'd rather be the entertainer out here than give any more personal insights to outsiders. But again, screw it. Do I really think outsiders will care about what I have to say? Hah. Anyways, this post's for you, Karrot Koh. (and it was for you.. Best Fren)

(typed on the 31st March 2009)
One of my life's biggest setbacks occurred this same day 8 years back. The first time I was daunted by something I've put my heart into and have it taken from me. I used to joke to my TK classmates that I'm married to my sport, at the rate I was training then. After 1st round National Schs, we haven't lost a single match, I virtually felt like the team's star player... and then I had to fall from grace (no pun intended). Since my ACL injury occurred, I kinda got thrown into growing up too soon while I was meant to be enjoying my youth. HAHAHA. Does sound a bit drama... but it was indeed a wake up call to my ignorance of life's vulnerability. I was too used to bouncing back up from my tripping over. This fall had me shaken when I took a much longer time to get back on my feet. It's all for the better though... I had more time to learn from the pain of the climb. Had more sense knocked into me then. Woken up to be stronger and even invigorated to do better at my sport when I've fully recovered.

(and the edited today)
Alas, that was 8 years ago and I might have forgotten that lesson... I'm falling into an easy stupor now. Getting comfortable with routines, lazing on my couch, sleeping from watching HBO. Then the exchange with my dive instructor over this Tioman weekend served like water splashed in the face. What do I want in life? (This trip ain't much of an escapade after all.) After all this years, do I still want to be the same thick headed person, walking into the same pillars, tripping over the same ditches? I'd love to keep that sense of wonder, innocence, naivety and intensity, but do spare me the heartache and injuries. And since that is almost impossible... Is it worth it? Scotland, Asian Champs and even last night's fitness test is way disappointing. If I can't do it 100%, why am I doing it at all? Is the pain physical or am I mentally wrecked? And since rheotorical questions aren't helping, I ought to DO SOMETHING. (With Novak less than motivating, I must look elsewhere. muahaha) May tmr's ace match bring me a stroke of inspiration. Some place to feel good and bring the love back at least... be it temporarily.

To the other ACL and op ppls, I guess what I'm trying to say is this... Every fall, every obstacle you encounter now, gives the opportunity to rise and be better than before. It may hurt but the more painful it is, the better the lesson etched in your mind. And there's more motivation to break that comfort zone. I'm tired of letting Netball be the excuse for not doing the things that I want to do and I'm waiting for that wake up call. Hope I won't be like Chistina from that movie "Vicki Christina Barcelone" where she'll only be sure of what she doesn't want, but not of what she wants. Bah.

On the brighter side, we're famous during Earth Hour thanks to you, bestfren!

So pretty for wad?

And the other ACL girl who shares the same anniversary as me. HAHAHAHA.. I haven't forgotten. Hang out soon. But we must curb our enthusiasm for food else we'll only keep growing fatter.. You'll look like a ball with chopsticks stuck out of you again. muahahahaa.. We can watch movies without the popcorn!

P/S: Thx Karrot Koh and Bez Fren for monday. It's nice. =)

P/P/S: Even if it's all gloom now.. 16th July, by hook or crook, I'll be merry and you should too!

P/P/P/S: or if we win ace tmr and I play well, merry comes sooner.

the GREATEST BOOK of all

2009-05-13T04:18:00.004+08:00

What would make Gracias Simone Djokovic blog at 4.19am in the morning? In fact, what would move this lazy ass bummer to blog at all after disappearing for 2 months?

Not making the Opens team.
Not NSL or any other Netball things.
Not overseas & dive trips.
Not volunteering at ACRES.
Not stuff & birthdays of family & friends.
Not even Novak Djokovic's near victory in the clay season. (yes, i'm guilty.)

Alas, I track back to my Hogwarts roots and to the magical world of Harry Potter. Behold, the greatest book of all time... the Half Blood Prince, where Harry first quests for the Horcruxes and the heart wrenching deaths start occurring. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'll slapp your face.

Doesn't the trailer look promising? Especially the part where Harry shouted at Snape "Fight back! You Coward!"... The preceding scene is immediately conjured up in my mind. *sobz... and I recalled by the time I was reading this part, I had to stuff my fist in my face to stop wailing and save my book from drowning in the tears and mucus. Such nostalgia. AHhhhh!!! I wanna reread the series, immerse myself in that magical world and bring it back all over again!

Please warner brothers, do not destroy my favorite book, I beg of you. Make a good adaptation. Pray pray. And I'm still so excited from watching the trailer, I can't sleep now. I think the sun is rising soon. lol

And I sign off with words from my all-time favorite professor as quoted from the trailer...
"It's over."

P/S: I shall have the motivation to blog again soon. but as the saying goes, don't bet on it.

P/P/S: Thrillogists, we have a date on the 17th July and I'm counting down already. If Zpig is scheduled to fly, you are obliged to take MC! muahahhaa. It's HARRIEH POURTER!

Earth Hour

2009-03-10T14:42:00.012+08:00

Right. I'm not exactly dead yet.. but I just can't get past my aching shoulders and deteriorating brain to type and blog.. what with the kind of weights and conditioning that wouldn't look out of place in a concentration camp that Opens have to go through. We train like cows on sleds ploughing the fields, literally. Trust me, I'm a changed person - in a permanent PMSing mood with menses that never comes.

So what triggers this post now? Even last Xmas, this New Year, a whole lot of holidays in between, Daisy Tan victory, TK's gatherings, Novak's shameless exit in the Aussie Open and BLOODY weights hasn't given me enough reason to holler in this space.

Alas, little-miss-environmentalist-wannabe (but not quite smart enough) is driven by a deadline and personal pledge to inform the world of Earth Hour...

As you'll know, my friend, I'm dead serious when it comes to environmental issues. I have considered turning vegan... and boy, that's a tough resolution that's still waiting to be realised. For now, abstaining from beef is the next best thing I'm doing (cows giving off tons of methane. ie - very very bad greenhouse gases tt's a few times worse than CO2). When I was relief teaching, it honestly annoys me to walk past the empty hall & classrooms and see the lights and fans still turned on. And so I'm very much the green ranger in the campus on the hunt to tell off students to switch off the lights or to recycle the papers strewn around that they scribbled on out of boredom.

So... I found this Earth Hour Campaign very apt for me to raise awareness and make a difference. It doesn't take any effort at all, just to turn off the lights for an hour and to do it together with the rest of the world is really quite a beautiful feat. For those skeptical pessimists, just make sure you keep your doors locked, keep your mobile in hand to dial 911 when the world plunges into darkness and you'll be safe from burglars. =)

Right. For more info, you can visit Earthhour.org/singapore. I saw a couple of educational institutions on the site that are participating in Earth Hour, kinda drives me to tell SJC to do the same thing - but I'm still in the midst of editing the email to make it formal and proper enough.. if not, I don't need to relief teach there ever again. HAHA

If you're a teacher, tell your students to switch off the lights for 60 minutes on the 28th March at 8.30pm. If you're a student, you know what to do. If you're somebody, pledge yourself here and help spread the word. Join the fight against climate change and save the world like Hiro Nakamura (from Heroes). Muahahahaha.. Switch off the lights and admire the brilliant stars that's been burning for gazillion years before you're born. Count them if you will.

Till I speak again another day...

P/S: If you are the spoiler whose unit amid the blacked-out building has its lights gleaming at me while I'm enjoying the serenity of the night... I will set your house on fire and make sure it's brightly lit.

I love... this video.

2008-11-04T15:33:00.008+08:00

I like the way the video featured all the presenters from the different documentaries on Discovery Channel. And of course, Mike Rowe (from my favorite DiscCh docu 'Dirty Jobs') singing "I love real dirty things". I could only make out what the other lot were singing thanks to the subtitles, without which, I wouldn't have known Stephen Hawking is guest-featured in the vid. Fantastic feel good reel. I might just tune in to Discovery Channel more than Nat Geog... provided if I can tear my eyes off HBO and StarWorld. heh heh heh.

On another quite unrelated topic, wouldn't it be nice if the whole world is subtitled so that deaf persons like me could understand what everyone else is saying?

Sure would be a lot easier to decipher and make sense out of phrases through all that accent during conversations and hook up with the cute angmohs, instead of nodding my head silly. Afterall, I'm suppose to be an aspiring SPG (according to many friends).

And would definitely - without having to rewind the video countless times - help me understand dialogues in pirated dvds, catch puns on 'Whose Line Is It Anyway'.

Of course, be spared of the frustration of having to pause an episode of 'Friends' then explain to my 'slightly-more-retarded-than-me' sister the joke that Chandler just made.

Just imagine. There'll be subtitles flashing at the bottom of your vision, suddenly your life seems like an MTV video running overtime (esp while you're lost in your own world listening to that music player). Right. Think that's too much KTV for me.

It's wishful thinking but... Oh, wouldn't it be nice?

I love... subtitles.
Boom De Yada,
Boom De Yada,
Boom De Yada,
Boom De Yada...

P/S: Thank fernie for the song which spurred this post, be it a dumb phantasm. - While I'm at it, throw in a Dictionary-cum-Translator application to that Robo Sutitled Vision in the astronaut's helmet.

I'm not dead...yet

2008-10-29T13:58:00.010+08:00

Well hallow... een. .. is coming!

This is an automated random message. Generated to inform you that Blog might be dead (as is Laptop that shall join the orbituaries very soon). But the owner is very much alive... as is Voldemort (in the movie version, the book series has ended long time back before Desktop died).

I suppose nobody waits for my posts with bated breath. I can't imagine the number of deaths I've caused from their hyperventilation/suffocation (*delete according to symptoms suffered). Right, I can't imagine. And if you're waiting for a sensible post, God bless you.

Blame my randomness on Chandler, one of the six Friends I've dated marathonically every given day. Oh, I love these Friends so much, I have abandoned my good old ones. Whoever that was quoted saying "TV is my new best friend", that's me spot on.

Damn, this is sad. Is this how B(e)ing Chandler feels?

Ay, I'm suppose to be posting about how 'very much alive' I am. Er... How about... I'm eating VERY well? So very well, I've put on kilos to the point of obesity... which drove me to pick up tennis, be it only once a week training, so as to minimize the damage done. Not that it helps much anyway cos I've been swatting more flies than hitting actual balls with those forehand/backhand practice.

I had the intention of aceing my tennis then go to Shanghai Masters Cup to watch Djokovic play and perhaps spar with him, that way I'd be inspired to slim down to a lithe athletic body, catch his eye, get that elusive autograph, maybe even score a date... Alas, like many of my other intentions, things came in between amid the tiny overlookable flaws and I had to abolish the diet plan. I only hope that watching him on Paris Masters on ch24 now will motivate me enough to get my ass off Couch, hit the pavement and r.. u ... n ? Gosh, that word seems so far away...

I had the intention of diving with my new gorgeous, fantastic, amazing partner, the CANON IXUS 85 complete with marine pack, and capture wonders of the underwater world. Alas (again), I am to take my Divemaster test before going on any of those trips before the end of this year. What with the diving season closing and my dive theory thrown out the window, diving this year is virtually impossible. Goodbye opportunities to meet cute angmohs.

I also had the intention of uploading many eventful pictures up here... Those overseas trips, my cousin's wedding, SJC school excursion trip, and of course tt fun-filled Wild Wild Wet outing with TK ppl =) (first time I put the Canon Marine Pack to the test) etc. etc.

Alas... alas... alas... As much as Laptop has taught me patience, uploading pictures here is more than a chore. Laptop's mouse cursor is hanging on me and I'm navigating my way through Windows with the shortcut keys now. The time spent in NYP doing that wretched Digital Media Design course wasn't wasted after all. That reminds me... I'm thinking of furthering my studies in Mass Comm.. and that thought is still work in progress with the researching done on this BLOODY Laptop. My putting up with this piece of junk is cause for admiration, as shuangru puts it. Truth is, miser me don't have enough money to get a decent laptop, what with recession and blah (not that it affects me anyway since i'm working parttime jobs) and it is my only link to the virtual world and yahoo mailbox. Despite my complaints, I could only make do with what I have. This, being 7 years old, is the mother lode of laptops of the world and it certainly deserves the respect for being alive after all this while (be it barely: Virtual Memory beeps low every time, 'S' key and optical disk drive are broken, etc.) And it perhaps is the oldest piece of electronic equipment I've ever owned. So hooray!

O O O O O, and I'm very happy now cause all my rooms are neat and tidy, -yes including the cupboard and cabinets, I didn't just stuff everything out of sight. So I get to choose to sleep in my cosy 'shark, planets, soft toys, figurines, harry potter'-infested teenager room or the brightly lit, book-filled, air-conditioned married sister's former room. Jealous or not? They don't get to be neat at the same time very often.. but thanks to my mum's surprise-very-advanced birthday celebration party at the hdb ktv rc, I spent a whole 9 hours packing up the rooms just in case any friends wanna stay over. Guitar, Mahjong, Movies, Books, Poker, Games, Food, Drinks, I love I love, as much as I love Djokovic, James Franco, Christian Bale and Friends. Stayovers anyone? You arrange. Muahahaha.

Yours maybe-Sincerely,
Chandler Bing's friend.

Note: If this post seem a little "out of the box", "toeing the line", "threading the needle" (as Monica advises Rachel as she ruins Ross's wedding to Emily), the author is overdosed with Friends where Chandler just bedded Monica in Season 5 so she's a little over the top. Take this entry semi-seriously.

This much is true... I'm going to be very very very happy coming 18th of November because You-Know-Who and You-Know-What is showing!!! Thrillogists are obliged to uphold the Potter tradition and watch it with me! My apologies to Shawn, Firstly and whoever I may be dating then. HAHAHA.. as if.

"Goodbye is not forever, but fats is." - Bapok A!Bang (Eh.. I still have your little gift.. and where/when the hell is our Singapore Grand Slam?)

one more for... The Dark Knight

2008-09-23T09:44:00.009+08:00

As promised (to myself), I watched The Dark Knight in the theatres again. And as predicted, I'm still not blogging about my overseas trips 'cos I'm lazy.. (in The Joker's tone) Ha. Ha. Ha...

Alas I'm still enthused enough by last night's date with The Dark Knight, I had myself make a commitment to blog about it. The movie gets even better the second time I watched it (which is really quite remarkable considering it's the same thing). This time, I really learnt to appreciate the subtleties of the film. I kept a closer look at certain seemingly minor characters that I've known to play a bigger part later in the film and many little details that were first overlooked, I realised now are actually pretty sleek.. It's really brilliant the way some acts are discreetly put in so you've seen it almost subconciously but never really saw it coming. Know wad I mean? Oh.. did I mention the smart dialogues and quotable 'punch' lines (some of them literal)?

The Dark Knight really is the ultimate movie experience of year 2008... it ties for the top spot in my list of movies you MUST watch in the cinema with Harry Potter & the Sorceror's Stone. Not a dull moment, every scene was so engaging that I left the theatre feeling surreal (talk about an out of this world experience), like I've actually time traveled to Gotham City (or Hogwarts). It's like waking from a lucid dream... Oh oh oh.. I was so lost in it, I'm no longer conscious of my own being.

Speaking of which, I really get quite annoyed by people who don't give such movies the respect they deserve. Here I am getting lost in my movie, drinking in every word, breathing every scene (and this is the compulsive obsessive that rewinds a video everytime she misses a single sigh and gets frustrated when she couldn't catch even the most irrelevant dialogue).. then some pretend smart alecs that couldn't save their smart-assed comments to themselves (yes, I know you knew that was going to happen whether you've watched it twice or once or none), fiddle with their handphones (like they will die if they don't touch it for two agonizingly long hours) and then ask me what they've missed... thereby destroying my 'moment' with whichever actor I was indulging with. I'll probably hate me if I went out watching such excellent movies with myself. I mean... I don't think I have the best movie etiquette nor dining etiquette nor shopping etiquette nor punctuality etiquette. I don't think I make a very good companion actually, I'm mostly too absorbed in my own world. I doubt very much that I will get a boyfriend in this lifetime. Damn. So excuse me while I retreat to my Gotham city and lose my senses in the masked crusader. (Oh, excuse me Novak. I'm sorry. You know how fickle-minded I am. But like you, I prefer to keep my options open. I still love you. *winks)

I know the previous entry had tons of quotes already.. but but.. I can't help it, can I?

________________________________________

Harvey Dent: You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Two-Face: You thought we could be decent men in an indecent time. But you were wrong. The world is cruel, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance.
[holds up his coin]
Two-Face: Unbiased. Unprejudiced. Fair.

Batman: Then why do you want to kill me?
The Joker: [laughs] I don't want to kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No, no, you... you complete me.

The Joker: You just couldn't let me go could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness, and I won't kill you, because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
Batman: You'll be in a padded cell forever.
The Joker: Maybe we can share one. They'll be doubling up, the rate this city's inhabitants are losing their minds.

The Joker: [to Det. Stephens] Do you wanna know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all the... little... emotions. In... you see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?

Batman: Sometimes, truth isn't good enough, sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.
__________________________________________________

And if you haven't watched The Dark Knight by now, you ought to shoot yourself.

By the way, if you're the kind, like many of my friends, that hates unrealistic superhero movies, be assured that this movie is unlike any of those. It's more of a crime/thriller with zero supernatural elements and that's what make the Dark Knight so believable. Enough said.

Why so serious?

2008-08-08T02:59:00.007+08:00

Hello stagnant blog and the readers I don't care about, I'm back. I have my reasons (be it excuses) for the less frequent posts so I'm not sorry. And if you still care to read on... let me attempt to explain myself. muahahahhaha..

Reason no. 1: Like the tennis players on tours, I've have been traveling too much. (I know the connection is just that tat bit forced. Humour me, would ya?) I haven't even unpacked my stuff from Bali and Perth and tomorrow I'm heading off to Bintan. Already I feel like an air stewardess, even though I'll never make the interview - not that I want to be one (don't wish to cause any air traffic incidents). Ok, so you have the right to complain... "What trip? Where are the pics?...." "Grathias, you don't love us anymore.." - as quoted from ah !bang and badot. Chill factor. We'll meet soon. And I'll put up a post about my vacations if you so desperately want to get jealous. muahhaahhaha...

Reason no. 2: My companion of 6 years have finally breathed it's last reboot on me... after years of whirring, bleeping and groaning (I should have read the warning signs), it would reboot no more. The motherboard died. Now it lies in it's dormant state with the years of downloaded music and videos and pictures I only hope to be still intact within the harddisk. And with this lousy 8year-old metal crap (I didn't mean to call you crap, don't hang on me now.. not till I save this draft) I'm still hammering on.. this laptop that weighs a ton, runs on pentium ancient, takes 10 over mins to startup, able to run maximum 3 programs at anyone time without hanging and just had the 'S' key chipped out of the keyboard which makes words that contain the letter 'S' such a bitch to type. Now you don't expect me to blog essays out of this junk, needless to say, upload pictures I painstakingly selected only to have this darn comp hang on me. See, this laptop is the reason I don't go on msn, for fear that it'll hang on me in the midst of a conversation, and my friends think I hate them by logging off abruptly. Plus, msn takes up too much virtual memory and slows up the already slow comp a whole lot. So here's my secret to training patience.

Reason no. 3: I have to catch up on SCV, my beloved especially. Novak hasn't been winning tournaments cos I haven't been supporting him. So forgive me for the times when I'd rather turn on the TV than this junk lappie.

Reason no. 4: Trainings, thereby, leaving me exhausted. Cos like harry potter, at home, I can only write in the night.

Reason no. 5: Coachings, leaving me in too foul a mood to blog with perspective.

Reason no. 6: This darn library book that I couldn't finish and have been on it for almost 2 months. Please don't read Nick Hornby's Fever Pitch if you're not a soccer fan. Even a fellow sports fanatic like me can't plough through the chapters. The only motivation for me to finish it is so that I can start on the Harlan Coben thriller soon.

Reason no. ?: Right. Now I'm just pushing it.

So what is my agenda for this surprise post? No, it's not to defend myself (yea, right). No, it's not Nadal's newly crowned world number 1 ranking (although I'd love to post on that, but I have too many fed loving friends so I shall not break their hearts in case they break mine by jesting about Novak's loss to that bloody Murray). No, it's not my fabulous trips and dives at Bali, Perth and Tioman. No, it's not even about me getting selected into the F&P Nations cup (yet conveniently I put this in).

It's about...

That one film to be ranked #1 on the IMDb within just two days of its theatrical release, currently ranked #1 for IMDb's Top 250 movies of all time.

That one film that has one actor in preparing for his role, lived alone in a hotel room for a month, formulating the character's psychology, posture and voice, - started a diary, in which he wrote the character's thoughts and feelings to guide himself during his performance.

That one film starring my favorite actor as my favorite comic-based hero.

There ain't many movie sequels that can succeed its predecessor this convincingly. The Dark Knight is not overly techie nor peppered with C/G (computer graphics), the film is very much character-driven (much like Batman Begins) and these characters have agendas we easily identify with, and o... I LOVE the witty dialogues, timely delivered (Joker says to Rachel, "A litte fight in you, I like that." Batman appears to say "Then you're going to love me." and kicked his ass.)

Even the villainous Joker has quote-worthy lines and makes sense in his psychopathic ways - a personal favourite "Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you... stranger". That commitment Heath Ledger subjected himself to play the Joker's character (confining himself, keeping a diary of Joker's thoughts) which contributed to his unfortunate death - Heath needed to take meds to help him sleep and the many prescriptions different doctors gave him combined to make the deadly cocktail. It's so sad... Even Michael Caine (plays character Alfred) thought he's better than Jack Nicholson's version of the Joker. In fact, Heath Ledger's Joker gave Caine such a fright, Caine forgot his lines during filming of the scene at Bruce Wayne's penthouse. Oh I will miss this Joker (not Novak in this case) and I really wonder how they are going to continue the next sequel 'cos the Joker (character) didn't die. (Hanna aka budget did bring up a good point that luckily, Joker wears thick makeup so it won't be too obvious if it's a different person. But i'm kinda sure the acting will be that much different... like how we all dislike the current dumbledore in the movie.)

The Dark Knight trivia on IMDb

This film is far more realistic and believable than any other superhero/comic-based movie ever made. Afterall, Batman doesn't have amazing superpowers, he just some wealthy, righteous and very smart zillionaire. And of course, it helps that my favorite actor, Christian Bale, is known for his dedication to the roles he plays and he usually chooses characters that are obsessive and troubled. (See.. I'm that sucker for the man who has a past... real life or not. muahahhaaha) And then with his acting skills aside, boy.. he looks damn good.

And of course, thanks to Christopher Nolan's great direction that sets the tone of this series apart from all the those other artsy, exaggerated and circus-like Batman films. After all, this is the man who directed a couple of my other favourite movies, Memento, The Prestige.

So dear friend, if you haven't watched The Dark Knight, I beg you to watch it. You are missing out the film of the year. The #1 ranked movie on IMDb. In fact, I'm quite darn keen to watch this movie again and relive that experience of being immersed in Gotham City for the whole 3hours.

I shall leave this post with a few of my favorite moments & quotes from the movie. Will be back to blog after Bintan. Don't bet on it though.
____________________________________

-The Insane-

The Joker: And I thought my jokes were bad...

Batman: What did you do?
The Joker: I took Gotham's white knight, and brought him down to our level. It wasn't hard. Y'see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little... push.

The Joker: It's simple, we, uh, kill the Batman.
[Mobsters laugh]
Salvatore Maroni: If you're so smart, why didn't you kill him already?
The Joker: If you're good at something, never do it for free.

Gambol: [to The Joker] Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here rip your head off.
The Joker: How about a magic trick?
[pulls out a pencil and sticks it upright into the table]
The Joker: I'm gonna make this pencil... disappear.
[Gambol's thug walks over to kill The Joker, who pushes his face into the pencil and kills him]
The Joker: Ta-daa! It's... gone!

________________________________________

- The Funny -

The Joker: It's a funny world we live in. Speaking of funny, do you know how I got these scars?
Batman: No. But I know how you got these.

[When Bruce crashed his Lambourgini to save Reese.]
Lt. James Gordon: That was a very brave thing you did, Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: What, trying to catch the light?
Lt. James Gordon: You mean you weren't protecting the van?
Bruce Wayne: [completely oblivious] Why? Who's in it?

Alfred Pennyworth: [looks at the large gash on Bruce's arm] Were you mauled by a tiger?
Bruce Wayne: It was a dog...
Alfred Pennyworth: Huh?
Bruce Wayne: It was a big dog!
[pause]
Bruce Wayne: More copycats today, Alfred, with guns.
Alfred Pennyworth: Why don't you hire them and take the weekend off?

Bruce Wayne: [after walking into his restaurant] Why don't we put some tables together?
Harvey Dent: I don't think they'll let us.
Bruce Wayne: They should…I own the place.

Lucius Fox: Let me get this straight: You think that your client, one of the wealthiest, most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante who beats criminals to a pulp with his bare hands. And your plan is to blackmail this person? Good luck.

Bruce Wayne: I need a new suit.
Lucius Fox: Yeah, three buttons is a little '90's, Mr. Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: I'm not talking fashion, Mr. Fox, so much as function.
[hands him a diagram]
Lucius Fox: You want to be able to turn your head.
Bruce Wayne: Sure would make backing out of the driveway easier.

Lucius Fox: Spying on 30 million people is not part of my job description.
_____________________________________

-The Heroic-

Alfred Pennyworth: Know your limits, Master Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: Batman has no limits.
Alfred Pennyworth: But you do, sir.
Bruce Wayne: Well, can't afford to know them.

Harvey Dent: The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming.

Bruce Wayne: People are dying, Alfred. What would you have me do?
Alfred Pennyworth: Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it. But that's the point of Batman, he can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice.
Bruce Wayne: Well today I found out what Batman can't do. He can't endure this. Today you finally get to say "I told you so."
Alfred Pennyworth: Today, sir, I don't want to.
[pauses for several moments]
Alfred Pennyworth: But I did bloody tell you.

Batman: I'm whatever Gotham needs me to be.

[last lines]
Lt. James Gordon: Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now...and so we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector...a dark knight.
_____________________________________________

Oh my gosh, I can go on forever. For more memorable quotes from The Dark Knight, go here. Right now, I must sleep, it's almost morning. Like the bat, I sleep in the day. And I've got to get to Bintan tomorrow. Drats.

CiaoZ,
The Fanatic of Batman, Christian Bale, Novak Djokovic, James Franco, Harry Potter. (and whatever else I can think of another time.)

Dream boy..

2008-06-14T01:10:00.005+08:00

I meant to blog about the wonderful trips my family and I went together on to Bangkok, Genting, & Kota Tinggi... wanted to put up some pics as well...

Alas, tennis, Roland Garros and Djokovic came in between those intentions. Thus, this very post is spurred not by reality, but by a dream I had this morning and every second since I woke from it, the details slipped faster the more I attempt to grasp at it... Oh, the agony of having woken up from a beautiful dream... (no, it's not a wet dream)

starring my boy..
so cute for what?

Call me obsessed, but I love a man with a past who has been through the harsher times. Perhaps that's what made Nole so driven yet wise at the same time. =)
Novak's article from Telegraph

Since you're still here with me at this post, I suppose you are curious about my dream: Shanghai Masters Cup - I wore my Novak adidas jersey to watch Djokovic play live in China Shanghai. At the end of the match, in a chinese speaking country, I was the only person asking for Novak's autograph in English. I was trying to impress him so I attempted to strike up a conversation and asked him about his tennis career etc. Novak was intrigued by my insightful questions, and he invited me to dinner with his family after the event.. There I met his family and I was speaking to his mum before Vertical Horizon started singing away...(I vaguely recall that anxiety to impress my potential 'in laws', can't remember if his cute brother was there. awwwww..)
Brother Love

wahhahhaahah... ok.. before you shout 'dream on'.. it IS a dream ok?

DAMN that alarm clock for waking me up! (fyi, Vertical Horizon - You're A God was my alarm ringtone)
Novak, in dreams we meet again..

Till wimbledon then. (or till anytime I feel like dragging my lazy ass to upload my family photos and narrate real-life expeditions.)

Djokovic's faster than a speeding bullet!

2008-05-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

To celebrate Novak's birthday, this post is a tribute to his success. Yes, djokovic is rising faster than a speeding bullet in the rankings! WATCH OUT ROGER!

(ok la.. and this is for you shuang, i hope u recover from ur dengue soon. be glad. you're loved. by mosquitoes at least.)

Are you feeling it?

P/S: psst... ROLAND GARROS IS STARTING ON THIS SUNDAY! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I CAN'T WAIT!

P/P/S: I hope Novak reaches the final and plays Nadal in this French Open!

Tennis lookalikes

2008-05-14T05:27:00.006+08:00

Jan. This is for you, again. The 2nd vid got me laughing so hard, I couldn't sleep. (It's 5plus am already.)

HAHA. Which is your fav 'face-off'? I thought the kim clijsters vs princess fiona, mauresmo vs tommy haas, mario ancic vs karate kid, davenport vs the goonies' woman, ferrer vs lord farquuard, chela vs fido dido, stepanek vs gollum and the street fighter character vs taylor dent... those are real classics. I thought the person who made the vid could have done novak some justice. The person that he was being compared to is quite ugly. At least Christian Bale is better looking...
Maybe not quite on this one.. but it's the scrawniest Bale I could find.
See.. the guys I like have that certain look, you know. (*winks at shuang)

Anyways, Nole just won his 10th career title in the Rome masters, and he's just 310 points behind Nadal now... If Nadal fails to defend his points in Hamburg, and Djokovic goes beyond the quarterfinals, we may be looking at a new world no. 2! =)

French Open is coming soon! YEA YEA YEA!! It's all happening so fast, I'm very excited now! It's time for me to catch up on the WTA action. I hope Justine is doing fine, she has a French Open title to defend. Stayovers to watch late night live matches, yes? =)

I hope lao die aka Baghdatis is back by then. Shuang and I miss him a lot since that defeat to pompous ass-faced Hewitt during aussie open. =(

Till then. Hamburg tonight... my boy is playing. Muahahahahha...

All the Cat Fights and Bitch Slapping...

2008-05-05T01:44:00.011+08:00

NSL makes me blog a lot. (ok. 1 post a week is not a lot. but at least it's better than once in 2 months, so that's an improvement.)

I must say. This NSL season is very entertaining. Everybody is going mad. Or is it that last year my team was too 'uninvolved' for me to be bothered? hmmmm... Even though the scorelines are rarely close (with the exception of Marlins vs Stingrays game), I believe many spectators are watching it for the violence. I admit I get excited when I see people whacking each other on court (The bruised tatoos are the new work of body art.). It's the entertainment-and-cause-for-bitching factor. Of course, that is only when I'm a spectator. It's tough being a clean player on court nowadays. I have progressed from Miss Fifa Fairplayer to Miss Out of Body Control. Of course, with that extra weight to blame. DAMN IT! Plus I only sight the ball and absolutely nothing else (which is how I used to kiss the post not once but twice - catching the same type of lob, bounced off the netball post and badly sprained my ankle). With that much desire to win the game, that little discipline to clear the bodies, it's no surprise people are throwing their bodies on court (to the point where some are body slams!) Though I must admit, that deliberate foot-tripping, knee-kneeling and skirt-grabbing has got to be the dirtiest tricks of all, very discreet, very clever. Somebody shout 'MURDER'! We are progressing from the 'A', 'B', 'C's now. Courtesy of Prem, "A she me A, B la!" ('A' what 'A', 'B' lah!) Very nice, it has got to be one of my favorite quotes. =)

And there you have it, in a scene filled with countless adrenaline-pumped, angst-filled, chatty-mouthed females.., many of us are guilty of speaking ill of another. The Compliment percentage is definitely lower than the Critics %. Especially we like to harp on the latter and bitch about the world. Let's just say it out loud in NSL terms, vipers got the brunt of it. I dunno whether to pity them or not - (or rather, some of them). I do, however, indulge in a little delightful bitching about hairy A**P*t M** aka 'B'ad (that is, i don't feel the least guilty speaking ill of that person). And since this is a public blog, I am obliged to speak in codes (that's the trend) and hopefully the accused will be blind enough to not read between the lines. That shouldn't be too difficult. Pardon the pun.

Right. Having said about Vipers, if one were to try and put herself in their shoes, it is really tough trying to keep the morale up in a most-hated team which resulted from a series of unfortunate events (with no Lemony Snickets) especially when one didn't choose to be in that spot. I'm not trying to say feng1 liang2 hua4 (wind cold talk - loosely translates into 'fake sympathy') just 'cos Mannas squeezed into the top 4. I'm thinking of my few friends in Viperians. Perhaps some has already adopted the 'play-then-play-lor' mindset and set into the 'go-through-the-motion' gear, much like many of the our games. But for a team that's loosely divided (few trainings and what not), vipers has had commendable games. Ok lor, call me a hypocrite lor - Even the deaf knew I was cheering Marlins in today's match. But I supported a few friends in Vipers ar. I refuse to further comment on my 'tattoo' on the arm when ppl pointed it out, because apparently, I gave bestfren 4 of them. HAHAHA. There is no political correct answer in tacky situations so I shall not attempt to say anything else. I love Sharks!Aren't they beautiful creatures? Please don't eat sharks' fins.
Peiqin aka the hardworking, you're the pillar of strength in the Sharks team. Well done ar! I hope you get more than $80. (Win the MVP lor!)

On the other hand, (I'll try not to gloat, but this is MY blog you know) for a team that started off with almost nothing and a couple of anon players. All I can say is, Mannas are really true underdogs. We don't have flair flair shooters, don't have fit enough midfielders, don't have ultra experienced national players and we don't have behind-the-scenes collaborators... so we definitely deserve a pat in the back coming thus far. Granted, the games that we won may not be when opponents are at the best of forms, but we capitalised on the mistakes and took them in our stride. Despite what others may say, I'd say we sprung surprises. See, there's this saying that goes, "I'd rather be lucky than good". So whatever it takes to get as far as we can - be it bai dua pek gong, circumcise ourselves, fast, pray in confinement-, as long as we get to our goal in a NICE and CLEAN way. Don't need to commit murder just to win, I'd rather have some luck. =) So we may suffer the uglier defeats, but our mood never dampened for long and most importantly, we don't do the blame game, so for that, I'm proud and happy to be in Mannas. Oh of course, there's the incentive for earning more money this year than last year's measly $80 in Mannas. Wahahahaa..

Ok, so I'm going to aim for the sky.
-Recover in time to play vs Arowanas at 101%.
-Play a nice game (show others we're not where we are out of sheer luck even though it can be a contributing factor). Let's win deservingly or lose gloriously.
-Trackback to the fairplay days, be disciplined and have better body control.
-Play as a team and work for each other.
-Enjoy the game. Stay positive.
-Use your brain. Use your brain.
-Lastly, don't get tired. muahahhahaah...

GO UNDERDOGS!!

My butt is hurting and getting on my nerves from sitting. No joke. Hopefully I'll be back soon with more stories and less injuries.

P/S: I still hate hairy APM.

*last edit. *edited again.

P/P/S: I love bitching, still. But alas, I do not bear grudges because I have a very bad memory. And I have a certain respect for fellow human kind. (When things are taken out of context, ________.. blah blah blah. what was it again?)

*MeeOOoooWwww...* 0#%^xx#78xyz**x!!~*xx......
........ *RrrOooARrr!~~**
psst.. doesn't Yingqi look like she got blown away by my thunderous roar? HAHAHAH..

worldly affairs

2008-04-30T02:44:00.003+08:00

Ok. So it's been a bad weekend. I'm pmsing and moody cos Novak lost to Federer. No. Not lost. He retired from the match with a sore throat apparently. Imagine my disappointment. What a way to go. No wonder I feel less than inspired over the weekend. (yea right. i'm sorry nole.) You know I bloody hate that A**P*t M**. So I've decided to make myself feel better by looking at how much worse off some other parts of the world is.

Since my previous post was about saving the world.. I shall continue with that campaign cos' the following video has been rotting in the drafts since global warming. Right. It's a video against animal testing. Though that doesn't stop me from eating meat. I like to believe that they are ethically slaughtered. I'll perhaps only turn vegetarian if that's a job prerequisite to be a zoo keeper. (I tried applying for it to join my animal friends) Oh yea, in effort to channel out the rage in me, I've decided I'd rather face animals than people. HAHAHA.. But I still refuse to eat sharks' fins. Check back 2 weeks later for an updated resolution.

Here goes:

Yep. So Mars and Sneakers are bad, apparently so. Boycott them. Eat Cadbury. Wouldn't it be nice?

Ooooh.. And if you're as angry as me, or troubled or stressed or feel suicidal, I find it therapeutic to read some sadistic news. Not that I'm a sadist... It's more like "Hello... there are ppl out there in a crazier world, so get a grip already" See, all of us need a reminder every now and then.

Not sure if you've read about the news about this Austrian who held his daughter captive for 24 years (hell, before I was even born) in a cellar beneath the house and his wife didn't even notice. The worse part of this drama is she bore him 7 kids after he raped her on many occasions. Imagine how weird and twisted it must be to have the father and grandfather to be the same man... It's "Flowers in the Attic" in real life. Incest in the sickest way possible. See how twisted parts of the world has become. What other controversial news can attract the media like honey to the bees? We all delight in some of the strange, perverse and gossip ourselves. Perhaps I'm not as insane as I imagined myself to be (with my likes for thrillers and gory movies).

Read the news report here.

Well, that's the latest news that has caught my eye... aside from the PIE 6-lane traffic jam, that poor 60-something cancer surviving auntie that got ran over by a taxi... etc, etc. No wonder some people don't read newspapers (other than the fact that they are lazy, like me). It can get downright depressing sometimes. To quote Edward Norton in Death to Smoochy 'You can't change the world but you can make a dent.'

What that means I don't quite know. so... save the trees.

P/S: Find Robert Langdon (he may be able to help decode dissociative writing).

P/P/S: Velcome Badot back to the world where babis dwell. Vajivavudh, ve shall anticipate Baapok's bbq and eat like dogs. And Happy 'one-day-in-advance' Birthday, Ah Bang!

P/P/P/S: New song for new hope. If you find the song familiar, you've heard it from 'Extraordinary People', the documentary about Singaporeans you've watched the last decade. And boy aren't you old. HAHA.

for the world's sake... and for crying out loud...

2008-04-15T03:45:00.008+08:00

I'm not a scientist.
I'm not a marine biologist.
I'm not a veterinarian.
I'm not a politician.
I'm not an activist.
I'm not an environmentalist.
I'm not an ecologist.
Hell, I don't even hold a proper job, so what the **** am I trying to complain about this time?

But really... of recent, I've been watching some very powerful films that I feel a strong surge of emotions about. Never would I have expected that the facts, figures, politics and controversies amounted will give rise to such disgust I feel about ourselves, the human race. The world is coming to an end, so God help us. (If you believe in him, that is.) Before you think that I'm mad, consider this.. two out of the four films I've watched are movie documentaries [An Inconvenient Truth, Sharkwater], the other based on true events [Rendition], and the last about living the last days of life which puts much in perspective [The Bucket List]. If you're still this '-' close to sending me to the asylum, why not try watching the films I just mentioned and see how you feel about it, see if you feel motivation to do something. For me, blogging this post is a start... even though I may not be overwhelmed enough to join wildaid or politics to do something. I rather enjoy sitting my lazy ass at home typing away. E-F-F-O-R-T-L-E-S-S. If I can't change the world, the least I could do is raise some sort of awareness.

Sure, after billions of years of evolution and such, here we are with our superior selves. We are the most intelligent creatures that ever walked earth, so proud of ourselves, sometimes we think we rule the Earth and its natural resources, that they are plentiful and always available to our every demand. But the fact is, these resources are rapidly depleting. We are upsetting ecosystems, killing animals that control the food chain (sharks play a large part of maintaining the ocean's health by preying on plankton-eating fishes - planktons that absorbs carbon dioxide and produces oxygen in the water, water which covers 70% of Earth, which in turn means the ocean's health affects a major percentage of air [and food] that we live on), burning cheap fuels for better bargains, building state-of-art weapon technology in a mindless arms' race, etc...

I'm no preacher, and neither am I a vegan, but I do admit to be unusually compassionate (not that I'm praising myself.. so don't roll your eyes) and I really feel a lot for our environment. This is the first time I've ever teared while watching a documentary.. Sharkwater director and biologist, Rob Steward, is the most inspiring man I've ever seen.. even more so than Novak. He's to sharks like Jane Goodall is to Chimpanzees, even greater (plus he's kinda cute too. HAHA). He put so much at risk including his own life, from battling life-threatening diseases to being on the run from the shark finning mafia, but he never stopped at his campaign to save the sharks. There's so much drama in his mission, it's hard to believe that it is a true story. You really should read up on how much he went through.. to quote from his blog:

"The creation of Sharkwater was a series of worst case scenarios. The lowest low was when I was hospitalized for flesh eating disease. The doctors were talking about removing my leg, and we were 3 weeks into shooting a shark film and had no shark footage. Everyone told me I should return home for proper medical care. My girlfriend and parents were upset, my crew was freaking… I had to turn into captain positive to keep people from flying me home… If I went home, the film would have never been finished because it was such a colossal failure that it would have been shelved. The expensive cameras would have been returned to the rental houses, and once freed from the hospital, I wouldn’t have been able to return to South America to film because of the huge financial hole that I was in. This was my one shot at making a difference and my first foray into filmmaking. I couldn’t accept that my effort to make a difference and to get into filmmaking was a failure.
The film also had a huge potential to do good…. To change the way people view sharks so they would fight for their protection, ultimately saving the oceans and humanity from destroying the ecosystems upon which they depend. Knowing this, there was no way I could give up."

And it is a amazing film indeed. Other than the fact that it really makes me wanna go diving, it made me sit up and think about doing something.
Enough said. Check this trailer out.

I've never seen any underwater footage like it. It fills me first with awe with the ocean's beauty.. then shocks me with the revolting activities some fishermen were filmed doing and that they are destroying something that is so beautiful - not just sharks, but they were killing so many other marine life with the incredulous long line fishing-, it's just so sad to watch... Everything is in relation to the other.. (Here's where 'An Inconvenient Truth' comes in) Global warming is causing the coral reefs in our oceans to die.. With our complancency, we are putting not just ourselves, but our future generations at risk. We're polluting our air, land and sea, giving rise to the global temperatures - and more violent weather phenomenal -.. If you think that I'm insane to get so worked up, it's like thinking it is impossible to rain hail in Singapore... and that my friend, has already happened... in case you haven't noticed. So what the hell are the politicians, activists, terrorists in the world are thinking.. what with the war when we are already in one with mother nature? Why are we not doing something more for our environment than building nuclear arms and changing social laws? Sure, it's not like the world is coming to an end tomorrow.. not as if we are going to run out of air in the next few days.. but if we truly deserve to be the next species to survive the next ecology evolution, we better start thinking about living in harmony with nature instead of using it for selfish gains and cheap trades.

To quote Al Gore in 'An Inconvenient Truth': "What we take for granted might not be here for our children."

This is such a great issue, some may think it far-fetched, not close enough to home and truth be told, I thought, hell, I'd be dead by then.. it's none of my business. And true.. there're controversies about Al Gore using scare tactics in the documentary film.. But you can't deny the facts and figures based on scientific research. And then, I thought, if I could make a difference now in my very short lifetime, would I? Before our future generations think of us as stupid, selfish and barbaric.. I'd better start doing something.

So if you and I only make up for two in billions and billions of us, what change can I make?
Remember that Secondary school Geography textbook we had? The chapter teaching us about conservation and what not? i think it's really kinda useful. Don't have to take it out to refer lah.. it's common sense like save electricity, sleep less air-con, don't leave your computer on overnight for no reason -unless if you're downloading something important- wahahaha, recycle plastic bags, take more public transport (not taxi), DON'T EAT SHARKS' FINS AND THOSE SO-CALLED DELICACIES unless they are farm-reared, don't buy fur and products that causes the inethical treatment of animals...etc, etc.. Madam Seah, my tk 'geofy' teacher, will be so proud of me now.

Honestly, I don't mean to preach but if we could just change a little bit of our exuberant lifestyle and contribute to the greater good, why not? Really lar, if I ever get famous playing sports (like Novak), I will start some campaign about helping wildaid and the environment if I know how to get to it... =) =) =) I can be the next Rob Stewart or Jane Goodall!! but first... I'll need to further my studies. hmmmmm...... darn. I do pledge not to drink or eat any shark's fin soup from now on and I urge you to do the same. If you have friends holding wedding banquets, tell them not to serve sharks' fin soup. If you're my friend holding a wedding banquet that serve sharks' fin soup, I'll boycott your wedding. HAHAHAA... And don't ever expect to eat shark's fin soup at my wedding banquet.. (if I ever have one...muahahha). No offense lar.. but the poor sharks (watch the documentary, really can cry for them). =S

I might be a little brainwashed right now from watching all those documentary films but it's not like I'm an activist.. so raising some awareness is not exactly a crime. You're free to take my advice or not. I still don't like George Bush, but that doesn't mean you have to hate him as well. Though having said that, America is never short of controversial political issues... (It's where the movie 'Rendition' comes into place but this post is so long already I shall not babble more), and I believe whoever the president is, it will never make EVERYBODY happy.

Ok lah. The heavy talk and films aside. I watched 'The Bucket List' with Shuangru today. It's really good.. and as I said, it brings our short lives into perspective even though it's a comedy... I never really thought of death as all that scary. Die then die lor. You know I like to live my life dangerously. Whahahahaha... Thought it'd be fun to make my little bucket list, a few 'must-do's before I kick the bucket.

1: Have sex - or rather.. to put it in a nicer way.. make love to the man I love (not a social escort ar..)
2: Dive with sharks, dolphins and whales
3: Chase tornadoes
4: Meet Novak Djokovic
5: Skydive, Bungee jump
6: Write a book that can still inspire people even after I'm gone

That's all that I can think of for now.. And also, it's late and I have to switch off the computer to save electricity and save the earth. heh heh... Good night!

P/S: If you have the time, watch the two documentary films I've mentioned... 'An Inconvenient Truth' & 'Sharkwater'. The latter especially if you're a scuba diver.

dedication..

2008-04-09T14:19:00.005+08:00

for you jan, (because it's a few weeks late and i promised so)...

I present to you the hottest man in the face of earth. It's drool time!

No, it's not Novak Djokovic.. this guy is THE PERFECT 10! on my scale at least. But only in terms of looks on the superficial level. I don't really know his character. Christian Bale is still the man with the most complete overall package I've ever known. (Bale is intensely dedicated to his acting as my Nole is to his tennis, and he scores better than Nole on looks and maturity wise.)

Ok. Enough talk. Here are the to-drool-for pictures...

James Franco (You will recognise him as the Green Goblin's son from 'Spiderman', or mr-very-hot pilot from 'Flyboys'.)

Annapolis
Annapolis
Annapolis
Flyboys
Flyboys
shuai4 or not?
so cute for wad la?

haha. ok la. maybe he's not that photogenic if you're still not won over.. But you should see him in Annapolis or Flyboys man... If I dream of him when I sleep, I will slip into coma and never ever wake up. HAHAHA. Even Djokovic hasn't reached that standard yet, cos I still woke up after dreaming of him, twice. Amazingly, I've never dreamt of Franco yet. YET.

Anyway, speaking of Djokovic, he lousy pok la.. after winning Indian Wells, he went on to lose out in the opening match of Miami a few days later. I almost died of disappointment and shock. But lebermind cos in the end nobody expected Davydenko to win either, so Djokovic is still not so far behind Nadal in terms of points. And... clay court season is coming, so it's a different surface altogether, a different start - Even for your Federer. but but, nole is very comfortable on clay ar... so we'll see..

Here's an article from Men's Vogue that provides more insight to the relationship between him and his country, how his tennis has brought Serbia to be known to the world in an otherwise forgotten place. Men's Vogue article

After reading the article, I can only imagine how tough it must hav been for him back then in Serbia. He is someone who has been through a lot (who clearly has a past) and it's heartening to see how far he've come and how much he does for his country.. though it's really amusing to hear tt he's bigger than a politician over there - given his demeanor (djoker and wad not).

And here in this article - after winning Australian Open -,Nole's words of wisdom, you can see how proud he is to be a Serbian.. and it gives an idea of the kind of person he really is.. (he doesn't go over the top even when he's the first Serbian to ever win a Grand Slam title - at such a young age. What did I ever achieved when I reached 20?) Certainly gotta give him credit for that, even though people may think him cocky, I call that confidence. After all, it's that belief since he was a boy that brought him to where he is now.

Just so you know that - with Djokovic, it's not a mindless obsession. heh.. (even though I may have many obsessions with other people & things) =P

back from Batam

2008-02-18T22:57:00.009+08:00

Right right. This following post is dated at least some 2 months back. It's been rotting as a draft for so long, I was one click away from choosing between the 'delete' and 'post' button. I chose the latter. After all, I did spend some effort typing this entry some time ago, be it outdated. Anyway, none of the posts in this blog seem to be up to date anymore. So anyhow la..

___________________________________________________

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy..."

'Enough sleep and tv makes Grace a happy girl!'

Hello Hello! The bummer is back! Back to lazy days, back to holidaying mode, and back from Batam! heh. Truth is, for the past past weeks or so, until recently, lack of snooze time have turned me into a grouch (probably coupled with pms). What to do... I'm not a morning person. To wake up and start coaching at 8am every morning needed some getting used to, and I love the night too much to turn in early. Plus those kids used to really drive me up the wall. Now that I'm better adjusted, it's also great that I'm not working as often in the cathay, honestly. I stone less, and there's more brain activity. More time spent with the tv watching christmas-themed movies to soak up the holiday mood. Not too long ago, the 'sleep-deprived' me ran dry of humor and quirk to blog, so naturally, I'm back with a vengeance~

I saw two posters that I deem very appropriate for sleep-deprived people, especially when one has to battle sleep demons in a non-existent shop, stone for 9 1/2hrs straight after a morning session of coaching. I constantly had this vision of using toothpicks to keep my eyelids from drooping, or perhaps drawing 'fake eyes' on my eyelids may work just as well.

This sign was put up at Changi Airport's foodcourt and I think it's really wacky... it spent a couple of days on my hp's 'wallpaper-of-fame' to serve as a reminder of not falling asleep on the job. I'm meant to be a guard dog on duty to take charge of this pathetic shop.

Warning: The next picture might look pretty scary and it's not for the fainted-hearted.

Oh what the hell, if they can put it up on the bus stop as advertisement, it must be rated 'PG' at least. BE AFRAID, BE VUHRY AFRAID!

Haha. Isn't it wacky in a scary way? This depicts the toothpick technique to hold up one's eyes pretty well. Fyi, it's an advertisment for wasabi-flavored potato chips - meant to keep one awake. heh heh heh. Just what I needed.

Right. So I just got back from Batam. Usually, any holiday trip drains all energy out of me. But not this one. This is one of the most leisure trip I've ever been on. Bummer loves. There is definitely ample rest. In fact, it's like the battle of the snoozes with my fellow roommates. For once, I'm not the last to wake up. muahahahaha...

On the first day we arrived, we had our hand on various sports:
Table Tennis - alas, I've failed my dad. He was such a good tabletennis player, he won my mother's heart. I couldn't even bat the ball to save my life - How can I measure up to our olympic champ, limin, and interclass champion, jan? Jolene does make a good table tennis partner and mentor despite my ineptness.
Snooker - which I nearly lost to first-timer PQ. That girl has beginner's luck, I tell you. hahaha..

After shopping for some dirt cheap groceries, we had dinner at the dearly missed authentic A&W (with root beer float, of course, and other diner's curly fries) and then... ..

It's been a long time, Mr. A&W.

ROOOoooooooT Beeeeeeeer~~

(and then....I can't remember what cos blogger deleted the next part of my post. But this I remember....)

On the 2nd day on Batam island, there was the closest shave I've ever encountered with a serious accident (i think.. for now). Jan was sitting behind me in a twin jetski and let's just say the speed was too fast for either me or pq (aka the driver of the other jetski) to handle. Our paths converged before either of us had time to react. I just remembered over the course of the next few millisecs after we greeted each other, my initial smile turned into utter dread when I see the jetski heading in our direction and I only had enough time to widen my eyes... Next moment both jan and I were thrown into the water. I remembered my mind was a complete blank when I was underwater. Then I surfaced... Utter relief. I looked up at our jetski, spotted jan missing.. My heart dropped literally. Then I turned and saw jan surfaced... - I was so so so so absolutely relieved, I started laughing at our 'luck'. If you call it luck that is. I think we are both saved by grace. Fortunately, jan prays frequent enough. Thanks. (after that was the same old same old.. bridge, mahjong, drink, relax and sleep.. the usual holiday stuff.. nothing too exciting nor life-changing)

And this is why nobody will ever trust me the wheel if I pass my driving test next fri. Will Shuangru, 'my-amazing-race-asia-season-3-partner-to-be', have faith in me? Most importantly, will I have faith in her and fall asleep while she drives? Even lagi importantest, will we get selected? muahahhaha. Satay tuna. Stay tuned, that is. Remember to clear whichever roads I'm driving along. If you want to be included in the sms list of my traveling path details, leave me a message.

the way it is.

2008-01-31T03:47:00.000+08:00

Found the time to browse a few blogs. Wondering if I'm too caught up in my own bubble. Not having an 'emo' moment here. But just wondering... wondering how the others are doing. Wondering if they do ever think of me. Wondering if it's my fault for losing the touch on my part. Or is everyone else caught up in their bubble too? Guess we've simply grown into our different paths, and that's gotta be the way it is. Nobody holds on to the past. Memories are nothing more.

Just wanna tell all my close friends, those that used to be.. still are. In my heart. Maybe I've changed, but I just didn't like to think so. I hope you are well out there, handling the darker aspects of life just fine... I may not seem to care. But I do. I simply don't know how to express it. Lack of time is just my excuse. Too much 'me' moments already... I should get out there indeed.

NoleDjoke

2008-01-16T02:38:00.000+08:00

I'm a full fledged tennis fanatic for the Year 2008! And Djokovic will be my inspiration to work hard physically and mentally. (Goodbye to junk food...) if only.. HAHA.

Joined a cool forum to babble about my enthusiasm with Djokovic's game. And that's why I have that avatar on top there.

For those interested: http://www.tennis4you.com/forum/index.php I'm 'NoleDjoke' in there. It's meant to be a pun on Djokovic's name ('Nole' is his nickname) and that's 'no joke' or so to speak...

It's late and it will do no justice for me to attempt a proper post at this ungodly hour. I suppose '07 deserves a decent round up at least. What of the adventures of my Batam trip have you not heard about? (o jan, don't kill me.)

And '08 proved to be an amazing year thus far.. but let that be another time.. Right now, I need to steal some sleep before the Australia Open starts. =P

P/S: A new year, a new song. Perhaps a new skin to the blog when I get down to it.
________________________________________________________

(i painstakingly typed this out word by word cos the lyrics are too darn beautiful. =) )

Where We Belong

Summer has passed
And winter's gone too
The good times and bad
We made it through
Alone without hope
We carried on
With love taking us
Where we belong

There were times
I didn't think we'll last
But in my mind
To live was all I ask

Summer has passed
And winter's gone too
The good times and bad
We made it through
Alone without hope
We carried on
And love took us up
Where we belong

I could not imagine
Living without the pain
But like the changing seasons
It had to go away
And now we shine as the sun

Summer has passed
And winter's gone too
The good times and bad
We made it through
Alone without hope
We carried on
With love taking us
Where we belong

When the day's cold and lonely
And nights are so long
We'll be where we belong
______________________________________

(In case you're wondering and find this song vaguely familiar, it's from that touching '90s Jap drama, Under the same roof 2. I do hope it evokes some nice memories back during those times.)

My 6 highs in Vietnam

2007-12-07T18:34:00.000+08:00

And finally, here it is... (very many days late)

With 3 other travel companions - armed with our maps and U.S dollars and confusing 'Dong's (Viet currency) -, we braved the 'motorbike-infested' streets of Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, walked till our legs ache, shop till our hands are full, visit so many museums till we slept in the show reel theatre, eat till our stomachs are bloated, play bridge and laugh till the next door hotel mate complained. Here are my 6 top listed 'High'lights from the trip.

High no. 1: Sky High (not the superhero movie we caught on the cable tv at the hotel room)

The literal high.. heh heh heh.. There's just this thing about flying I love. When the plane takes off, it feels as if you're leaving all your woes behind.
I get closer to the infinite sky and everything looks so tiny below. Then when I rose above the wispy low-lying clouds, beneath them I could see the never-ending seas with the rising sun's golden rays reflected beyond the horizon. And just above me, yet another blanket of denser clouds form an illusioned ceiling. For a moment, I fantasized that I'm 孫悟空 (monkey god) and I could ride on the 抖筋雲 (magic cloud), walk on the clouds and sail the skies. 天塌下來當被蓋. (should the sky fall, it will be my blanket.) heh heh.

Apart from my wild imagination, seeing pretty wonders like that assure me that heaven must be a beautiful place. =)

High no. 2: The Adrenaline High (from crossing the roads)

If you can cross the road in Ho Chi Minh, you can cross any roads in the world.

The motorcycles in Vietnam are merciless, they appear everywhere. Narrow streets, sidewalks, even against traffic(flow, lights, etc).. Forget road courtesy. When crossing roads, the more you give way, the higher chance of an accident you'll create.

Rule of thumb when crossing the roads in HCM: CHEONG ar...!
Adrenaline rush I tell you..

High no. 3: FOOD (what else?)

Ooh la la.. Alcoholic ice cream cake with mint centre topped with chocolate syrup. I've long forgotten about my two best friends (Ben & Jerry) back at home or anywhere else out of Vietnam.

Dessert aside, their coffee is... mmmmmmm... 'pang' and 'gao gao' (fragrant and rich), absolutely aphrodisiacal (by the way, that's another of the properties of coffee beside being just a 'perk-me-up'). Other than that, most Vietnamese dishes are pretty exotic (note: I say 'exotic') with lots of greens and some guts to try whatever that may not look as appetizing. I decided to try a 'carrot-beetroot-celery-plus-dunno-what-not' juice on our dinner the 1st night out in hopes that it'll help my digestion. It worked. More or less, 2 days later... hahaha.. Oh, or maybe that was from the accumulated weird veggies we ate at the 'popiah' stall and all the other places. Always remember to arm yourself with hand sanitizer whenever you drop by any food stall, you never know when you'll have to use your hands. Honestly, screw food hygiene. Try the food au naturale. Do you honestly wanna know what goes on in the kitchen? Heh heh heh. And of course I shan't forget the Vietnamese pho noodles. It's like kuey teow noodles but softer, finer and smoother. The meat may be tough but the soup more than made up for it. Spice things up with the 'deceivingly-harmless-looking-big-cut-chilli' which tastes hotter than the chilli padis, I never fail to empty the last drop of soup in my bowl. *Slurrrp...

Oh well, nothing goes wrong with chilli. It induces endorphins leading to a sense of happiness and well being. The 'high' one gets from chilli makes it addictive which explains why I can't get enough of it. There, you have my secret to happiness and 'high'.

High no. 4: Foot Reflexology

I'm never much of a spa or massage person... but this is really the 'tai-tai' way of enjoying life. Especially after all the days of shopping and walking and shopping and walking and scaling the 4 stories of stairs at least twice daily up to our rooms, crawling the Cu Chi tunnels with doubly-bent backs and bags. When one gets so darn tired, a good ole massage feels so darn 'shhhiOok'. Woohoo~.

High no. 5: Knowledge (A bit irrelevant... but visiting museums to learn Vietnam history is one of the main things we did)

After all the museum trips, I won't exactly say I know all about the Vietnam war. Truth is, I'm actually still pretty clueless. But this much I know... In her struggle for independence, Vietnam has been through incessant battles against foreign powers. The war that ruins many lives, ebbs away men's integrity to turn them into killing machines who had no regard for another's life. Repercussions from the war runs deep on the Vietnamese till today with the chemical bombs and mines that are still hidden.
It seemed like this statement was put up in mockery of the Declaration because apparently the Americans, with their superior weaponry, were on a merciless torture and killing rampage who showed no regard for innocent civilians during the war. (or so it's portrayed in the museum) That having said, I refuse to be a victim of propaganda because the harm is done both ways and there are always the flip side to things.

The vehicles, weapons, places, photographs, all serve as evidence which I, as the oblivious city kid, find hard to turn away from. After witnessing the accounts of cruelty acts from war, the atmosphere of our little holiday grew heavy. The last part of the 'War Remnants Museum' leads the visitors to drawings done by Vietnamese kids in hope for a better tomorrow does little to lift my spirit. Perhaps this explains the Vietnamese's simple way of life. Because with the remnants of the war so close, every day that comes by in peace may be a blessing to them.

And of course, the knowledge attained from all these mind-bogging museum trips made me realise how lucky I am and how damn grateful I should be. Here's toast to living life intensely and let that be another 'high'.

High no. 6: Shopping (heh heh heh.. but the one and only happiest shopping would be this)
Before Hai Ba Trung street, we walked and shopped and walked and shopped till our legs were sore and my spirit flagged from all the relentless search of 'not-so-real' sport-branded tops for friends. Through the mountain of clothes, I couldn't see any tops to the slightest resemblance of the one that I desire.

And then...

oh dang. wrong photo.... I'm sorry. I left Singapore sad and distracted, knowing that Djokovic has missed his run for the medal at the Shanghai Masters Cup, and recalling the moment that I missed his shirt at vivocity's Adidas. That regret I've carried with me ever since. Till...

TADAH~! (photo courtesy of LSR, director of photography and model-posing)

FWAHAHAHAHAA. Further down Hai Ba Trung street on our very long journey to the popiah place tang recommended, I saw this official Adidas boutique and I perked up instantly. The moment I stepped into the shop, my eyes were scanning for that elusive shirt. And 'DING DING' it was right there staring at me. I screeched and jumped up literally (maciam school girl chasing idol). I was SOOOoo HAPPY! I found the shirt!!! It kept me grinning all the way back to the hotel. This ought to top my list of the Highest high. =)

Nevermind that it's on sale at 30% off in Singapore's adidas boutiques now... My shirt is specially air-flown from Vietnam. So it's different. Heh Heh Heh. If I ever go on a trip to watch the Grand Slam tournament live, there is only one shirt that I'll be wearing. (Speaking of which, Australia Open is coming!! Yey!)
_____________________________________________________

I'd like to thank KL my roommate for taking care of me, Mei Ya for her excellent bargaining skills to seal the best deals at Ben Thien Market, and Tang for organising the day-to-day itinerary. And of course everyone has a part to play for making the 4 kahs to play bridge in the middle of the night and laugh till we roll. Now Vietnam no more... so where's the next destination?

Batam, here I come... eee-haaa~^

sitting, waiting, drifting

2007-12-06T20:22:00.000+08:00

Just one of those days spent wondering is this where I should be right now? There must be something more. I need sleep and some indulgent lazy days to recharge and propel me forward, not endless drifting days. I want to sleep proper in my own bed and snooze till the afternoons, lie on the couch read a good book and watch scv.

oh.. and maybe find time to blog for a bit... within the time constraints now at my work place, I will do the post no justice if I attempt to blog proper now. (actually I'm just lazy to think la..) Too many things I wanted to say... then as time passes by, it didn't really mattered anyway. The past has passed. I'll reminicise it under better conditions another time. You are forewarned about the next long-winded post.

Time to close shop. Goodbye is not forever. (but fats is.. or so says ah!bang)

Djokovic, tennis, vietnam and everything else...

2007-11-16T20:51:00.000+08:00

I think it's a wrong time for me to go Vietnam leh.. missing 3 coaching sessions, that's quite some money I'm not earning. But of course, it's nothing as compared to the money Djokovic's not making out of the matches from the Masters Cup. (He didn't win any matches out of the round robin format in the masters cup.) But it's his debut for the cup la.. The 2006 best improved tennis player has had a huge season, jumping from Top 100 to world no. 3 in a course of 2 short years, played over 100 matches for this year's season alone, so cut him some slack. He's gonna have ample rest, plan his schedule next season properly and give the world no. 1 (aka Roger Federer) a run for his life. Heh heh.. psst... I dreamt about him this morning. HAHA. No, not a wet dream. It's a very innocent and 'we-had-a-connection' kind of dream.

ATP's report on Djokovic

Well.. if you really wanna know (not as if it's your say at this point.. I just wanna tell my story). I dreamt that it was one of those National Team functions I had to attend along with the opens. And Novak Djokovic was invited. So there he was sitting at our table next to me and we were happily chatting away. I asked him about the masters series and so forth, he's impressed with my knowledge of the games. WAHAHAHA. Damn, I shouldn't have woken up from that dream. Now, I really want that shirt of his. I saw it at Vivocity's Adidas the other time. But I bet it's long gone by now. I do hope he auctions his shirt off somewhere. I'm willing to trade Navarro's shirt for his.

(Can't believe I didn't buy this shirt @ Vivo then.. why o why??)

Also, I'm missing the Masters Cup semifinals and finals. I do hope they have SCV over in Vietnam. HAHA. People spend money go overseas travel and sightsee, I go the hotel room there watch tv. HAHA. Lagi best. Unless they have pubs that broadcast live tennis matches. please let there be many many tennis fans there...

Shanghai Masters Cup

Oh shudap already. Going overseas still complain so much. Ok lar, quite excited to experience a different culture. Been sometime since I visited another southeast asian country (except m'sia). Next time I'll go Shanghai catch the Masters Cup live. And Djokovic will be in the finals then. (In the professionals' game, consistency is key... and that comes with experience. Djok's only starting off.) =)

"All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go..." (not really... but I am leaving on a Jet(star) plane.) =P

P/S: If anything happens to me over there (choi ge lei), I love my family. And sorry daddy I'm so pissy. (like Roddick in the match against Federer today. wahhahaha) And all my other friends, you know I love you. (kel, I'll still will you my guitar. everyone else gets 1% of my pathetic savings in the bank.) Wahaha. pray, pray.

one one one one one one

2007-11-11T23:11:00.001+08:00

Wherever and whoever you are, you have 4 more years to appear in my life. Wahahahhaha.

Ain't it a beautiful day? A wonderful date to be reborn too. I put aside my pride and took a leap of faith today. And I do hope I'm here to stay. =)

Once again in November, I'm reminded of how loved I am. No big birthday bash this year but many many small simple gatherings instead though that doesn't mean there's any lack of surprises. It's another very long long birthday celebration marked with many eventful and happy moments that I'll never forget. =) I'm exhausted but filled with utter joyous satisfaction.

Last Sunday I went KY all happy and satisfied enough (and a little sheepish for being late) then suddenly, I cried so much, I was surprised at myself. Something took over, I simply let loose of my emotions and sobbed and sobbed.. (even though I didn't really thought I had anything much to wail about in the first place) After which, I felt very much at peace. It's honestly therapeutic like what D said. The day's sermon was about faithfulness - despite my skepticism and uncertainty, I was genuinely touched. I think perhaps I'm so prideful... many times, I look without seeing, hear without properly listening. (perhaps that explains why I'm half deaf and blind -literally-.) On the day forth, I told myself to keep an open mind to the possibilities, to give myself a chance to get to know God if he's really there. I left church with a renewed sense of energy and feeling that I have the ability to do something more. I didn't think there is any bad in believing what's good so I'm keeping the faith. After all, who dares to dispute that I'm not a blessed individual?

The same night, I met up with the few 'older'(HAHAHA) friends at a very special and cosy jap restaurant where one dish is cooked at a time and served individually almost half an hour apart. Actually it's authentic homecooked jap food by this one jap woman and everything from food to the icecream dessert is prepared by herself so I'm not complaining. My unagi was too good (food's the only other way to keep my mouth busy and shut me up). We could make all the noise we wanted and I was given a teacup for being the birthday girl so that's another ten points for service. Plus, I needn't pay for the meal (although that's nothing to do with the restaurant). Heh heh heh. I say thank 'YOU' (you know who you are la) for the voucher or else I wouldn't have the prettiest watch in the world...

A 'Le Petit Prince' watch. =)
.."On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur, l'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux." (It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye)..
It's a beautiful story I came to know since a long way back.. (*winks at moZ -and Zpig, of course-)

And I have ms LSR to thank for running all over the place with me to search for the perfect one... (the watch design, that is.) Gracias, gracias.

O, and I specifically demanded my family to keep monday night free and countdown for me at home. WAHAHAHAH. (and being the idiot I am, I made use of the opportunity over dinner to tell my dad off cause I was bitter about him sponsoring the full cost of our family overseas getaway even for my sister's boyfriend.. ok, so shut up already.) I learnt to let that go la.. I love Daddy too much to put up with my insolence. So all's well for the celebration countdown in the night. As usual, my dearest second sis did the cleaning up and stuff after even though she doesn't stay with us anymore. Thanks jie. O. And for tortee the turtle cushion that she and bro-in-law-Dan gave me. I like. The fur feels like Dovey's without all the hyperactivity. =)

A somewhat different wish this year.
I love my family.
Dovey maciam b'day center of attraction here.

And on official Tuesday the 6th, after purchasing my pricey prince watch, Kel, LSR & I headed down to ECP to cycle in the light drizzle in effort to burn off fats from hong kong cafe's food and secret recipe's banana choc cake. Perfect day, I say. Kel bought me a shirt from Clique that says, "Diets start tomorrow".. What can be more appropriate? I've been eating like a cow since Sunday night. And ms LSR of course shows off her creative skills by surprising me with the C-R-A-Z-Y birthday card. CRAZY, i say. haha. I like crazy. Look at it.. You'll know why.

Justine aside, who can go wrong with me and a half-naked Djokovic appearing together on the same cover? Ooo-la-la...

Makan time

Cycle khakis.

And after we went over to marina square to find Z thrillogists and we ate Azabu Sabo's icecream desserts together. Sedap, I tell you. Gorgeous, orgasmic, tantalising... So good that Venezia's yogurt flavored icecream nearly lost its top placing in my heart. Even looking at it makes me salivate...

Delightfully delicious...

We, the thrillogists, head to watch our usual favorite genre of movies - fantasy & magic - (actually, only just me 'cos of HP and Zpig 'cos of LOTR).. moZ is there to make sure that our imagination don't get ahead of us. Stardust is really nice, and funny.. unexpected and wittily funny. I like. And then, the thrillogists fulfilled the prophecy of the stars once again by buying something I really appreciate, something to admire the amazing lights in the sky with... (I can honestly ready myself to be an astronomer from their gifts each year)
Now the only problem is to put it together and make it work.

The long long day it's been and I got home at 11odd pm, was prepared to get online and help D with something as requested then hit the sack... then D suddenly appeared at my room door with En, Ian, Ruth, and Kirk! Imagine my surprise.. HAHA. I was filled with utter gleeeeeeeeeee (and it's not 'cos of the munchy donuts). HEEE. So happy and of course surprised 'cos half of them have never been to my place before. And I honestly doubt my dad remembers seeing any of them ever but he let them in anyway. HAHAHAHA. Apparently, my dad had a lot of questions for the only mister that came along. Our youth pastor is the only male friend of mine that has set foot in the house by far... naturally my dad will be.. er.. concerned. HAHAHA. This was just a pleasant pleasant surprise for me. So unexpected. I'm so happy, I still can remember the feeling now. Thanks D for the surprise (as it is for many others as well.. =P ), I really love it. Can't remember if I had the sweetest dreams but I had a good sleep without the Birkenstock sandals under the pillow. Thanks En for that. =)

Wednesday night I was off to JB with Cheryl, Daries and their friend for the best pepper crab, chicken wings and tapioca leaves veg that I've ever had. The pepper crab was so good, I almost swallowed the shell whole. Chicken wings were first grilled then half fried and coated with honey so as to attain a crispy texture on the outside, juicy and fragrant on the inside. I never tasted anything like that before. Even punggol nasi lemak's chicken wing is a far cry. And the veg dish was well stirred with garlic to enhance it's flavor.. I never thought I'll enjoy other veg dish besides kangkong - and this is better than kangkong, honestly. Wah piang.. can write one whole paragraph about food. hehehe. Then of course in the sleek SAAB, not reaching speed of 200km/h is a crime in the forsaken highway of m'sia (just make sure you give me enough time to belt up before you step the pedal to the metal).

And comes Thursday... where I was suppose to meet Inky at Swensons and then a whole bunch of the TK gang turned up. =) another pleasant surprise. So honored and happy to have friends doing such things for me. Haven't seen monkey, Qi & XJ for quite some time already. Inky, I love the pendant you gave me. I'm glad everyone have the heart to want to celebrate my 22nd birthday with me, belated or not. Although Langx2 and Rach always like to tease me la.. but I appreciate you people for bringing joy to my life. Thank you for putting the surprise together. Sorry I had to leave early for work.. (bo bian.. double pay $12/hr is a money making opportunity I couldn't miss) And I had a very eventful day at work as well. =)

And on Saturday.. it's time to celebrate for my dearest PAPA instead. As usual, he booked the CC under those HDB block to sing.. but this time is closed door affair and exclusive invitations only to our relatives.. so many of us (good singers or not) picked up the mike and started our KTV session. My dad certainly won't miss the chance to show off his vocal chords. My cousins and I had loads of fun just making a fool out of ourselves. By the end of the day I was deadbeat (from Nike's first official training as well) but I still nge si want to play mahjong and ended up falling asleep on the table. Lucky didn't lose money only.

So we come to the big 11/11 today. A full four years before 'you-know-what'... yet today's date signify something else of more importance. I want to grow more in faith and learn of the bigger things that I'm meant to do in life. Words are only words until I decide to take action.

P/S: somewhere along the way the past week, I cleared subject 25 and managed to book my traffic police test date on the 29th Feb and I haven't yet got into an accident. So yea~

P/P/S: thanks nypians for the post b'dae celebration today though not quite official. thank you grace for the verses. =)

Ok. Enough of thank yous already. Not academy award. I is sleepy. Good night, gracias.

grow with experience, keep the essence

2007-10-27T00:01:00.000+08:00

Gee.. damn I'm tired of blogging sob stories. At times when I'm feeling just good enough, the sad posts have the potential to pull me down. Last thing I want would be to dampen the mood of my friends any further, when what I need is their support to pull me up.

And I realised that indulgent moods have a tendency to go in a circle. Sometimes people just keep falling in the same hole. Really ought to slap oneself in the face for a wake up call. Why torture yourself this way?

Pain is inevitable, misery is CHOICE.

Sincerity to others is important. And so are the choices we make. To make the best decision, we have to acquire wisdom from our own experiences. Hence, each pain we go through, each challenge we meet, only serves to help us in the future. Everybody goes through different experiences, thus we make different choices given the same scenario. What's best in your opinion may not be what's best in mine. And yet our differences is what makes us so special and from each other, we learn more.

To acquire my wisdom, -my acceptance of things-, I wouldn't wish for life any other way. So bring it on and I'll brave it through. If I ever change, I promise you one thing...

I'll still love food as much. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.. (and if you accept the way I am, you'll always be my friend.)

"Chiquitita you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita"

P/S: Thank you for a wonderful dinner. In this ever-changing world, thank you for reminding me that what we share is true.

Dumbledore gay?

2007-10-25T20:24:00.000+08:00

Link:TODAY article
Link:Detailed transcript from fansite

hmmm... I was wondering if J.K Rowling was joking. Then... the more I thought about it.. the more plausible it seemed. Dumbledore was meant to be a complicated character anyway and homosexuality gives rise to many complex issues - tolerance, values, social concerns. etc. Having said that.. it doesn't really changed my perspective or liking for the series. Love, ultimately, in whichever form, is still love. And I thought Rowling passed the startling information almost like a casual remark. So I think avid fans shouldn't read too much into it, especially if it's going to spoil the enjoyment of re-reading the books.

I'm just amused at how a supposed children's book has evolved into the story as such. The series was getting progressively darker with each book. O, the controversy this tiny piece of news is going to raise... If the books are taken off the shelves of the children's section, I'm not surprised.

Meanwhile, we should all keep an open mind and interpret the words in each lines our own way as we see like it.

Through and through, I'm still a Harry Potter fan.

=)

ignorance is bliss

2007-10-21T18:38:00.000+08:00

innocence is underated.
change is inevitable.
happiness is acceptance.
life is beautiful.

the ties that bind

2007-10-13T18:19:00.000+08:00

Qn: How many people does it take to change a punctured tyre?

Ans: Four. One worker to do the physical changing of tyre, one assistant to sort out the correct equipment to use, one instructor to tell us what to do, and one silent supporter to keep her hands clean so that she won't dirty the interior of the car while driving to the petrol kiosk.

It's interesting how 'coincidental' the tyre puncture happened.. As if some force out there wants us to come together and work things out. Really heartening during these curious times.
__________________________________________________

It's through the gravest situations where people draw closer to each other. The need to know that we are not alone, and together we'll be strong enough to brave things through. We've forgotten about the ties that bind... even though we may have taken different paths. Here, we share something in common - to grieve for another in spite of the awkward circumstances. What are the appropriate questions to ask? What's the ideal response? Small talk in effort to break the ice never felt this lame. I never had the fear of inadequacy this much before and so I have learnt to keep my silence. Just the physical prescence is enough, touch of the hand for comfort speak more than the exchange of words. Melancholic reminders of the past to tell that it has been that long and so many things have changed since... This is all too real. Life is too damn short.

In contrast.. the little nitty gritty things that's been bugging me the past few months seem so small all of a sudden... Track back to the past. To the days of innocence. I found once again the simple equation to living a happy and fulfilling life. Because love first given to me is from my parents. Because the ones I fall back on at the end of the day is my family. There's no need to butter things up... and that different perspective goes a long way. When it comes down to it (despite our many disagreements), support is always there when needed.

That, I love. =)

Wonderland

2007-10-08T01:54:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I walk fast for fear of being left behind
Maybe I don't like the view from the back
Sometimes I walk slow to clear my mind
To make sure that I stay on track
Other times I thread the fine line
No wonder life gets in a wreck

And to live my life simply
Am I to do the mundane
I just want to be happy
Damn this drive me insane
___________________________________________________

The rock is sturdy and strong
Not swept away by waters
Stay where familiar belong
Forgo about the others

The driftwood goes with the flow
Experience turbulences
Pick up everything on tow
Risk breaking into pieces

Here I am in wonderland
Where things can't be black and white
With no idea where to stand
I hope for one to confide

________________________________________________

Under the same moon in starry skies
Brilliance of the night walks me home
I'm not afraid what the darkness lies
With great companion on the phone

P/S: I suck at rhymes.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." - ?

"Often we run & hide, but it doesn’t mean that we don’t secretly hope to be found." - ...

blah.

2007-10-03T18:36:00.000+08:00

silly blunder at work. must be thick-skinned enough to acknowledge, brave enough to learn. bzzt.

So where's the good now?

2007-10-01T02:31:00.000+08:00

I was good yesterday.
Who took my good away?

On date 30th September 2007:
I was happy today. I learnt to make Iced Mocha, Latte, Mini Pizza and Nacho Cheese. I served a few customers with my best and it made me glad to know they appreciated the service.

Unfortunately, happiness is short-lived. September 30th marks the last day of the F&B section of Clique just when it's my first time to be posted in there.

I was happy today.
Who took it away?

After bad comes good.

2007-09-19T23:53:00.000+08:00

This, from my private vault, I once wrote to myself. And now I dedicate the same words to a dear friend.

"Once I've had enough of putting myself through this saddistic self-mutilation, I'd find the strength to brighten up from within. When things have already reached the bottom of a pit -unless I keep dwelling and digging-, things can only go uphill from here. =) Just remember life is short. (Narcissistic it may sound...) Treat yourself better 'cos you deserve no less."

Be strong.

Do the Math

2007-09-19T20:41:00.000+08:00

Blame it on the flu. Blame it on the boredom of having spent the last 48hrs trapped at home. Blame it on the conjunction with the final year exams (not as if it really concerns me)...I'm going cranky. Thereby, resulting in this peculiar post.
__________________________________________

If Grace has 5 senses, and 3 (hearing, sight and smell) of them are failing. How many working senses are there left? What is the probability of her surviving the flu epidemic in this urban society?

Un/Fortunately for Grace, her most prized (at the same time, cursed) asset (aka taste) is still functioning. In order to feed herself, she works 12-9pm @ $6/hr twice a week, on top of the 'once-in-a-blue-moon' coaching (where the kids are breaking for exams in the month of September).

ASSUMING...
- Her stomach and appetite is 50% more than the ordinary person and she spends an average (over a week) of $15 on food and expenses each day she goes out of the house... (and she solely leaves home for work, thrice-a-week trainings and only meets up with friends on saturdays)
- Her coaching payment for the month of August is yet again delayed, and her new ad-hoc job's payment has not been processed...

What is the total deficit amount Grace has to ready herself for in the month of September?

Luckily for Grace, she has $y amount of money in her bank account to cushion the expenses before her August/September pay comes in. However she just paid for her driving lessons which cost $220.42, and her very overdued M1 bills which cost $20x.xx.

ASSUMING, $y<$600... and Grace keeps up her eating spree, how long will it take before she turns into a miser again.. (if she isn't already one)?

Driven to desperate measures, Grace decided one day to open up her 'La Bi Xiao Xin' piggy bank and count the number of $1 coins she so infrequently deposits into the hungry boy.

There were 3 $1-coins dated '1988', 5 $1-coins dated '1990', 2 $1-coins dated '1991', 7 $1-coins dated '1995', 13 $1-coins dated '1997', 6 $1-coins dated '2006'.
If Grace puts in all the coins back into XiaoXin, what is the probability that she will shake out a '1997' coin from the pigeon hole? When will Grace get hold of a $1-coin dated '1985'?

Grace took out 3 $1-coins dated '1997' from XiaoXin, how much is his stomach worth now? What is the probability that, in the midst of pulling the plug out of the pigeon hole from Xiaoxin's base, Grace would actually break Xiaoxin's toothbrush even though she was only using 75% of the strength she exerts during weights training? What are the chances that Grace will find the time or be bothered to glue the toothbrush back again?

_____________________________________________

Fact 1: Taking her clumsy ways into account, there is 85% possibility that whenever Grace is around, accidents would happen. - which is part of her concern to whether she should take up driving after all as she does not wish to be a road hazard and she can save up the money at the same time.

Fact 2: Grace has spent 1/3 of her working time blogging the current post at this god-forsaken shop and she has closed 3 sales so far and she is happy.

Fact 3: The date of this post is erred so as to conceal the fact of the current location she is supposed to be at and prevent students from stalking her at her workplace.

P/S: For those who took the time to work out the sums... ... good luck to you. I do hope you manage to answer the rhetorical questions and please enlighten me in that regard where possible.

just Djo'king'

2007-09-14T16:05:00.000+08:00

6 reasons why I love Novak Djokovic:

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1. He's one great tennis player. I was hooked when watching the US Open 2nd rd match. This man chases down every single shot and never ever gives up. You should watch him work his magic during tie-breaker games. I mean it.. he never ever ever gives up.

In a mere 3 years since he started competing in Grand Slam tournaments, he's now ranked no. 3 in the world. At 20 years of age, he's one of the youngest players to have ever entered a Grand Slam final up till this year at the US Open. I say - Roger Federer, even though he lost to you in the finals this time, you better watch your back 'cos this young man is going to catch up real soon. Who knows, by the time he's your age, he could be winning more grand slam titles already.

2. Aside from the fact that he has a great bod...

3. He's a great sport.

After a line challenge which he lost, (where the ball landed this '||' close to the line), he shrugged to the stands with a 'what-can-i-do-about-tt' expression. And kept going at his game anyway.

4. He looks goofy... - even when angry.

During the US Opens Finals, there were quite a number of ridiculous line calls against him from the chair umpire. Even I was confounded.

5. He IS goofy. - Check out his impersonations of the other tennis players. He's one good observer and actor.

This is the impersonation of Maria Sharapova and Rafael Nadal during the US Open after one of his match wins.

This is his impersonation at the Men's locker room before the Quarterfinal match. You should check out the way he mimicks Federer at the end with the hair-tossing headshake and racquet clap. Simply classic.

6. He is very much a Djoker but he sings and dances quite well too..

O well. Not on this one maybe. HAHA.

This video is a little draggy but it does showcase his singing talents just that bit better. You get to see how cute he looks in glasses at any rate.

Djokovic's 20th birthday bash.
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So now, who dares dispute that Djokovic is not cute? He may not be 10/10 on the looks department but his wacky sense of humor sure does score him full marks. Coupled with his amazing talent in tennis...

Who is Gracias's favorite tennis player?

Djokovic, of course. (sorry Justine, you've got to take a backseat on this one.)

Vindicated

2007-09-03T01:45:00.000+08:00

I'm free of my inner demons. Finally. =)

It's probably the PMS. Those passing anguish, short tempers, very weird temperaments, impatience, and a very 'dirtier-than-usual' foul mouth... Can't recall how many times I've said 'Sai' the past few days... until I really had diarrhea.

Lucky for me, I have friends that can tahan my whines, bitching, and hot-cold temperament. I never intended to spread my distress around, but coupled with PMS, emotions sometimes just spills over the top. So paiseh ar.

Gracias, nevertheless, to those who stood around by me, physically or not, knowingly or not.

Sad-eyed Eeyore behind shielded glasses, moved by the puppeteer.

Through Eeyore and his looking glass, I'm touched.
Thank -You-.

My new idol - Djokovic

2007-09-01T18:20:00.000+08:00

Match point finally.

Did anyone watch the US Open Men's 2nd round last night?!

It was C-R-A-Z-Y!! 4plus am and I was feeling far from sleepy even after that evening's training. And Djokovic's spirit was enough to carry me through this morning's training as well. Woohoo~.

Let me show you the stats. 5 sets over a marathon of 4hrs 45min. Djokovic vs Stepanek: 6-7(4-7), (7-5)7-6, 5-7, 7-5, (7-2)7-6.

In case you're blur.. those in brackets are the points in the tie-breakers, in event whenever there's a 6-6 game tie within a set.

Right.. but the stats alone is no where near justifying how thrilling the match was. From the moment I switched on my tv, World No. 3 seeded Djokovic was already 2 sets and one game down in the 4th playing set.. I thought it was going to be another upset by an unseeded player, Stepanek (unseeded but once ranked no. 8 long time ago).. After the morning's disappointment - (from seeing Blake push till the 5th set and not losing.. [cos i dun like americans and support underdogs in non-homegrounds]), I was determined to catch another '5-set marathon upset' in the men's 2nd round.

But as the match progressed, I found myself rooting for Djokovic even though he wasn't the underdog. After all, this was the man that recently defeated Federer in the Masters series and I think he has a higher chance of creating the biggest upset in the Finals. This man is just incredible, tons of spirit and energy. Yet, his opponent was no less.

The match had lots of fantastic winners. Great defence and rallies from both players. Lobs and shots that find the edges of the court. WAY COOL...

Read the full report below.

http://www.usopen.org/en_US/news/match_reports/2007-08-31/200708311188609019718.html

Match analysis.

The match was so exhilarating. Even when the match has ended, both players showed amazing sportsmanship and manage to muster remaining energy to congratulate each other with a big hug. Though a little gay but it was really heartening to see. This is the best tennis match I've ever watched by far. Perhaps the only match that can come close would be a 'Djokovic-upsetting-Fed' Final.

Exhausting match...

Meanwhile, September holds many surprises ahead. =)

Jit pu sai + Jit pu sai = JIT DUA PU SAI

2007-08-25T04:47:00.000+08:00

Shit happens. I've taken shit before in life so this shit is nothing.
As the Beatles sing, "Take a sad song and make it better."
And here I am sitting my big fat ass at home "taking a sad movie and making it better".

Broadening my perspective in the still of the night by burping at strangers after a midnight bus ride, amusing myself with the rhythmic steps to the random music i was listening to, and walking with the friendly ghosts while enjoying the scenery on my way home. So far so good.

Grateful to have friends who stay around no matter what (whether in mind, in heart or in spirt - no pun intended). Thanks to all my dear friends: for the javachip & muffin - a timely arrival at my time of need, (aside from the part that I was friggin' hungry), the 'take-forever-to-upload' songs (and the 'mushier-than-campbell-mushroom-soup' exchange on msn), the thrillogist's 'sunday-plan-distraction' (whether you knew it or not), the cheesecake surprise (or rather, 'meant-to-be-a-surprise' surprise.. but thanks for the very sweet thought anyway), the lovely smses sent that give me strength (you do it so right too), the late night talk at waterfront (and for reminding me the anger management song)... and all others for your silent support - doesn't matter if I was understood. And Oppih too for your physical prescence(what will I do without you?).

Gracias forever.

Life is short. Soon I'll cease wallowing in self pity, stop giving in to my own emotions, get tired of being vindictive altogether... and live my life simply - oblivious to all the bad in the world. I am getting dark enough already (not just from the sun).

Meanwhile, I'll take a sad song and make it better.

'Till August ends.

Pensieved

2007-08-23T02:12:00.000+08:00

gracias.

Pandora's box

2007-08-21T11:03:00.000+08:00

Desperately wanted to put something positive here. But I can't gather the strength to. Going in circles again. Sibei jialat.

I know what I have to do. Life is short - ride the highs, sail the lows. Without the lows, there wouldn't be the highs. But I'm in a phase of "without-the-highs,-there-would-be-no-lows" mindset right now. Worry not 'cos it's only a matter of time to heal. Scars will be there to remind us of the strength we are capable of.

Like my mentor said.. "sometimes things seem difficult... but there's only one way out and that's to try to see the good it brings. nothing is ever achieved without pain. Be strong, be unshakable, be at peace. because there's so much more to life and you're loved."

Thank you. Your insight's amazing. You have no idea how your words moved me then and that how much I need them now for an entirely different matter.

I'm still in the process of building my foundations, so just a little vulnerable. At least the debris is more or less cleared.

那被!

2007-08-14T02:42:00.001+08:00

难得我会在这里大声的嚷嚷。
突然间很想骂粗话。
突然间很想学孙悟空在世间大闹一场。
突然间很想对世界宣告我很不高興。
突然间又没有自由了。
突然间失去了心中的平静。

再突然间,又想我是不是未免太小题大做了?
有多少人多么希望能站在我的立场上。
或許我应该收敛一下.
也許這就是瑛琪所說的..."as good as it gets".

可是你不是我.
我不喜歡做後補.
我渴望的自由,你了解嗎?
已經做好的決定又要因此而改變.
想離開卻又不能走.我厭倦了這種沒有選擇的余地.
我的人生就仿彿被矇上了一片務.
永遠都看不到自己的方向.
沈巧盈, 你就永遠被人牽著鼻子走!

糖,你猜中了. 要過了幾天才能感覺到痛.雖然這跟你所說的不同.
旁觀者一定會視我作為小孩子.
"有機會就把握啊!埋怨這樣多幹嗎?"
..可是我的心已經不在了. 我已經待得不開心了.
怎能"開心就好?"

小孩子!埋怨夠了.嚷嚷夠了.
明早睡一覺起來心情一定會有改進.
明天去吹吹海風,尋找生活的另一種開心.
我的小黃臉終于能再次派上用場,重出江湖!

Aftermath

2007-08-13T11:13:00.000+08:00

passing cars, passing clouds, passing showers... passing perth

It was never a question of ability, only the power of will.
Really wasn't whether I can or not, but all a matter of wanting or not.

As much as one comes to loving oneself, I ought to know when to give myself a hardER time.

Moving on to a bigger picture, -passing the gray clouds overhead-, to live a happier life.
=)

Perth

2007-08-04T13:54:00.000+08:00

I like the blue sky with its vivid and contrasting clouds here.
I like the chilly breeze under the bright sun here.
I like the cold night and the pretty moon sitting just outside my balcony.

Even if things may not be working my way, I'm plain glad to be here. No high hopes for anything anyway, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to work hard still. Ought to enjoy the moment and cast away distracting thoughts. Gonna be here right now, not the past nor the future.

I love where I am.

Let go

2007-07-29T17:44:00.000+08:00

If the troubles won't be gone today or tomorrow, it'll go away in time. Just ought to learn to treat yourself better. Of all the memories to dwell upon, why not take the happier ones to be merry about. Life is too short. If you are to map out your lifespan on a timeline, this woe will not even take up a fraction of it out of the big picture. Or to put it in another perspective, if you are to die the next moment, will you let your last memory to be an unhappy one? So why let it bog you down when there are so many beautiful things in the present to breathe and take in? Living in the non-existent is surely unhealthy.

"Pain is inevitable, misery is choice."
Unless you allow this misery to strengthen yourself, cast it away...cos you can choose not to indulge.

P/S: Must stop listening to sad soppy songs and tune in to catchy happy ones. (~Hakuna Matata - it means no worries for the rest of your days. It's our problem-free philosophy...~ Hakuna Matata.^)

Bintan Bintang

2007-07-20T14:12:00.000+08:00

Aloha! I'm back from Bintan! Was a FANTASTIC trip. Absolutely fun fun fun!!! Did a couple of sea sports that I've never tried before. Will go into details, put up pics and a proper post when I have the time to get down to it. Meanwhile, I must prepare for the launch of the Deathly Hallows. Muahahaha. (maciam I'm some staff at borders)

Just a little sneak peek at one of my fav photos.

We are archers.
from left: Tang2, Legolass, KKKL, Mei3Ya2.

Woohoo. Don't we look cool? Right. I'm going into hibernation with my Deathly Hallows book. Till then.

snake charmer.

2007-07-16T16:10:00.000+08:00

Dear viewers, do not attempt to try this at home. The following stunts are done by a - trained professional? -

"Hallo Hallo. Snake number 188, how are you doing in your pillowcase bag?"

At 2.30am this morning, I set off in my booties to catch snakes for a fellow friend (aka Badot)'s final year project. IT'S FRIGGIN EXCITING!! After hours of searching, wading the canal's waters and apprehension (on whether I'm prepared mentally), I finally did my virgin snake catch at 4.40am. I'm an official snake wrangler! The juvenile snake is so small and cute ar. It didn't really put up much of a struggle (if there's one at all). I think I'm a natural. Either that or it's charmed by me. Muahaha. Oh well, maybe it's cos I was trying to speak Parseltongue to it too. I'm a snake charmer. Gotta buy a flute and a basket next. I think it could make quite a part time job. Else I can join Jeff Corwin on his snake expeditions and be famous on the Animal Planet too!

It's really quite an experience honestly. I feel like a kampung kid trying to catch guppies from longangs. (Only that it ain't guppy this time.) The species that Badot is researching on is a pretty docile type of snake, Cerberus Rynchops, so I wasn't exactly attempting suicide. Though, the terrain is really tricky, and you'll never know what other nocturnal creatures looms in the dark. It kinda takes some courage to step in the murkier waters as well. If there really is a Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry, I expect I'll be in placed in Gryffindor. Dumbledore would be proud.

Speaking of which, Order of Phoenix is not too bad la - caught it together with Thrillogists last night although it's a far cry from Omnitheatre's Goblet of Fire. The artistic direction of this latest installment wasn't exactly the way I imagined it, but at least it's not choppy. And this time round, the new casts are better actresses. Luna Lovegood is pretty much what I imagined her to be, Umbridge should be uglier but she's irritating enough in the movie. And need I say more about Bellatrix Lestrange (yes Hanna, I can hear you). But but, the Department of Mysteries looks more like a zen-looking toilet with gleaming black tiles than a terrifying corridor. Since when did the Dursleys renovated their house in Privet Drive? And (in Hermione's tone), honestly, was the 'London sightseeing' on broomsticks necessary? It was so corny, I couldn't finish my popcorn.

Right. Enough critic. 21st July awaits me. I shan't spoil it for you here. If you're keen to discuss a few rumours and theories with me about the Deathly Hallows, my 'HP' hotline is always on standby (o yes, you dawn too) even if I'm in Bintan.

P/S: I do Travis no justice by singing such a nice song this awful. But I is lazy to convert the original track. So bear with the noise for a bit till I come back from Bintan and do my blog changes. Parseltongue ain't easy to master at 4.40am in the morning.

HELLO POTTER

2007-07-10T00:01:00.000+08:00

Are you counting down? 'cos I am! Lucky there's Potter to save me from the disappointments of Wimbledon. But Bartoli gives hope to all the fat asses like me in the world that one can make it big one day no matter how weird the outlook and style, as long as you have the determination. So Gracias the procrastinator shall draw inspiration from the few people I only get to meet in my dreams and work hard to outdo my slacker self. Have a good time in Perth. Hopefully.

Like what Justine says, "I just want to enjoy every moment. I don't have anything to prove to anyone."

And the melancholic yet wise words of Dumbledore, "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

Just a few more days to the movie, a few more days to the book, a few more days to Bintan and a few more days to Dawn's return. Woohoo. There's so much to look forward to. I like~. Time to put an end to the driftwood days. Thrillogists and Potter, wait for me. I may be counting down the days but I've got some catching up to do with the books.

Till his lightning scar saves another day,
ciaoz.

P/S: Too late to scare my neighbors with my off-pitch singing, so put a song tt stuck for the moment. emo song for emo kid. and i like the strings at the chorus (cello i think). 'smile like you mean it'.

Chasing Daylight

2007-06-19T05:52:00.000+08:00

Attention: This is not a suicide note. It's just a very long entry.

Ok. So what is this insolent brat preaching about this time, I, who proclaim that I do not fear death when I've never even been close to one myself. As I post this entry inspired from a book, I'm kinda trying to avoid claims of pretending that I know death. Truth is, a part of me is afraid of the unknown. Yet, I think (and hope) that a some part of me is ready to embrace it. Since we never know what may happen next. (There's no Hiro Nakamura in real life to stop time and bring it back. FYI, he's a character from 'Heroes'. heh heh)

Perhaps due to the number of passings I've witnessed, I find myself particularly able to relate and be inspired by the book. (Or maybe the coward in me simply sees death as an escape, because I'm afraid of the uncertain future and the responsibilities it holds.) Maybe those who have been through near death experiences would utterly disagree with what I have to say and what the book narrates. Still, I feel obliged to put down this awe-inducing excerpt, from the biography Chasing Daylight by Eugene 'O Kelly. The book is written with such sensibility, clarity, wisdom of life (and death) that I feel motivated to alter my perspectives and truly make a change in my own life. Many of the principles and values mentioned, I could learn and apply. But of course, the priorities of a dying man and a healthy person may differ in extremes. Guess that's where a balance ought to be striked. Always plan like a healthy man, yet spend each moment as if it may be the last. (wah.... how to do that sia...)

This book about a man embracing his death is nowhere near solemn or morbid for that matter, and the greatest lesson one may learn yet could be from understanding there's a closure in everything. Ironically, this excerpt is not about death, but about living life. (The excerpt that even lazy-ass grace could get this motivated to rack her brains, blog one whole chunk about it and feel like making a change about something.)

- " 'I had always been a great believer in commitment, in every aspect of life that mattered to me. Total commitment to marriage, to family... ... To me, commitment equaled sacrifice,maturity, morality, certainty- virtues all.. Unfortunately, though, commitment, particularly in the business world, had come to equal time. Too often, your commitment was routinely measured by how many hours your were willing to work. By how much time you would take from you family... ...commitment had come to mean reliability, proving that you'd been there already and promising to be there again. If you gave away huge amounts of time, then it followed that you had exhibited commitment. If you did not give so much time, then by definition your level of commitment was suspect. Time alone was the bellwether....'
'Yet...after my family and sleepwalked through the past couple of nightmarish weeks, I had come to wonder about the true nature of commitment. In fact it's not about time... not about realiability and predictability. Commitment is about depth. It's about effort. It's about passion. It's about wanting to be in a certain place, and not somewhere else. Of course time is involved; it would be naive and illogical to suggest otherwise. But commitment is best measured not by the time one is willing to give up but, more accurately, by the energy one wants to put in, by how present one is.'
'Once I came to this idea, I felt as if I were onto something. I could not control time. I had only partial control over my surroundings. What I could control was my energy. How I allocated it. How I used it in response to outside influences. This.. -guiding principle- would help me focus on what I needed to focus on. Consciousness, not commitment, was a better...word to describe what I was always trying to move toward, from here to the end.'"

- "No more living in the future. (Or the past..) It is -was- exhausting to live in a world that never exists. Also kind of silly, since we happen to be blessed with such a fascinatinng one right here, right now.'"

- "Living in the present moment was tremendously difficult. But it has to get easier, I told myself, if you've been given a death sentence.
Doesn't it?"

-"...if I were in the present moment, I would be aware only of the experience I was having, not of how this might be the last time I would experience this, ever..."

.
.
Right, I could go on forever with these excerpts and quotes. Go read the book. It's ranked beside "Mister God, This Is Anna" in my hit list of most inspiring books. Not as if I read a lot of books la.. but oh yes, I do read books other than Harry Potter.

If only we knew how to measure committment by intensity and consciousness, instead of time, the little things life would be simplified, made clearer and more enjoyable as we live the present moment.

I won't make any promises here, but I am inspired. =)

Footnote: ADHD kid, be here now, not out there anyhow. I don't believe I really need a hearing aid. Good night and adios for it's very late.

父亲节快乐。Happy Father's Day.

2007-06-17T15:20:00.000+08:00

I love my 老斗 (Dad), even though lately he likes to wake me up with the blasting of his karaoke songs that echoes through both his and my room doors. It could have been worse... it could have been my mum's off key singing. Right now, he's somewhere out there in Rivervale Plaza performing for some 'Father's Day' singing competition. I'm sure he'll be bringing home a prize to show off tonight, and to add to his cluttered collection of trophies. Just what a 狗窝 (dog-homed) house needs. And I thought I was good with all my sport medals, he had to put me into place... And that's my dad for you, constantly trying to steal my limelight. I refuse to forgive him for his exclamation on my b'dae party. "平时讲话那么大声,现在唱歌这样小声。" (Normally talk so loud, now sing so soft).

But of course, this 'happy-go-lucky' disposition is not what all there is to my dad. On the Wednesday morning, I took a humbling lesson from him. We were talking about his retirement and was just going on about what he intends to do after those years of hard labor work. Then i asked him (due to the nature of my current job in landed properties), why don't he make an investment with his savings and let the money grow? Why not get a bigger house? He replied: "住这样都很开心了，那么大的房子干吗? 钱都够了，拿来投资又怕这个怕那个。多钱很多问题的." (Why need such a big house when we're happy staying like this? There's already enough money, if you invest them, you're constantly afraid of fluctuations. Too much money will create a lot of problems.)

When I heard what he said, I was rendered speechless. I'm utterly amazed. True, one may strike my dad off as 不上进 (not ambitious). But in my opinion, he is the one who has truly struck the gold. By being 知足 (satisfied), he lives his life happy and fulfilling and makes the most of what he has. What's the point of working so hard when you're not happy? What's the point of having so much money when you don't know what to do with it, when ultimately... you don't know what brings you true joy? Desire for luxury surely isn't the answer.

Many people always think my 老爸 is very silly and blur but i beg to differ.. Dad has come a long way. He nurtured 3 successful daughters (pretty much la) and 1 very demanding wife.. he started his business from scratch with his own hands when there were others putting him down. He is one very strong man who buries his scars deep so that we won't see and worry for him. He is so amazing. I'm forever thankful and blessed to have him. My sisters used to squabble over who has inherited more of Dad's genes and temperament. HAHA. I'm proud to be his daughter and certainly hope he is as proud of me.

老爸，我爱你。
父亲节快乐.
=)

I love simple =)

2007-06-11T02:23:00.000+08:00

I love the sound of my guitar.
I love the night.
I love animals.
I love my family.
I love my friends.
I love freedom.
=)

(And to quote Jason Mraz song...Life is wonderful)
"it takes no time to fall in love... but it takes you years to know what love is..."
Great song, great singer. I'd love to play the guitar like him.

Although I may have 2 senses failing, another 2 happen to be heightened - my tastebuds included - to compensate for whatever I'm shutting off from. I love to go without my glasses, see in negative spaces and kaleidoscope of colors, where the near and the far blends into shades of blurry colors and I'll be immersed in a world of my own, imagining how things look like. I love to look at faceless people and not be afraid of having to dodge their glances. I love being just a bit blind.

I love trilogies, yet sequels nowadays are always disappointing (Spiderman, Pirates, Shrek). Gone are the days of 'Back to the Future'.

But I still love my thrillogists. And now, back to my 'heroes'.

Just a little ... ...

2007-06-10T04:10:00.000+08:00

Congrats Rach. Really happy for you. =) Training would be fun with you around. Been a long time since we were in the same training team actually. Hah.

I was pretty darn worried about the announcement actually. Didn't really think it bothered me that much until I was standing there. I felt my smile was plastered on all of a sudden. More of a sense of relief than happiness when I heard my name. Alas, my ego is intact this time. Almost. What to do but to do what I can from now on lor... Just learn as much from the coach as I can, while I still can.

Give it my best shot and keep no reservations?

Contemplating.

P/S: Gentle reminder. Jangan anyhow anyhow... I love my thrillogists. =)

for I have sinned...

2007-06-05T02:05:00.000+08:00

Alas, the Sim with so much 'sim' (heart) has sinned. When the anger simmers, all is well. We recover with time. But today, I plead guilty to something else.

I have traded my old loves for new ones. Indeed, my fear of commitment is too real. I've been spending less and less time with my hubby ever since my new love came along. Sorry, lao gong, you bring music to my ears, but somehow we don't sing the same tune perfect despite the number of times we've been through. So right now, I've decided to have an affair with the one that gives me the adrenaline rush, the pair so bright and cheery, I fell too many times for...
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Muahahaha. So cool for what? After Sat's 'very-early-in-the-morning-and-I-can't-believe-I-woke-up-on-time' skating session at ECP with KK and tang2, I was possessed. I crave for that breeze blowing in my face, the adrenaline to stay constantly alert, the desire to master special moves, the falling and recovering from the bumps and ditches. Yellow is for courage, yellow is for hope, yellow is for joy. Yellow is for Livestrong. =) Thanks tang2. I wanna learn something new out of my stagnant netball 'pasttime'... I have and I still am.

Aside from the skating affair, splurging is my number 2 sin.. Even though I'm about as fat as a hippopotamus now, I've been buying clothes that I can only hope to fit into the few months down the road. No thanks to the illusion created that everything is cheap from the Great Singapore Sale season.. and I bought a Fossil watch that wasn't exactly on discount... hmmmm...

All this, when I'm earning only a measly $540 a month with the P.A job. The job where I have to lie more than George Bush does, through gritted teeth and knotted tongue. Luckily, things have been picking up since the adverts. Busy days they are, but I may finally earn my well-deserved commission. Bo pi let my bro-in-law close many deals. His family needs to eat and be taken care of... My sister has lost so much weight and Dovey is still very young. More importantly, I can't survive on winning mahjong money alone. True, I can sell Heroes VCD at $5 each. (After all, I'm still waiting for 'whatever' to finish burning so that I can watch on my DVD player in the comfort of my own bed before I sleep.) But look at the grueling number of hours my computer has to work through the nights for them, the number of msn messages I've ignored every morning I wake up to, and O... all those electricity bills... (but I don't pay for those, so that's ok.) Still, life is tough. I need money to buy my veniezia ice cream.. And what if I lose my mahjong games? Like how I lost that bet about the French Open today. What then? How am I going to pay for my cab fares?

Ok. Burn's done. And I'm officially dumping 'Lost' for 'Heroes'. Sorry Sawyer. I'm sad to have you leave me, and your lousy producers drag you down that 'forever-gonna-stay-mysterious' island. Allow my heroes put me to sleep tonight. For I need courage to work the next day.

P/S: Please pray for this sim's sin to be purged of unforgiving sorrow, and for my Ouxiang's win to triumph over Serena tomorrow.

Justine Henin
6pm SCV ch22. French Open. woohoo~

P/P/S: And I'm still jealous Jan share the same birthday as her on the 1st of June. But Happy Belated Birthday to you anyway. I was busy with work that day/night. I'm really sorry (and sad that) I missed (out on)the celebration.

K. My heroes are waiting for me. Ciaoz.

Oh, you mean I have a choice?

2007-05-24T00:07:00.000+08:00

Many times people pass judgments too quickly, failing to see the other side of the story.

Many times stubbornness leads to misunderstandings and we piss off one another.

But the worst thing one can do is walking away, just 'cos she/he has given up trying...
and the closer the friend, the more it hurts.

There's always a giver and taker in any kind of relationship. You give some, you take some. Then sometimes, so much is taken and you don't realise it until you are already empty. What is there left to give? What is there left to hold on to? And this is the reason why people harden. The natural defence mechanism.

I was told (or so I thought) my greatest gift and asset is being able to soften that shell over and over again. Just so I could be able to trust, to be able to love, to be able to give. Then there comes a time where I'm emptied and I find no other sources to draw that energy from. And I begin to doubt my 'gift'. Perhaps I should be just a bit more selfish, just a bit more vindictive, just a bit more cunning. Ignorance, naivety and oblivion surely isn't bliss.

_______________________________

I should just explain the scenario here, as I've been speaking in abstracts, and before that leads to anymore complications. Let me assure you that I'm not talking about anybody in particular. Just personal experiences (and some other friends') in general.

My anger has passed along with a few rantings.

If I had just gone back home straight after work, I wouldn't have a night of thinking to get through with. But then very 'smart' me recalled that Zoom has a game, so I changed my bus at Toa Payoh and got down to Kallang to support the team. Doesn't help that I was given into temptation to train with the younger ones. Doesn't help that their over-enthusiasm moved me. Doesn't help that my nsl team didn't make it into the top 4. Doesn't help that the Opens just returned from Samoa and are enjoying a movie at the cinema during the same time. Doesn't help that I'm not going to be in the World Champs team yet I'm doing weights to bulk up anyhow. Doesn't help that I have hormonal imbalance. Doesn't help the way that I'm treated during trainings. Doesn't help that the national coach allows the 'non-selected' and 'non-nsl-playing' to train with their clubs. Doesn't help that I'm in 'Air'. Doesn't help that hairline fractures are forming within the club. Doesn't help that my friends don't understand the situation. Doesn't help that people only see what they want to see. Doesn't help that I failed to fight for what I need, such nonsense I had to endure.

But it did help that I took the courage to pen this down in my otherwise pretty 'clean' blog. It will help if I know friends are willing to try and understand even if they couldn't make it alright. It will help knowing that once I go to sleep, tomorrow will be a better day.

P/S: I typed the title when I was still out of sorts. Perhaps I do have the choice, but I just lacked the courage.

Lovey Dovey

2007-05-16T00:21:00.000+08:00

People, I'm in love. Not with ice cream, not with netball, not with diving... =) But first, let me talk abt my dive expedition.

Aside from names like Xena and Chihuahua, I earned a new alias, spiderwoman. In conjunction with the movie Spiderman 3 and in effort to raise its box office ranking after numerous critics and disappointments. Heh heh. Yea right. A diver named me that for walking around with my full body rashguard (aka bodysuit). He initially thought I was trying to flaunt my shapely figure with that body hugging suit, when in fact, I just wanted to keep the sandflies away. (The sandflies there are vicious. They literally feast on you.)

For the very 1st night dive that I led, we saw 2 cuttlefishes and a cute little boxfish. On top of that there were a number of eye candies.. the weekend had a whole group of 'angmohs'. I think they are either from UK's navy or army. There's one tt looks like Brandon Fraser, one that looks like that lead actor doctor from LOST, one that looks like Boromir from LOTR. For a while, I thought I was in Hollywood. LOL. Too bad I didn't get any of their contacts. O.. I saw 2 shooting stars on the boat ride there as well. It is one sweet escapade on temptation island! Muahahah.

Right right. All the above doesn't relate to the post title. The biggest surprise lay ahead when I came back from the trip.

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My sis got a DOG!!! It's so cute, I fell in love with it immediately. =) Talk about love at first sight. Muahaha. Been dropping by my sis's place every night ever since.

It's so small in my hands la~! Couldn't resist giving it a smooch. Hee.
Its name is Dovey. But I prefer to call it, 'Dobby' the house..... dog.
Cute ain't it?

Dovey (pronounced as 'DOE-VI' or dobby) is a female silky terrier. Though silky terriers ain't my fav. breed, Dovey is just irresistable la. She's 2months and 3 days old. And she'll grow old with me. Gee. I never knew I'm this lesbo.

Anyone who wants to see Dobby must make appointment in advance. Comes with a free night of stay over at my place. Food, accomodation, entertainment and mahjong included. *Depends on availability and first-come-first-serve basis. Act fast, before the open team comes back.

Till then, spiderman. Saturday, 19th May.

P/S: Another failed attempt at singing along with my hubby. But nevertheless, KL, this one is for you. =)

Revitalised

2007-05-10T02:33:00.000+08:00

=) I'm back for Nike trainings after sooo long.. I have so much fun playing in a less stressful environment. So much fun shouting and jumping in the circle. I'm glad, I'm glad. I'm revitalised! Though I could do with more good conversations with the few of them. Especially Air would be playing National League far far away. Hopefully this 2 weeks will be enough time for me to recharge my interest and I'll be able to compete in the opens with renewed energy. Hmmmm....

Guess I'm not all that bitter about Samoa afterall, I needed this much more.

P/S: Dearest Inky, forgive my ignorance, really wish you could join us for training. I know you're busy and things ain't easy. But you're always on my mind. May this knowledge alone give you peace. JIA YOU!

Though this pic has got nothing to do with nike, and boy do I look fugly... It's 'Grouppix Galore' and everyone else looks nice(on Liyana's 21st-'anything-goes'-birthday. HAHA)

Until then, spiderman.

remember what 'Gracias' stands for.

2007-05-06T01:37:00.000+08:00

ok. i'm being an idiot. jus needed to rant, to indulge myself. i'm ok now. Instead of looking at whoever that don't believe in me, I'm not doing justice to those who do. I have a 'fan club' and a number '1' fan after all. And these are the people who make me sane.

Since everyone else is ranting, why should I care?

2007-05-06T01:03:00.000+08:00

I want to say this. I'm pissed. Life ain't easy. I ain't forever the optimist. I'm sad now, but I'll be happy tomorrow. If not, there's always the day after tomorrow. Nevertheless, just let me rant 'cos this is my turf and I say what I want regardless of whoever who reads this. I don't care if you think I'm childish or whatsoever. I dare you to judge me.

All because my wardrobe is pissing me off, while I'm scrounging for a non-existent tee which I lent to somebody and I can't remember who, and I don't have it with me, so I'm sure whoever borrowed it didn't return me, else I only have myself to blame. And all the ransacking for a damn trip that I ain't going anyway. And all because I'm caught in the middle of nowhere, being an adult where I can't act simply out of my own wishes just 'cos there are so many other underlying consequences you have to consider. And 'cos of people that wear masks and facades. And 'cos of people who don't believe in me. And 'cos I'm constantly trying to prove something and netball is not fun anymore. And 'cos I didn't tear for a teammate whom I thought I really care about and it makes me doubt my genuineness since everyone else is crying. And 'cos I have traded old friends for new ones and I want the old ones back. And 'cos I really hate feeling obligated. And 'cos I'm not 'free' anymore. Because... because...

o. What the hell? This will pass. Sleep it through. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Peace.

April Agony

2007-04-30T01:14:00.000+08:00

Right. Even the blind knows that NSL season ain't exactly exciting for me. Needless to say, National stuff (team & league). Very fortunately, April is coming to an end. May there('ll) be a new start. Family is off to Malaysia till the 1st, May they be shocked by my new haircut. Wonder why I'm not there gambling life away instead of here playing my heart out - when it all amounts to nothing in the end. (quoted from a favorite song). At least I get to be the 'Qying' (pronounced as queeng) of the house now. Heh heh. Although I just lost a sock to a non-existent neighbor's balcony living a few floors down while hanging up the laundry. And that my friend, is how the sides of your socks keep missing. Maybe you ought to check your neighbor's balcony.

A good friend just reminded me of a quirk I used to have - eating pencil leads. Muahaha.. I kinda remember how they tasted in secondary school. Quite nice actually. Apparently, we were both depressed then. It was one of those things like if she carved herself up like wood relief, I'll poison myself like Juliet (& Romeo). And you thought you had it bad in secondary school. But hey, I probably needed extra iron/magnesium/lead in my system anyway. Speaking of weird eating habits, I recalled trying hamster's biscuits (on a dare). And I've eaten other weird stuff as well - though none as potent as pencil leads - like flower petals (when my sister was doing still-life painting). But that was only 'cos my sis said those were edible flowers. (I mean, chrysanthemum is a flower too, right?) Guess I've been a hungry kid since young. I should join that chef on discover travel and living channel that goes around the world eating weird stuff. The 'BHP' blood courses through my veins. - Life is short. Enjoy food. (Btw, today's dingtaifeng xiaolongbao was EXCELLENT, so was the yummy choc and icecream - although it doesn't compare to my love...) Thanks to skinny beauty, slim and kl - with their stomach of such small capacity - for their kind donation of glorious food. I'm not sorry for you having a friend like me.

I'm being crazily random. Was sounding a tat bit too pessimistic just now, so trying my hand at funny. Alas, I'm a failed comedian. I should be a scarecrow.

For now I'm just looking forward to the things lined up in May. Leave all my anguish in April. Going to get a life and... ... work. (starts tomorrow, so I better sleep early.) Set my biological clock right and go through the routined life.

O well. One needs to work to earn $$ right? One needs $$ to travel around right? One needs mundaneness to appreciate freedom once in a while right? And most importantly, one needs $$ to eat. =P And that is a statement. Not a question.

May'll be good. May'll be good. May'll be good.

P/S: Thanks Thrillogists for bearing with my outbursts. Thank you my other friends for listening. (even the one overseas who, may I add, pops by my blog occasionally to listen to my beautiful singing). muahahaha Honored am I the slacker who posts at a rate of 1/36days even when my fat ass is bumming around at home. =)

July Joy

2007-03-25T04:46:00.000+08:00

Everybody listen up. This year, July is gonna be BIG. On the 21st of July, I may disappear from the face of earth for some time... God knows if you'll ever see me again if J.K Rowling murders another fav. character in the Deathly Hallows. I could fall into depression forever. I only pray that 13th of July's the Order of Phoenix would give me enough hope to carry on...

If you still dunno what I'm talking about, you ought to kill yourself. HARRY POTTER, friend, HARRY POTTER! I've just watched the latest trailer. Not anything too promising, (since nothing beats the Sorcerer's Stone) but still.. it's HARRY POTTER! And if the movie sucks this time, at least I've got Ralph Fiennes to oggle at (even though he may be the bad guy) since Daniel Radcliffe has been turning uglier. Hah.

Link to the official site.

OK. My outburst on Harry Potter is over. was a little carried away watching the trailer. Quite some things happened recently, too many things in fact. So here are the highlights. Let me share my other Joy. I've received my results and I'm REALLY REALLY going to graduate this time! =D So now I've the time to do all the stuff that i want to. Play, Dive, and.. (er.. work?).. Will be eating, sleeping, dreaming netball till I get sick of it. (NSL season couldn't have fallen on a better timing! ;P) But must also start scrounging for jobs as well.. The figures in my bank account is falling at an alarming rate, especially this being the month of birthdays and I happened to be Santa Claus's daughter without the cash. KKKL, since you are holding on to my wallet, be kind enough to slip some cash in, "accidentally", like how I left it in your bag the first place. Just Kidding... I'll give you my bank account number instead. Safer transaction. =P

Pacman! You said you'll email me from 'God-knows-where-you-are'. But I haven't heard anything from you yet. I do hope you have the heart to drop by here to read this post and be reminded wherever you are. if there is internet access.. ...hmmm ... o well. Better be back by 21st of July anyhows. I need a counselor in times of crisis. Hope all's well for you there. I will miss you as long as this coffee-burn-scar on my stomach remains (cos by the time it fades, you ought to be back!). Why couldn't it be a lightning scar on the forehead? WHY?

be back soon...

P/S: MoZ and Zpig. If you watch NSL with me, I'll watch Harry Potter with you. Cheer for me on the stands, who's sitting on the bench, cheering for my teammates, who are playing on the court. HAHA. I'll watch it with you no matter what... How can I possibly break the tradition?

P.P/S: 300 is a hilarious movie. KKKL + Candy are good company. And liyana today you look very pretty. Happy advance birthday birdie!

Ends & Beginnings.

2007-03-04T03:21:00.000+08:00

Sorry moZ, I promised to update at the start of the year along with resolutions and what not. But.. look how long it's been. Need to include that in the resolutions as well. Allow me to defend myself. I spent 2hrs typing in blogger when darn internet explorer crashed. I felt utterly defeated by technology, I refused to blog again. On top of that, I'd been pretty busy. School attachment took up most of my days. Trainings took up most of my nights. Catching up with friends and school shit took up most of the time left. So here I am, finally. after all the portfolio and projects...

Yes, my attachment has ended. Met many interesting people but I suppose I didn't stay long enough to know them properly. Parting is always such sweet sorrow. No.. I don't like to say goodbyes. Never been good at it. How do you know when to not turn back and steal a last glance? How do you know when to break that eye contact? Hmmm... I don't like to feel like a socialite. Been having this problem the past few months especially in the past year 2006.. - birthday bash, Christmas and new year gatherings, etc., letting the word 'love' linger around my lips once too often. So overused is the word that I feel it's losing its value. Cards and messages signing off with love and love and love.. So when do I really meant what I said?....

Few weeks ago, I was running low on fuel and self esteem when too much shit happened altogether. But thankfully, they were all resolved in time. Netball was, for a while, not quite the familiar game I play anymore. But I now foresee that NSL will change that. Almost lost my footing some time ago before the holidays salvaged me, it made me resented the urban life and the lack of time. Maybe it was the train ride to work every morning in the underground, or maybe it was the lack of sleep. I felt like a rat in a tunnel that never got to see daylight. Didn't really help that the office doesn't have proper windows. So God knows what the weather and time it is out there. Luckily I had fun colleagues with the capability to chase away the blues, and alas, the comfort of food. Muahahah. (but of course, the music too.) Despite that, I still needed my dose of good conversations with close friends. Life is much too fragile to be wasting time away. (so tell me again, what the hell am I still doing in school?)

Gee. Boy aren't I glad I'm done with DMD! The 5 friggin' years of juggling act made me feel like a clown... I do hope those dreadful days are over. NYP, just give me that bloody piece of paper, will ya?!

I couldn't be grateful enough to all those who have helped me up along the way when all I did was kept tripping over the same stone. Do join me in my 'Diploma Cert. Burning' session when I have received that wretched paper in my hands. Mwahahaha! Serious, if I pass all my modules successfully... this calls for a celebration, dear friends.

The future looks bright. Where shall I go from now? =)

P/S: My 2nd sis, Elaine, got married. =) So, so happy, happy, happy for her.

Now, This is what I call 'love'.

Merry X'mas

2006-12-22T14:32:00.000+08:00

Gracias - because there are so many things to be thankful about.

This is the season to be giving, to be sharing. You have the means to make someone's day, to bring just a bit of sunshine into their lives during this rainy season. You can find love in the simplest and purest form everywhere. Take a look around you. I'm talking about family and friends.
- Mum nagging at me ceaselessly every morning to get out of bed, be it how much I hate it.. even to the extent of calling home from work to make sure I'm well on my way to work.
- Dad's timely delivered breakfast every single day, so much so that any other time when I don't see breakfast on the table, it gets on my nerves.
- Sis's annoying visits to my room to irritate the hell out of me though she may have simply wanted to chat up.
These little acts of love that I take for granted all the time... And many, many other moments from friends that show 'oh so much love'... especially during the teen bit of difficult time I had briefly. Gracias could never be a more appropriate nick indeed 'cos I'll be forever thankful to the people with their undying love and support.

I may not believe that everything happens for a reason (especially the bad ones), but I believe in having the power to make the best out of every situation. Once you do that, you naturally are able to grow wiser, make better decisions, maybe even learn to let go. In turn, when you look back, it makes the phrase - that everything happens for a reason - very true. The reason being that you can lead a better life than before, by doing something about it. Just have to open up your mind, take a step back and look with a different perception. And so I've learnt...

This Christmas, I may be empty in the pockets but I'm filled to the brim in the heart. Be forewarned, it means I really don't have money to buy you christmas presents this year. Don't take it personally. Gifts received that comes from the heart are the ones that count, ain't it? .. better still to get cards or letters, the old-fashioned way on cheesy paper, written with coloured pens and heartfelt words. ;)

Gracias again. Have a merry christmas filled with joy and love.

He ain't heavy, he's my guitar.

2006-11-18T23:59:00.000+08:00

Singing makes me feel so good and right now I'm in a rhythming mood...

=)

Walking home is a mini journey,
I would sing aloud my melody,
Reminiscing your company...
Take my guitar, sing with me.
We shall sit along the beach.
I will learn as you teach.
Listen to my lousy strumming.
With no lyrics we'll keep humming.
Our mat's lined up with glorious food,
Life can't ever get this good.
Spokes could drain my strength away
Songs will keep me happy and gay
Under the starlight we may lay
Basking in my sunshine I shall stay.
So to you beautiful people I say,
Thank you for a wonderful saturday!

Amazying 21st.

2006-11-06T06:06:00.000+08:00

After 3 months of posting drought, I'm finally back. It doesn't mean that nothing significant happened over the course of these 3 months (far from it in fact). It simply means that I'm either too busy or too lazy to translate my ever-changing thoughts into words, mostly the latter. However, this is a very different occasion. =P

Obviously this entry is not posted on the 06/11/06 -I'm already dead beat by then- but who can ever leave this significant date out? heeheehee 5 more days and 5 more years huh? Lucky my parents don't know english that well. It's no secret by now after Shuangru's 'tell-it-all' dvd.. not that I'm complaining. It's too wonderful a gift for me to have any protest against, despite the very 'revealing' shots and shoots.

This 21st birthday party is really huge! I had the socialite jitters at the beginning, having to run around entertaining different groups of people, making sure everyone is comfortable, fear of being a bad host. I probably could have done a better job introducing people to each other if I wasn't so busy. Can you believe, I, Gracias Sim the Gluttony, did not eat anything at all through the night?!.. oh well, partly 'cos I was going to burst that piece of spilling corset coupled with my running around. Meldy's jacket came in very handy at one point in time, till I was ordered to strip. I bet it couldn't be too boring a night for anyone - after all, there was food, a striptease show, a raunchy video, and of course, a very 'soft' live performance (which may I add, required quite some courage). The first time 'Ms-Singapore-Idol-reject' had this much audience to perform to.. although the limelight was stolen by my dad - "平时讲话那么大声，现在这么小声!" (normally talk so loud, now sing so soft) Haha. I love my dad. How he calmed my nerves with his timely antic. For those who didn't catch the song.. Here it is again..still a little soft and out of tune. As you can hear, my guitar skills could do with some practise as well. Oh but give me some credit, would ya? It's 2am in the morning now. I really don't need the police knocking on my door 'cos of my neighbour's complaint.... again.. -private joke- Heh.

TK Anthem!

A big 'Thank You' to those who came, made my day and shared my joy. As I have said, seldom do I get these different people (though most were netballers) from very different aspects of my life to come together - (and everyone knows how much I dread 'THE' School of Design), makes it feel surreal, yet so real at the same time. So from the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for 'gracing' my party, especially my dearest family, cousins and friends (you know who you are) for helping me this way and that, and -more importantly-, for loving me so selflessly. Even though I'm no christian, I still believe that I truly am blessed. You guys are my angels in disguise. =)

Gracias so so very much..

P/S: Really wished some of you (BHPs & TKGians are never forgotten) who couldn't make it were there to share my joy. No matter, we shall create more happiness ahead with time well spent.

______________________________

Angel in Disguise
Corrinne May

I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and i stumbled out of bed and
dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose
and a note that said 'Somebody loves you'

But out on the street it starts to pour
and before i get soaking wet,
A total stranger runs to give me
the jacket off his back
I turn around to thank him
But he waves me with a smile
I can hardly believe my eyes
He puts on a halo and starts to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Dont need to look at paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise

I met a good friend for lunch
and we had a delicious meal
But i forgot to bring my wallet
I felt like an imbecile
But she was sweet, she gave me a treat and
Bought me a chicken sandwich
To take home for tea

But out of the street with nothing to eat
A man and his shopping cart go
Travelling to places
Collecting social graces
I give him my sandwich
and we chatter for a while
I see a rainbow wash over his eyes
He gives me his halo and
I start to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise
Don't try to hide away from me
I know you're by my side

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise
Everyday can be legendary
Every minute, an endless surprise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

I woke up this morning
Feeling kind of new.

Counting my blessings

2006-08-14T04:22:00.000+08:00

Amid the sea of scavengers, Navarro's shirt was destined to be mine. the shirt was tossed into the air by the Most Valuble Player of the Singapore Philips Cup, volleying over the heads of those crazy supporters who were blocking my way to the front and sailed right into my outstretched hand where i was standing in space minding my own business. It was as if the shirt was shunning the violence of the overenthusiatic fans (there were these fanatics that actually dove at me. - all these seemed to happen in slow motion, like those you'll see from the movies- ). With my instinctive netball skills, i grabbed the shirt as it sunk at my fingertips and pulled it into my cowered body, ready to defend the prize with my back. ah~ the precision of a world class basketballer's pass, complemented by an amazing defensive move of a local netballer. HAHA. all this... even though i was a supporter of the opposing team, argentina (cos of the jersey color) .. Muahahah~ but...it ain't too late for me to convert a spain supporter. afterall.. i do happen to have a spanish name. (i think~) shld hav said 'gracias' to navarro when he signed the shirt for me..

Number 7 Navarro's sweaty shirt on me. Muahahah.

Oh. the shirt was still wet when i grabbed it... and disgusting as it may sound, it happens to carry navarro's scent (i'm most probably just going to air dry it). HEEHEE~ i just had to put it on outside the stadium to fashion parade in. (despite shuang's advices to be wary of those over-zealous fans - she was afraid that i might get robbed. WAAHAHA!)

It's funny how exhilarated I felt then when i received the shirt. I wasn't exactly crazy over Navarrno.. I was incredulous at how lucky i am to receive such a gift that everyone else was vying at. So incredulous, i turned into a Navarrno supporter almost at an instant. HAHA! i began scrounging for his info cos' I knew nuts about him. And there was this initial high when the proximity of this famed basketballer was still fresh in my mind. HAHA. I guess it's the kind of 'high' that make fans go crazy. The endless pursuit of something a little insane to keep life from being mundane.

Must thank Zinping for convincing me to go witness professionials playing basketball live. It really is a sight to behold - not just watching amazing skills and tricks - but receiving the Most Valuble Player's shirt as well. HAHA. Now that IS really an experience in a lifetime. Muahaha. Even I don't get to change other 'not-so-famous-athletes'' shirt at the Commonwealth Games.

Lucky lucky ME~ what a way to embrace the start of my 3week holidays... after finally clearing the shitload pile of tedious assignments. What a way to celebrate the end of the cursed module that I've failed the past 3 times. I was so happy to dump the completed 2danimation into the assignment drive on that friday night, I kept smiling to myself on my way home. HAHA. Lucky I was taking the midnight cab. Bus passengers would have asked the bus uncle to drive me to woodbridge.

Before you question my sanity, let me tell you.. The last two weeks were really hell in school. I almost had no life. There was this day that I stayed overnight in school to complete 2 assignments due the following damned day, and other nights that I returned home at 10odd pm. And though I'm complaining here.. I actually had friends that stayed over in school for the whole week.. even through National Day! Now that is the sad life of a design student that I don't intend to pursue.

HAHA. MoZy's birthday happened to fall at the right time just for me to catch a breather. I haven't been exercising for the past two weeks, hopefully ice-skating is considered excercising eh? The endorphins one gets from sports is really revitalizing. We had close encounters with dinosaurs at our every exclusive 'hang-out' place as well. Heehee. -Zee Zcience Zentre-! The next best alternative to a 'time-travel' machine. Visit the place and feel young again -> down memory lane~.=)

Oohooh~ and of course, how can I forget that wonderful Saturday night..? It's been a long time since I've seen such a huge crowd of singaporeans gathered together at one place. Quite a nice atmosphere. Sometimes experience with crowds can be uplifting. (like christmas.) Everybody simultaneously tilting their heads skywards at the slightest hint of any commotion, ready to see the pretty pretty meteorites falling from the sky in the form of fireworks. Team France didn't disappoint. The series of colorful explosions in the sky put the stars to shame. There's the green 'Dark Mark', golden 'Ferrero Rocher', curly wurly 'twister fries', revived 'branching tree', rainbow specks.. etc etc. We even had some leftovers from the fireworks raining on our heads. Some ash got stuck in my hair, lucky it didn't start a fire. The last thing I need is an afro do. Speaking of which.. my hair is really growing into a forest. I've finally decided to go and rebond my hair after contemplating for so many years. HAHA.

So far.. my 2days of holiday have been extremely fufilling. Hopefully the rest of the week(s) will be as promising. =) I'll be going Malaysia tomorrow. Be back on Thurs, (with my rebonded hair). HAHAHa. Stay tuned.

Lost

2006-07-24T16:10:00.000+08:00

Currently, my posting frequency is 1 entry per month. Been a little busy lately. Either I've been staying in school till late rushing assignments or I've been getting lost in lost. *(Oh~ How I am in love with Sawyer.)

lost in 'Lost'.

I have this habit of blogging really outdated stuff - events that seem to matter quite a bit during that period - but as time goes by, it isn't as important anymore. Talking 'bout my HDD crashing. Really heartaching to have all my personal documents and pictures -commonwealth games, training trips and tours, scenery, birthdays, coaching, diving, that 'perfect' one - all gone, lost, lost, lost. Then again, I think to myself, how often do I pull out those documents/pictures to read and see anyway. Maybe it really is time to put down those excess baggage and place my focus in the future. Too much of a 'down-memory-lane' person I am. The essence of these memories will be in my head and I might even beautify it further with my imagination, so it's physicalities shouldn't matter, right? =P But still can't help feeling *sim tiarh. Ho-hum. Let it be.

Shuangru's birthday just passed yesterday. We had this brief dinner on the 22nd. I realised I'm not much of a party organiser, never been. Try too hard to cater to everyone's requests, I think. Not that my friends are demanding, just that I'm not 果断 (decisive) enough. Have you ever had this feeling that - at times, you hear so many voices (no doubt with good intentions), you can't hear your own? Oh well, I get that once in a while. Think everybody does. Maybe I need some time to myself, yet strangely, ain't that what I've been getting for the past week in school? Sitting in front of the comp, staring, till I lose track of time. Guess time alone to 'ponder' and 'work' is very different.

I feel a little like a 'castaway' nowadays. Too much school I think. I get such extreme focus and solitude, I can't transition in time to be the livewire that I usually am with friends when we hang out together. Even when I do, something tells me I'm talking too much and trying too hard. A bit of a blabbermouth, really, now that I reflect upon my conversation with the young and 'lively' one in school especially. Like those 'high-school' bimbo - green with envy, yet pals all the same. Facades, facades...

But all is not lost. I've recognised when I talk incessantly and for the sake of polite conversation.. in time, I'll master the technique of listening carefully, thinking thoroughly before speaking intelligently like how Daries does so well. I wonder though, it would be awfully tiresome to have the wheels in your brain churning all the time, wouldn't it? Whatever happened to 'ignorance is bliss'? Such irony - life so simple can be easily complicated. It's all in our heads, ain't it?

Of course, life would be terribly boring if there're weren't any 'downs' to contrast the 'ups' against, wouldn't it? Despite my laments, I have my fair share of joy for the past month as well. =)

Liling's birthday just passed not too long ago. I was truly happy to see the many faces I haven't seen a long time since - Yiqi with her quiet yet supportive demeanor, consistent as always (a bit like Melis), Grace Ho's entertaining mix of 'bluriness' & 'bubbliness', Serene's ceaseless enthusiam, Weiqi's amusing bluntness.. etc, etc. Fun Fun Fun! And of course the heartwarming scenes brought upon by the handmade scrapbook, complete with lovely notes and pictures. Nostalgic! Speaking of which I experienced by the torrents as I wandered the grounds of TKGS some weeks back, having to takeover Rachel for a coaching session.

Seeing the young tkgians playing on the court we used to dominate, I relived the past memories as vivid as if they were yesterday. Images of the past played out in front me as I strolled the school grounds. It feels very much like watching the typical musicvideos broadcasted repeatedly for the national day campaign. ~*so aksyuen I was so overwhelmed then.. that I actually took out my handphone to record my rudimentary thoughts as I passed each familiar place. Even that sounded very much like lyrics out of a national day song. In conjunction with our nation's 41st birthday approaching, I might as well share that saved message then and we can all laugh at my elementary english. Who knows, someone famous might just stumble on this blog, gain inspiration and write a song out of it! HAHA.~ So here goes...

This was where I scored my 3pointer
This was where I jumped 4 metres
This was where I played the piano
This was where I received my exam papers
This was where I walked into the pillar twice
This was where I tripped countless times
This was where we had our 'frank' talks
This was where we played our morning game
This was where we did the extra gym sessions
This was where we ran our 2.4k route
This was where we shared tears and laughter
Where dreams were a reality
Where I grew up from a kid
Where I lived virtually carefree days
Where I truly ate, dreamt and slept Netball
Where memories run deep and still touch my heart when I recall them

_______________________________________

Mind you, I was overflowing with emotions when I typed it in my phone, you wouldn't expect me to be in a lyrical mood. Does sound a bit corny now that I reread it. HAHA. Oh well. At least it gives a certain sense of realism.

Really miss those days.

Can't wait to catch up with the bunch of tkgians.

Can't wait to set foot on court and play a 轰轰烈烈 game of netball. (like those in India now)

Can't wait to go diving and befriend the fishes.

Can't wait for the rush of endorphins needed to break out of this routine of slouching in front of the computer

Can't wait, Must run!

stilldent

2006-06-29T01:48:00.000+08:00

2 months came and passed. Term break came and passed. Dive & plans, along with promises, were made and unfufilled. Amazing how when you look back, time seems to be short. When you are living the waiting, time is long. When assignments are due, time is short. When joining a queue, time is long. (*Muahaha.. think i'm trying too hard to 'rap')

Anyway, I've survived 2 months plus of school and counting.. Assignments and workloads have been building up steadily. Got my first B+ grade in a year(?) [Note that I haven't really been schooling for the past year]. HAHA. Now that's something to be happy about. I'm catching the momentum to study once again after sieving through many sorts of distractions (and yes, i miss netball).

Few weeks ago, problem kid me had to see the school counselor again upon Kate's request. I'm not complaining though. It did do me good in many ways. People usually stereotype that only screwed up people visit counselors. Hee~ (maybe i'm screwed up to you la) But talking to the counselor really opened up my mind. This councelor is amazing. 2hours with her made me feel like we've been old friends. She can easily point out causes to problems which I've never realised. And the fact that she's a stranger, it allows you to speak your mind because at the end of the day, it's a non-committal friendship. No worries about anyone judging you. ~Woohoo!~

So my friend, stop running in circles. When in doubt, see a counselor. Heh~

Crash and Burn

2006-05-22T12:16:00.001+08:00

My favorite video of all time (besides Coldplay's - the Scientist). And also one of my favorite songs. Loved the surrealism of the video and certain quotes on communication and relationships. 'We scream to avoid suffering in silence.'

The way I see it, the video is about this girl (who by the way, really looks like the english version of Maggie Q) locked up in an asylum and projecting her disarrayed thoughts about the cynical truth of life. There's this 'sign language' part at the end of the video that really touches me. It brings across this message that at times when everyone else is talking incessantly and words are just too much to bear, action truly speaks louder. It has a 'Girl Interrupted' feel to it. Listen to the lyrics. Meaningful. =)

I think the girl is actually mute (from the use of sign language) which explains why she feels so misunderstood and outcasted. Then the last quote of 'Communicate Anyway, Anyhow' shows how actions can transcend everything else. There's a lot of hidden messages other than the ones I mentioned in the video. Look deeper. Hope you enjoyed the video as much as I did.

"Savage Garden - Crash And Burn"

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

And there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

- Relationships are a series of complex games.

Back from Tinggi.. yet again.

2006-05-16T14:47:00.000+08:00

Somersaulting into the pool.

A half Back-flip.

Hi I'm back. Safe and sound but scratched (-on the legs, that is- by corals). =) Diving may be a good form of escapade indeed, but there are just certain responsibilities that I can't escape from. Even in 'Dream Island' (Pulau Tinggi), there's no time for me to be dreaming. As a Divemaster Trainee, not only I have to learn to handle logistics, deal with demanding requests, give debriefs and guide divers -in and out of water-, the hardest part -in my opinion- is having to appear confident and assuring even though, being inexperienced, I'm uncertain and scared as hell on the inside (take my haunting Hantu expedition into account).

Take for example, on my 1st trip to Tinggi (13th-16th April), after a 5 month diving drought, I was told to lead a group of leisure divers in a new dive site that I've never been to, without a compass or dive computer, without any guide from my senior divemaster.. inexperience aside, throw in a fussy doctor and an 'impossible-to-navigate-soccer-field-seabed', I'm on my way to disaster faster than I can say 'no' to my divemaster when she told me to lead the leisure divers in front of everyone. Best of all, I had to act nonchalant and look all-confident about being delegated the nobel task for my debut dive as part of the divemaster attachment. I seriously ought win the Oscar for my excellent acting - Move aside, Reese Witherspoon!

Needless to say, I received complaints for my lack of professionalism during the execution of the dive as it fell way short of the standards of the expectant doctor and 'oh-so-perfect' foresights of the senior divemaster. Utterly discouraged, I certainly didn't enjoy my subsequent dives throughout the whole of that day. In fact, during the whole trip, I was keener to put as much distance between Mr. Doctor and myself as I possibly could. There were so much to learn in my 1st attachment, I felt ill-prepared and resented the feeling of being 'pushed into the fire pit' (as the chinese saying goes). Though I must admit, it is a rather effective way of bringing out my survival instincts and putting my tolerance for stress to the test. I did manage to lead a dive sucessfully on the 2nd day's 2nd dive. Afterall, the visibility wasn't exactly all that clear and I had eleven divers under my care, none of whom got lost (of course, thanks to senior DM Ryan chasing the sheep right behind the group). To top it off, I saw a stingray despite the near 'Hantu-like' waters. =)

As if to compensate me for my exasperation from the first day, I led Mr. Goh and his family (incl. 2 young boys, mind you) to a pretty nice dive site near the shore. It's especially rewarding when I heard praises of the site when we surfaced. Luckily the jetty was in sight and not very far away. I still wasn't very sure of my navigation (without a compass).

I must confessed though, rewarding they may be, my happiest achievement for my debut Tinggi trip wasn't from diving in the open waters, reason being - the high level of anxiety I carry into the waters for fear of getting the people I was leading lost along with me. Also, I didn't manage to see the exotic marine life the others claimed to see. My happiest achievement is my successful acrobat stunt somersaulting forwards and backwards into the pool! (See pic above). It's something I've always wanted to master. The adrenaline rush of sailing through the air is almost equal to the feeling of intercepting an impossibly high pass in a game of netball, just like flying~. Previously, I could only throw myself into the air from the Dayang jetty and hit the water lamely. Now I'm almost an olympic gymnast! 10 points! Hawhawhaw!

But of course, with my skills honed 'guerilla-style' from the first Tinggi trip, the diving experience during this second Tinggi trip is definitely more enjoyable. I saw more exotic marine life (huge marble ray, hermit crab, trumpet fish and what not), explored previously unchartered dive sites with fascinating terrain (Ivan's cave), almost could have done cave diving - which I vow to do the next time I visit the site again (must master the correct finning method in order not to stir up the sediments in a tight cave though) -, and best of all, I was praised this time for being a responsible divemaster (be it from a freelance instructor) - well, no complaints about me this time, at least. =P

As I go blabbering on about diving, let me assure you-the-one-who-are-concerned-about-me (either that or you, the individual who is just plain bored with nothing else better to do), I am studying hard and have been keeping up with my work. Also, diving doesn't require as much time, effort and commitment as netball. I do need an outlet for my extra hyperactiveness. But dear netballers, fear not, my passion for the game will never fade. If anything, I'll come back with more fervor. Afterall, abscence only makes the heart grow fonder. ;P (*mona lisa secret smile, my friends - remember to watch the Da Vinci Code!)

Till then.

a big break.

2006-04-23T22:14:00.000+08:00

Hey guys, I'm pretty sure it's no secret now 'bout me withdrawing from the U21s team. It feels just a bit weird to not step into KNC and I'm kinda missing the game already. Guess it's a matter of getting used to. (shuang, we'll have a big break together.) I'm both happy and sad at the same time. Happy, cos' I'm given the opportunity to continue my studies - and I'll make full use of this chance. Sad, cos' I won't be able to play the U21s for the last year that I'm eligible - the director allowed me to continue studies on the condition that I'm to quit the national team. Just a little worried about not being to make it to the opens for the following year when they are playing the World Champs.

For once in my life, I'm taking a big break from Netball, focusing on being a good student and having more time in my hands. - Spending more time with my family and friends (out of the netball scene). It's quite enriching to experience other things as well. Just like how diving eased my woes the last time, I seeked its comfort once again at the turn of the tide - channeling my 'Netball' energy to marvel at the beauty of the deep blue sea. Although diving by itself, proved to have a number of obstacles. Noone said things come easy, but as long as you have the passion, some how you'll find the energy from somewhere to push yourself further. And I'm learning to put more passion into my work as well. =)

I'll talk more about diving in the next post. It's a short escapade with a long story. And I have so much to talk to those who care 'bout me. Thanks guys for all your concern. We must catch up soon.

AmazYing

2006-04-07T20:36:00.000+08:00

Hey guys, thanks for all your concern. I'm a lot better and wiser. Seldom blog personal sob stories unless it's really traumatizing, though I'm really glad to know that there are many people who cares and enlighten me with their different perspectives. I'm never alone. =)

My appeal is still pending. Big shot director wants to see me but he don't have time. So I'm still waiting. Luckily, I'm patient, not sick. Heh heh heh.

Chanced upon this amazing video. Check this out:

And I thought the 1st guy was good... The orange man could be a true robot in disguise. ..He's better than dancing robots, actually.

Bittersweet Return

2006-03-27T20:26:00.000+08:00

To those that are feeling low already, please, please don't read this post, this entry won't run away, you can always read it another time when you're feeling better.

-I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, Inky. I can comprehend your sadness, for being already at the bottom of the pit, I can sink no further.

________________________________________________________

A wave of unexpected nostalgia hit me when I arrived at the airport today. Everyone else had families, friends and loved ones welcoming them home. I felt a bit lost in the transition. I miss my room so much, I miss my family so much. Yet, when I was in Mum's car on the journey back home, I began to miss the life in Melbourne, the experiences I had and the form of escape it offered. Oh~ the irony of it all. Back home, I've the urge to see my friends, friends that I'm happier around with, those who's company are so assuring and comforting, I don't have to feel conscious of myself. But again, back home is where I'll face reality, where I face the media's scrutiny about the team's performance and face an issue I've been avoiding all this time right since I embarked on the journey to the games.

We didn't play badly, we just couldn't sustain the good patches of play that we are capable of. Certainly my prediction in the last post is quite wrong. We lost to St. Vincent & the Grenadines by 6 goals and landed ourselves the last place in the Games. Of course there's great disappointment, yet strange enough, the tears I shed seemed to be of an entirely different matter. These are tears of degeneration, of defeat, of loss, of wrong turns and choices, of self-mutilation. I couldn't pinpoint what my problem was during my escapade trip overseas, why I'm so dazed out of my senses. And now when my mum brought me news in the car, news from school, I knew I've been dreading it subconsciously during the games all along - which is probably the main reason why I couldn't earn respect from my teammates - just cause I have lost respect in myself the first place. I'm a proud person, and this is a huge load (of pride, wasted time and all whatsoever crap) for me to bear. So please, spare all your reprimands (I know I brought it upon myself), your advises, your 'should-have-dones-and-nots'. What I really need is your shoulder and tissues - the melissa way. Let me peace out for the moment.

I'm tired.

Last match in Melbourne

2006-03-24T07:00:00.000+08:00

Playing our last game vs St. Vincent & the Grenadines in bt 3 hours time. Fighting for the spot to NOT be in the last placing for the Commonwealth Games. I'm kinda sure that we will win the game today (hopefully- keeping my fingers crossed), just as sure as I will be warming the bench throughout the entire game. Don't worry, I'm not really complaining. After experiencing the disappointment and witnessing some other couple of negative emotions during the end of Barbados and Wales game, I'm more readily prepared and mentally stronger to handle matters, be it weird or not. So wish us luck for our very last game and that this team will stay strong enough to take things all the way through.

Before I go, I must speak of my experience playing against the Australian Team (even though they didn't put the main lineup). Needless to say, we were thrashed -badly-, as Jeanine puts it, it seemed like they were stealing candy from a baby. Score's 19-107. When I was put on court for the last quart (thankfully), I remembered seeing huge towering yellow pillars. Every 3 strides of mine is equivalent to one of theirs. Every one of them is some heads taller than me. What in the world did they feed on to grow such phenomenal heights? Tall they may be, yet they're extremely agile and lightning fast. It's no wonder so many people idolises them. I was caught lagging behind and chasing most of the time. My only defence is that I was playing Centre (which I played none of even during practice since I first set foot in Melbourne). Utterly bizarre lineup and I was slightly taken aback when doning the bib, though I did manage to keep my composure on court. And of course, I had the honor of collecting the ball from Sharelle Macmohan before every of our centre passes. haw haw haw. Obviously we haven't been putting in goals. Right, before I seem to be condemning my team any further, I thought that we did a pretty good job keeping our grounds. There were very few unforced errors on our part and it was truly the battle of the bodies since both teams' playing styles are almost the same. You'll have the watch the videos to judge for yourself.

Got to go get prepared for our very last game and possibly, first victory. Till then!

Quick update

2006-03-23T19:47:00.000+08:00

hey ppl. sorry. din hav as much time as i wish to update the blog during the games. i shy to keep borrowing laptop from the others.

thanks kl. the wales game was quite a match to watch, so was the barbados game. shall go into details in my next post. thrashed by the aussies today.

yep yolanda, i'll contact u definitely but i lost my M1 SIM card here. so u can only contact me via the free prepaid card they provided (which i can't remember the no now & explains y i haven been replying msgs. ha). I'll sms u soon. mayb tmr after my playoffs in the noon. hope to catch up w u here in Melbourne too!

gtg. till then guys!

International Debut

2006-03-17T20:04:00.000+08:00

As you may have known, today we played a game vs Jamaica (World no. 3). Score's 22-67. No prizes for guessing who's the winner. I thot we did pretty impressively against them. Never expect myself to be playing but I was prepared nevertheless. I didn't get to start but when I was named to go in for the 2nd quart, my own focus and determination overwhelmed all distractions (crowd, cameras, lights, noise, etc) so much so that I'm surprised at myself. I made use of my chances pretty well though I won't say that I played 101% (could have done more), so I won't expect to start tomorrow's lineup vs Samoa (think they are between world no.6-8). Yet, I can say this is the best game I've played so far on the Melbourne trip, partly 'cos I'm motivated by the team, the wonderful atmosphere, and myself. And to top it off, this game is my 1st cap for International Games. How wonderful to make a debut.... At the Commonwealth Games! I'm not a 'virgin' open player anymore. WAHAHAHA!

Oh. Netball aside, let me describe to you about the life in the village here. Other than the free food buffet style (and boy it's difficult to keep my diet under control ard here), free internet access, and cute (sometimes, famous) people to oggle at, it all boils down to self entertainment - There's no TV! (also dunno how I managed to survive this long, boy do I miss HBO and Star movies at home) Heh. Not so bad lar. At least I got to see myself on TV, even though tt'll be the VHS. Hope that Kate can make copies for us so that I can bring home and show everyone!~ Mostly between trainings, games, breaks, meals and recoveries, we gamble to pass time. We are the Singapore Bridge Team, I tell you. Almost everyone in our team has learnt bridge 'cos we keep going at it again and again and again.. It's highly addictive. (and I'm sure Slim will agree with that) Even Liling has picked up game, after I tried to explain the rules to her in my half past six mandarin. Right. It's late over here already. Got to tackle Samoa tmr. Will report my progress when I have the time.

Till then, thanks for checking back and all your kind wishes and messages. (KK, you know I'm talking about you.) Ciao.

5th day in Melbourne.

2006-03-15T21:38:00.000+08:00

This is gonna be a real short entry due to time constraints. Some updates on how I'm doing here in Melbourne. Will include photos when I have the time. Jus came back from the opening ceremony today. Delta Goodrem was singing on stage and the Queenie Elizabeth was there (too bad Prince William or Harry ain't). HAHA. we waved at her. tons of beautiful fireworks that looked like the meteor shower. B-E-A-U-Tiful. the atmosphere's ecstatic. Everyone's waving and throwing flags, souveniors & glow-sticks frantically at the spectators - regardless whether they were ready to receive the shower of gifts or not (some hit their heads/faces). the stadium's HUGE!~ there were so many countries marching in along with us, waving flags and snapping photos. this is the best part yet for as far as the melbourne trip is concerned! Will be back with more news. Our 1st game is vs Jamaica (World no. 3) on the 17th. Oh well, let's hope that we won't get thrashed - too badly-.

Till then, Ciaoz.

Tribute

2006-03-04T00:55:00.000+08:00

If I die (touchwood), I want this song to be played at my funeral. It's a very touching song.. and appropriate, honestly. I'll dedicate this song and lyrics to myself and whoever that's lost someone.

Mourn, and move on.
____________________________

Robbie Robertson
Shine Your Light
Ladder 49 OST

The cry of the city like a siren's song
Wailing over the rooftops the whole night long
Saw a shooting star like a diamond in the sky
Must be someone's soul passing by

These are the streets
Where we used to run where your Papa's from
These are the days
Where you become what you become
These are the streets
Where the story's told
The truth unfolds
Darkness settles in

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so I can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength
To carry on, carry on

Don't wanna be a hero
Just an everyday man
Trying to do the job the very best he can
But now it's like living on borrowed time
Out on the rim, over the line
Always tempting fate like a game of chance
Never wanna stick around to the very last dance
Sometimes I stumble and take a hard fall
Loose(?) hold your grip off the wall

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so I can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength to carry on
Carry on

I thought I saw him walking by the side of the road
Maybe trying to find his way home

He's here but not here
He's gone but not gone
Just hope he knows if I get lost

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so I can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength to carry on
Carry on

long overdue

2006-03-02T15:20:00.000+08:00

This post is long overdue. My assignments are long overdue. My declaration of love for those dear to me is long overdue. My regrets are long overdue. My tears are long overdue. My fragility is long overdue. My physical fatigues are long overdue. My patience is long overdue. My library books are long overdue...

Oh well.. Overdue is in the past. There is still time from now on to make up for everything. To better things up. Grieve and move on. Cry and move on. Leaving for Commonwealth Games in less than 2 weeks time. Must sort myself out before I go. Must be able to put aside all distractions. Must have confidence. Must play well. Must love and miss my family while I'm away.

Goodbye and take care.
dearest uncle, rest well in paradise. watch over everyone dear to you and bless them.

Christmas time.

2006-01-05T15:22:00.000+08:00

Everyone has new year resolutions. I feel obliged to blog them online... Not.

Matter of fact, as the X'mas season is coming to an end, I must mention how much I love this season of giving (instead of the new year). I feel happy, (for obvious reasons).. and I feel happier being able to make someone else happy (eg. giving them just a bit of my time, or little gifts that means so much). And of course, music-lover-me love those X'mas jingles tt I hear on the streets or on TV, I'd sing out loud and dance along while soaking up the atmosphere or watching the credits roll. (Haiyo~ Grace has done more embarrassing things in life.) And just because it's Christmas. It's a reason to - (dress up?, acc. to the Heeren's ad. ~heehee) Nah~.. It's the reason to be MERRY and MAD.. over the tiniest things.

Everyone celebrating and taking in the jolly atmosphere, cheering and having fun. Felt almost like rowdy soccer fans in the stadium strolling down Orchard Rd. (If you can't beat them, join them - you know?) Though I must say, I felt really sorry for what Mother Earth has to put through with the air-polluting snow spray. I was quite sure they are not CFC-free. More mindless singaporeans like that, there'll be a huge hole in the ozone layer over sg soon. (I shall invent a CFC-free spray.) Dun be mistaken, I'm not complaining bt getting covered in 'snow', in fact, I was pretty amused. Never seen so many walking snowmen in my life. Just tt when I inhaled too much of it, I got this really bad throat irritation. But~ in the name of good fun - to hell with the preaching (oopz, I meant 'bitching'). HOHOHO~!

Let me tell you my X'mas-spirit-sharing incident:
I was woken up by a stranger at a very ' ulu' (deserted) Punggol MRT station near midnight after a dead tiring training. The last train towards Sengkang has departed. I forgot to bring my handphone. I gave away my last few change in an act of kindness before embarking on the journey home. So, I had to 'thicken my skin' and ask uncle-behind-MRT-control-station for a 10cent coin. Only to realise that the coin payphone doesn't work. Ok lor, cool. I'll just buy phonecard as 'reccomended' by the uncle and call my mum to pick me up. I'm cool. Nothing new so far. (at least to me)

Only that I realised I wasn't the only person in distress. There was this other Malay-Indian man who approached me and asked where's the best place to take a cab ard here. He happened to oversleep and was woken up by a stranger as well. ~haw haw haw. Such coincidence. Of course, me standing with a slight darker colored man in a very deserted place made me just a bit uneasy. But while waiting for my Mum (abt 30 odd minutes), not a single cab (or even a vehicle) was in sight - explains the 'Ulu' Punggol - we did talk a little. So I consulted my mum and we decided to give this complete stranger, a lift back home since he just stay in Hougang, not very far away.

How many often do you speak to a stranger on the street, lend him/her your handphone, or, in my case, even give them a lift back home? HAHA~ It's the Kampung spirit, Christmas spirit or wadever spirit you can name, coming back! It's the kind of things they teach you in pri sch in 'Hao3 Gong1 Ming3' (Good Citizen) and it does feel good to put them back into practise. I felt like 'Amelie'~ (a french movie character). Fwahahah. So generous for what? HAHA.

And to top off this Jolly season, -on the 8th day of Christmas- the very last minute Nike Party I was fretting over on New Year's eve night, turned out pretty well. Was nice seeing everyone's spontaneity to the theme and games of the party. ~Phew.

Oh, and did I mention that Lix's act of kindness to welcome me into the team? Also that she and Pearline gave me a few guerilla tips on surviving Kate's training after some the bad sessions. I ought to be more arrogant. No more FIFA fair player anymore, so forgive me if I'm a different person with the bib on. You'll still find me the same humble and loud and disastrous Gracias with all facades off. Promise & swear. Hee~.

Ok. This entry is a bit overdue lar. But today is still the 11th day of Christmas. So~ Merry merry christmas to you and have a merrier new year. This year is gonna be GReat! I can feel it in my guts.

2005-12-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

TK Netball gathering on X'mas day.

Miracle

2005-12-17T02:22:00.000+08:00

Was it the moon I was talking to last nite - my confidant after a bad day, a terrible game, a sense of dread for what I'm to expect the following day?
Was it the stars I was admiring while sitting at the playground, humming them tunes from my mp3 player?
Was it the sky I was thanking that, with its beauty and vastness, enchanted me and emptied the worries and doubts I had in my mind yesterday?

Was it the date, today, 16/12/2005, 1month and 10days after my birthday?
Was it the LRT train number '26' that I took this noon?
Was it the number of stations between Outram MRT (12 stops) and Sengkang MRT (NE16)?
Was it the 4 of us watching movie on seats row D in cinema 4?
Was it the fact that 16 minus 12 is equals to 4?
Was it my parents presence on the last day of the selection trials?
Was it the good luck wishes I had from friends around?

Whichever, whoever and whatever you are.. I thank you with all my heart. I was proven wrong 'bt impossibilities. And I never felt happier to be wrong.

A surprise that catches you completely off guarded is TREMENDOUS. I was dumbfounded when I heard Vicki's voice over my phone. (An unknown number, a voice I'd never expect to hear.) I was at a loss for words, I didn't know how to react. A shock. A complete dream. So light, I felt like I'm flying. So surreal, I needed a hug from Yingqi to assure me it's not my time in heaven yet. So happy, I couldn't stop smiling to myself, despite stares from strangers, on my journey back home. Somehow I still couldn't stop thinking that it's all a dream.. It's a dream indeed. A dream come true. I needed to rejoice out loud to feel my presence in reality. The chance came when the LRT I took home was empty. -I was the only passenger. I was screaming and jumping for joy in the train like a mad woman, it could be the same kind of adrenaline I might have experienced if I won Singapore Idol. If there were security cameras in the train, they might have dispatched a guard from the control station to send me to woodbridge.- ME??! playing for the singapore OPEN team??! COMMONWEALTH games? It took me quite some time to fully register what this all means.. what I'm about to experience. Remember those sheets of papers in sec sch/ age grp squads where you have to fill up what are your goals are in Netball? My long term goal was to play for the Open team and play overseas in the World Champs. It's a mix of nostalgia and pride to look back on how far my passion has taken me to. The fact that I dared to dream big when I was small and am on the way to fufil that dream right now. It feels... more than exhilarating. Too good to be true.

NEVER did I even dare to dream of a chance to get into the Open team and play the Commonwealth Games. After the Asian Champs selections, with the pain still vivid in my mind, I couldn't and wouldn't even raise my hopes. I was playing/training hard as I could, yet, with hope waning, there's only so much mental strength can take me through. I was so desperate as to even plead my parents to come and watch me for the game at the last selection trial - "Just any form of motivation. To watch me play in the opens for the last time," I thought to myself. - There's simply no chance. I gave myself 10% of hope.

THIS is more than just a pleasant surprise. I held so much pride breaking the news to my family.. I cried happy tears. They taste bittersweet and I love them (like dark chocolates). When was the last time you had happy tears? My second last was the night with Zpig and moZ. I'll never forget. And I'll remember today too - 3rd earhole on my left ear. The day I'm touched by a miracle. =)

I am so happy and motivated, I feel that I can do anything right now. I'm charged with extra adrenaline, ecstasy, hyperenergy and inspiration to do my studies well and keep them on track before I go for any form of trainings, go long runs to lose weight and gain stamina, will myself to work hard no matter how tired I am during games and trainings, put in my uttermost effort to be a good captain/vice-captain, be filled with everlasting energy to encourage my teammates and pull up their morale... Oh..~ all the things I can do... Can you feel my joy? This is the best Christmas present. Ever.

Thank you Moon. You bring the brightest light and lit the darkest night. You are the miracle.

P/S: Thank you to you, the ones who shared my joy.

Earth to Grace

2005-12-05T00:59:00.000+08:00

This is a pretty solemn, un-'dramaqying' entry. If you are in an apprehensive mood, I suggest you read this another time when you do feel good bt yourself.

Dumbledore once said in the Soceror's Stone, "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

I realised that being the kid I am. I probably have been chasing dreams on my imaginary broomstick for too long. Must remember that I still live on earth. Despite people envying how simple I 'seem' to see things (as Rach puts it. Bless her.) - being oblivious, living in my world and such. It's a choice on my part. Not everything is nearly as wonderful. Recent events have forced me to look at things the way I'd rather have not seen if I was given a choice. Torrents of thoughts and emotions start flooding in. I saw/heard how scandalous the society can really get, how politics can corrupt minds, how games of manipulation people play and the web of lies they spin can render others helpless. Yet, all is not lost. Growing up need not entirely be bad. I've seen the strength of love overcoming odds. Or when one stands alone, the amazing courage that person possesses within to heal and grow stronger. Also, the maturity and wisdom that one gains with age to weigh the pros and cons properly (many times too often) and make, perhaps, better decisions.

All these, I've seen or heard from aside. Now, I wonder when my turn will come to experience such turbulent affairs - firsthand. Hope it's not too soon cos I'm not the least prepared. Yet, I pray it doesn't come too late lest I'll never learn things the hard way. There is no Peter Pan to fly me to Neverland with. Really wish I believed in fairies as much as I used to. Right now I can only will myself to keep an open mind, stop straying in dreamland and focus on tasks at hand.

"Come what may.."

chapalang.

2005-11-27T23:59:00.000+08:00

For once in my whole blogging life, I'm going to say anything that comes to mind and blog like those normal bored human beings who waste most of their lives away in front of computers describing what they had done in the day-noon-night, without attempting to use any bombastic words to impress anyone or telling any jokes to brighten up your day in whatsoever way. So unless u r realli interested in my life or genuinely concerned about me, I suggest u ignore this entry and read something else. 'Surf' some other sites if you will.

Today WAS a fun day. I tried windsurfing. I was super energetic. Falling and climbing back up and falling and climbing again. It's bloody difficult to balance on the board with the sail up. I was ecstatic the moment I can stay upright for more than 5secs and traveled for bt 5metres b4 I fell over. I never felt happier falling. The water's there to break your fall and it feels damn good to get wet! Woohoo~ Then I got up to try again and again and again, till I could balance pretty ok on top, even though I still din manage to do a proper turn successfully. At the end of the whole session, I realised I had orh cheys (blueblacks) all over my knees and elbows from the countless number of climbs up to the board after I fell. If the gor chiams & zik kaks (50cents n 1 dollar) marks on my body are real, I'd be a millionaire.// Countless scars in and out. I was dead tired after windsurfing. Gloomy night, coupled with my lethargy, apprehension and disquieting thoughts - I went just a bit crazy after seeing a different group of ppl altogether.. was lost halfway in the transition. Hope everyone out there is well. Those that I truly care about -you know who you are-. Tomorrow will be a better day. For you and me.

Dive Hantu for rescue course? die...

2005-11-25T02:00:00.000+08:00

My 1st reaction when I learnt that my rescue diving course will have to be done at Hantu: I'll die diving. (kk. not so exaggerated) But, honestly, visibility is so poor at Hantu, how the hell am I gonna do my search and rescue?

Ok, I'm back here at home safe and sound, limbs intact and blogging. Great achievement considering my previous encounter; (phew~) even though, I pretty much flopped the skills required to perform for the course... I'm happy to be alive.

If the victim to be rescued were real, he/she would most probably have died in my hands- based on the fact that I nearly murdered my very-much-alive sister playing dead. When we exchanged roles, she took the chance to revenge by trying to drown me in the saltwater. Also, while on a task to search and rescue a missing diver, me & my buddy (aka my sister) got lost ourselves in attempt to navigate our way through opaque waters. And you thought we were 'Rescue Divers'. Muahaha. I shall not go on ranting about how bad everything went.

On the bright side, I managed to overcome my fear of Hantu. I wasn't the least bothered by it's opacity, being able to dive with people who know their way around. I actually got to see some interesting marine life, thanks to the trained eye of an experienced diver. Picked up a few tips from my instructor too, and it certainly built up my confidence to dive in singapore waters. And, yep, despite my laments, I had loads of fun, be it exploring the underwater world or having group activities with the others. Can't wait for the next dive trip. Hantu or Salu or Dayang or Phuket or wherever.. I'll be ready for you. I'm hooked and I wanna dive for life. (if i got the money..)

P/S: Wish I've got the chance to do the rescue course again and sharpen up my mediocre skills. I really don't want to kill someone when I'm diving in the future. ^teehee~

Ienttirensg Suftf

2005-11-12T00:27:00.000+08:00

Got tihs off an aonn mial form the net (fwreodard form Ah! Bnag). Kewl~

Cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

5 mroe dyas to Ptoetr!~

Big 2day.

2005-11-06T23:39:00.000+08:00

Everyone's congratulating me for joining the 'Big 2' club. Ok. It's not chua daidee. Though I wouldn't mind joining such a club if it existed. =P

It just dawned upon me that reaching the 'special' number, means losing the privilege to be irresponsible for certain course of action tt one may take which resulted in undesirable consequences, cos I'm no longer a 'Teen'ager. Well. It's not that bad actually.. Can always see it as simply taking more responsibility cos of the wisdom I'm supposed to have acquired with age? Haha.

However, you can argue that the above statement applies to any stage of your life. Heh. Forgive me.... I just have a 'thing' for dates and numbers. Just need to break that psychological barrier in telling myself that I'm not young anymore.

Ironically, as I'm willing myself to grow more mature up in the head, the gifts & surprises I received are indulging the child in me. No~ of course I'm not complaining. HAHA. Shows that my friends understand me well enough to know what I truly like. But I must really say.. the huge tub of Venezia (if KL insists) proved quite a challenge to test the strength of my 'Love'. Just when I thought I've managed to overcome an obstacle, I was put up to the test again when I got home. Thanks to moZ & Zpig, I had to 'treasure-hunt' my way to find the presents. Birthdays don't come easy afterall. They must have been plotting revenge against me after I walked in on them..........trying to set up my surprise birthday cake. Now I have the mark of their wrath imprinted on my walls everytime I switch on the lamp, which, by the way, is part of their gift for me. (It's an IKEA lamp that projects stars and planets of different colors on the wall- We named a few selected stars after ourselves.) Despite my 'angry' words, it's a very sweet moment if you can imagine. And to complement the 'fantastical' addition, I received a toy accordion, from TK netballers, to play music along with the dancing lights. HAHAHA. Lovely friends I have. Really. The sweetest ever. Also, I can't not mention- Inky's huge sacrifice to make a scrap'board' for me, complete with nostalgic photos and tulips, despite the teasing by nike-ians for being late. Thank you so much.

Enjoyed the time that we used to catch up with each other. For those who took the time to celebrate my birthday: - (In order of appearance)Inky, Shuang & KL, Dawn, Melis & Pig, Yiqi, XY, Rach, Corina - A simple 'Thank You' is not enough for the timeless moments, but I still have to say it anyway - Thank you very very much. Course, not forgetting those that smsed me your kind wishes, really appreciate the messenges. =)

I know this is starting to sound like a 'thank you' speech as if I've won an Oscar or something.. but.. (In Hagrid's tone) "Not everydaieh a young ladieh turns 20, eh~?"

HAHA. On this very last note.. I have something to look forward to after my Big2day... Go watch Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire. 17th November. Loves, Loves.

P/S: BHPians are not forgotten. We shall catch it together after I've 'premiered' it.

indulging my youth

2005-10-28T17:06:00.000+08:00

I'm in love.... everytime I eat Vieneza yogurt-flavored ice cream. Haw Haw Haw. And I'm not exaggerating. You MUST try it, especially the BHPs. It's the next thing closest to heaven, I swear. Savour the sweetness of the ice cream, as it spreads smoothly across your tongue, tantalising your tastebuds with its coldness... Instant Ecstasy!~ OMG. I want a tub of Vieneza yogurt-flavored ice cream right now! I must thank Inky and all the other NJ netballers who introduced my love to me for the first time along 6th avenue after/before trainings. Gawd, it brings back memories. Miss those days (and the ice cream).

Talking about memories, was anyone's past sparked by lightning during the thunderstorm last night? Mine was. And that'll be another reason to add to my fascination with rainy days (together with being able to feel the cool droplets of rain in my face, splash water all over and sing out louder than the sky). Scary no doubt the thunder may sound, I used to imagine them as the stomp of dinosaurs roaming earth (during the Jurassic Park craze) and thought them to be So Cool. Such weird thoughts when I was still a primary school kid and most of my classmates were wailing like the rain outside. Adding to that, was my very old pri school compound (CHIJ Ponggol) creaking along with the howl of the winds. Scary~.. As if that's not enough, out of my classroom windows, one could see the church set against the dark sky, with lightning streaks flashing across it like some scene from a horror movie. HAHAHAHA!~ So fun lar! That's how vivid the storm brought me my memories. There were lots of other flashbacks I had but I shan't bore you with them. Though there's one I must mention (to my ex-idol): 2002 S/M series after last U21 game- It was raining heavily, but we were so happy, along with our triumph, we played in the rain like nobody's business. Kicking up and splashing the water like little kids. And KKKL was watching over us like a guardian angel, worrying that we would hurt ourselves in the kind of weather. So heartwarming for wad? Heehee.

And nothing, I'm telling you, NOTHING, beats warming up to a cup of hot chocolate at the comfort of your home during the thunderstorm, while spending time to marvel at such past memories - or snuggling up in bed with a good old book to read. Oh, how I love rainy days.~

Haunted by Hantu

2005-10-23T23:01:00.000+08:00

Diving at Palau Hantu definitely makes one appreciate Palau Dayang a lot more. That, my friend, is an understatement. In case you are lost, Palau Hantu is an island offshore the mainland, but it's still Singapore (where else Dayang is M'sia). So, you can roughly imagine what the water looks like. Visibility is bad. Very bad. very very bad. In fact, I lost sight of my dive partners almost right after we descended. I could only see up to an arm's length in front me and nearly swam into reefs that appeared out of nowhere so many times. Shall not comment on my further expedition. I can only say that I'm discouraged.

But... fear not, I'm Gracias 'Sakuragi' Potter, the Ox. I'll bulldoze each obstacle standing in my way one by one.. Even if it means using more of my brains (that has turned so rusty since sec sch days). First, I must learn to navigate properly and stop getting lost in my own world in and out of the waters. Other lessons should fall into place when the time comes (even if it's at the expense of $60 or more). On a brighter note, I did at least manage to find a seahorse (was told it's pretty rare to see one). Also, it's kinda an achievement to have experienced diving in waters of different colors - Blue to green to yellow- makes quite a change (not necessarily nice though). And of course, the poor visibility also made the dive pretty challenging. Must stay off Hantu till I make a better diver. I'm still haunted by the mere thought of it.

"Hantu, I'll be back with a vengeance!"

P/S: Sorry to have made anyone worry. Double apologies to 'Jessie' Toh for the numerous trouble I've caused.

Dayang's Disastrous Diving Dog

2005-10-17T01:54:00.000+08:00

Jumping down the jetty 'chihuahua' style.

Back from Dayang again. Goes without saying that Gracias has done something out of the norm once more, else my surname shall not be Sim.

Let's see.. During the 1st dive (30m deep), I bit my regulator (equipmt you place in the mouth to breathe) so hard, the mouth piece broke. Maybe it's cos of the jitters I had, the dive being my 1st after sometime and the fact that it's still early in the morning (note: I'm not a morning person). But again, I wasn't so sure if the mouth piece wasn't broken in the first place b4 I put it in my mouth. blah blah blah ok. Then, during the same dive, I lost my mask. sheesh.. I had to fin on the surface like an idiot while the others were helping me to scrounge for it. Nice way to start a first dive. How very encouraging.

I was determined not to make any more mistakes losing equip or spoiling them again. So determined that I've decided to take the blame upon myself. Physically. I knocked my head on the boat, not once, not twice, but THRICE! Accidentally, of course, and on different occasions.Gee...so much for once bitten, twice shy. But I must defend myself at this point. 1st, I'm tall. 2nd, the ceiling is too low. 3rd, the boat was rocking. etc,etc. bleah. And of course, anybody who knows Gracias Simone Potter, will know that I'm ultra accident-prone. So that shall be included in my defence as well.

As if I hadn't suffered enough, I had to put up with the chants by the very evil people around: Zhong4 Tou1 Jiang3~ (win top['head' in chinese] prize). Furthermore, they were teasing me about my hair LAR!~ SO ANGRRrrY!~ It's just the normal 3 way-tie style I used during any netball trainings, to hold up my irritating fringe. I didn't forsee that my hair on the 2 sides will stand up in the water, with resemblance to dog's ears or even horns. So as you can imagine, I turn out to be another joke for the others to laugh about. I hereby announce my new nick name, not-very-proudly-but-better-than-for-you-to-find-out-through-other-ways-from-bad-people: The Diving Dog, Chihuahua. Grrrowwwl..~

Heehee. Ok lar~ Nothing new to be teased by people around. I'm used to it. And to be honest, I'm actually a very important medium for people to break the ice and unite in the team. hohoho. Not just diving, but for everything else. So I'm actually being very wei3 da4 (noble)! Dun pray pray ar~. And, despite my complaints, the whole experience was far from bad. I didn't spend $400 to suffer. HAHA~ I had my fair share of the pie making fun of others. Also, $400 not for not solely play on land but for the underwater exploration (which is the main purpose). I completed 12 dives in the weekend alone and saw lots of new creatures - sea turtles, squid, blue-spotted stingray, box fish, bumphead fish (which happens to be another joke on me if you get it).. etc. FUN, FUN, FUN! Needless to say, I'm pretty proud of myself, having completed the Advanced Open Water Course successfully despite my disastrous nature.

Next, will be the Rescue Diver Course. Watch OUT... ... ... for more accidents coming. Grrrowl~.

Escapade

2005-10-13T18:46:00.000+08:00

I know the singing pretty much sucked and is out of tune. But desperate times call for desperate measures, had to 'show off' I've learnt the strumming of this song (more or less), before leaving for Palau Dayang. Diving again. Running to the paradise that's made up of all my favourite colors. To those that I hold dear, allow me to carry your load of woes together with mine and dump them in the sea. Hope you'll find peace in Singapore or, whatever 'Palau' you're at, enjoy yourself. Bon voyage to me and all out there.

"It's not hard to fall, when you float like a cannonball.~"

High on Pot-ter

2005-10-08T06:16:00.000+08:00

OMG OMG OMG!~ I was about to turn in to sleep (it's 6am in the morning) when I recalled that I haven't watched the latest trailer of Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire. For those who haven't seen it. You is to MUST! Must to is.

Goblet of Fire Website

I almost jumped off my seat watching it. It looks so promising!~ "Everything's going to change, isn't it?" Keeping my fingers crossed that it'll be better than Azkaban. Though, already I have one great disappoinment. The actor casted as Mad-eyed Moody is the furthest thing from what I've imagined. Otherwise, the computer graphics and atmosphere for this instalment seems just right. And from the trailer, I'm guessing most of the details from the original book has been kept this time(as compared to Azkaban). Wonder if the duration of this movie will be longer..

As of now, I, Gracis Simone Potter, pledge to catch this movie on or before (if possible) the 18th November 2005. Else, I'll be condemned to the Prison of Azkaban. Pig & Melis, both of you are obliged to date me or I'll drag the both of you in as well.

The big day has finally almost arrived. I can't wait any longer since my grievances of the book, HP & Half-Blood Prince, has drained away any form of happiness and hope, along with 'his' death. Sobz.. Meanwhile, as a temporary mood-booster, I'm gonna catch the trailer once more (frame by frame with Quicktime) and drift to slumberland with thoughts of Potter's magical world. Good -- morning~

Mini Advertisement

2005-10-01T04:07:00.000+08:00

Diving @ Palau Dayang with Sunny Cove.

Yo ppl, diving @ beauutifooo Palau Dayang, 13th-16th Oct(Thurs-Sun), for a 2-in-1 Open Water/Advanced Open water course for only $595(abt 10 dives)? Rented gear, accomodation & food included. Super Cheap lar. Interested contact me ya?

-Your ever-friendly 'agent',
Gracias

Back @ last....

2005-09-28T06:28:00.000+08:00

Sorry Prof Dumbledore, to have taken so long to remove those ugly banners plastered over your face. I sincerely believe, however, that you'll forgive me if you were alive. It's the heart that counts rite?

Anyways, I can tell this skin won't last long cos it's pretty ugly. But to my supporters out there:... Tell me you are here for my words of wisdom, not for the physicalities!~ (Although music must be often changed.)

Recently, 'Ms-multi-talented-but-never-really-excelled-at-anything-Grace' has found a new passion in life. Anybody who sees me on msn will know it's diving. Gorgeous beach @ Palau Dayang, clearer-than-crystal-clear-water, exotic marine life underwater... Let me tell you. Life's at it's best. There are so many things and places yet to be discovered. (Sorry, husband Guitar for I've neglected you.) I feel like an explorer now, all-adrenaline-charged. Even though I'm still suffering from the 'bobbing head' effect from sea travel, I feel it in my guts that I've found the dream job I've been waiting for. - A Pirate - (hohoho, whadya expect. hey, wait. Aren't I one already? I'm pirated Qying, remember?~ pronounced 'Queeng') Crap aside, I'll probably go for the advanced open water course soon. (when I earn $$ - diving not cheap) And I hope by the time I get the advance cert, I will be able to control my buoyancy in the water well enough to stop destroying the corals and marine life where I slapped my huge finning feet on. Stay tuned for my very excellent diving pictures. Teehee~^

ARGHHh!~

2005-09-17T07:12:00.000+08:00

Ok. My blog is resusticated. Thank you slim~. I'm kinda frustrated though.. With the design and stuff. Wanted to do this up earlier before the launch of the book. But I dreaded the amount of time I'll have to spend staring at the screen.. like wad i have jus done. Only to find out that, clever Blogger.com places ad on the top left screen of all blogs and blocks out my beloved Dumbledore's face. To think that I've spent so many hours switching between screen resolutions and changing layouts to make sure tt my blog will look fine in both and still complement my favourite wallpaper... Geez.. somebody.. Hand me a knife.

really tired now. (jus look at the time, bleah..) Blunt entry, thanks to Blogger. Will be back soon (heh. i promise) to fix this skin. Can't stand my blog looking ugly. Adios. (sorry to have failed you Professor Dumbledore)

(ok. to end off in a brighter note. Though the book is tragic, a huge surprise lies November 18th. And Christian Bale is handsome. Loves.)

Queerqying

2005-05-05T23:13:00.000+08:00

Found out today that the term Queer actually suggests Gay (from the movie Summer Storm). I've put the title as it is for the fun of it since it rhymes so well. *LOL. Anyways, from today onwards when people see my new image, they might think I'm threading the androgynous line again. Yes, I cut my hair today. Short but not all that short. Well, it's no big deal..But BEWARE.. I'm so handsome now, I might be the next Most Valuble Defender in the Netball Super League, drawing votes from little school girl fans. Now that idol Dawn is not playing this season, nothing is standing in my way to claim the title. (like real) Ok. But I still have the advantage from being the poster girl. *LOL. Think the new haircut gives me an overdose of ego. Queer as my outlook may be, you'll find me the same Sim.

P/S: Hey little cutesy fan there from XX pri/sec sch, vote for me! Call 1900-Idol-5566. I'm that all-too-good-looking short-haired defender playing for Marlins in the position of Wing Defence. My full name is Gracias Simone Potter. Write it clearly and properly on the papers. Bring along that poster, I'll sign it for you. Remember, 1900-Idol-5566. Waiting for you.